Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Burt Lancaster VS Burt Reynolds

Somehow over the Thanksgiving weekend (Canadian Thanksgiving, bitches) I managed to watch two Burt Lancaster movies and three Burt Reynolds movies. I had not intended to do so, it just kinda happened. So now, dear readers, I present to you the epic battle of the Burt's....

In this corner, from New York City, Burt "The Master" Lancaster.

First up, Lawman. I can thank the discount rack at Wal-mart for bringing me this movie. I can always seem to justify dropping ten bucks on a DVD when I'm staring at a discount rack. Whether or not this was a smart decision in the case of Lawman, well the jury is still out on that one. I liked it but not too much. It definitely is a post-Leone western, you can smell a hint of spaghetti in there. Also, in one of the first shootouts there is a significant spurt of blood that is obviously thanks to being made in the post-Wild Bunch era. Lovers of movie violence owe Peckinpah a great deal of gratitude.

Secondly, Gunfight At The O.K. Corral. After reading the back of the DVD case, I knew there was no way I wouldn't enjoy this movie. It's an entertaining adaptation of the Wyatt Earp/Doc Holiday folklore, more entertaining than the more recent adaptations of these characters/historical figures. It has an amazing cast: Lancaster, Kirk Douglas, a young ass Dennis Hopper, DeForest Kelley and Lee Van Cleef (Hell Yeah!). Plus, there is just something great about hearing Kirk Douglas call his girlfriend a slut in a movie that was made in the fifties.

And in this corner from Waycross, Georgia, Burt "I Was Bangin' Loni Anderson Back In The day" Reynolds.

I said three movies, but really only one in its entirety. Namely, The Longest Yard. I have never seen the original and I honestly never thought I would see this one either. It would probably be legally irresponsible of me to suggest that you pirate this movie (and in case the MPAA is reading this, I rented it and I have witnesses) but what I do suggest is that you shouldn't pay for the opportunity to see it. Convince a friend to rent it for you. While it doesn't suck, I actually laughed several times throughout, it is a no-brainer. You will not have to think at all while watching this movie, in fact if you do think you risk ruining it for yourself. On the positive side there are many good gags and "celebrity" appearances in this movie. Lots of wrestlers and former NFLers (or so I'm told), plus never have I seen Courtney Cox with such ample cleavage. But for a better and funnier football movie I suggest another Adam Sandler vehicle The Waterboy.

Other Burt Reynolds appearances this past weekend came in the form of catching the last halves of 100 Rifles and Smokey and the Bandit. I will refrain from commenting on 100 Rifles because I didn't see enough of it to really understand what was going on or what it was about. As for Smokey and the Bandit, if it weren't for Jackie Gleason's performance as Sheriff Buford T. Justice I would have to go into an amazingly long rant about how this is the worst movie in existence and a how it is a showcase for everything that was horrible about America in the seventies.

Buford to Junior: There is no way, no way that you came from my loins. The first thing I'm gonna do when I get home is punch your momma in the mouth. Normally I would consider such talk of spousal abuse wrong, but coming from Jackie Gleason you can't help but love it.

And the winner by a knockout is Burt "The Master" Lancaster.


Janarama said...

Shit! That is some sweet spousal abuse comedy. Good work, Jackie Gleason.

If you're interested in some equally offensive racist humour, check out "The Flying Nun" starring Sally Fields. That nun might be able to fly, but she sure can't figure out chopsticks!

Shauna said...

I sometimes used to think my dad looked like burt reynolds. in fact, if you look through mom's old university photos, there's one of my dad wearing 70's jeans, a big pointy-collared shirt, and sporting a mighty moustache holding a sign that says "Eat your heart out, Burt". Mom told me it was referring to Burt Reynolds. Is this too much information? Do you still respect and admire my dad?