Tuesday, January 31, 2006

"Bombs Ready, Buddy!"

Part I - The South Park Movie

I just finished watching the South Park movie again, since I finally broke down and picked it up on DVD. That Trey Parker is a genius. I must have seen this movie at least three dozen times since it came out back in '99, but even today, it still makes me laugh. I used to have a VHS copy that I watched religiously, but I lent it out, never to see it again (ahem, Jason Frasier). But thanks to a gift certificate and a trip to one of my most hated of places, Bridgewater, I made the leap to DVD. And, boy howdy, I'm glad I did.

Part II - Poker

I seriously love Poker. I don't know if I've mentioned this enough in the past, but I've become quite the fan of playing poker. I recently played in a Texas Hold 'Em tournament at the local Dooly's (aka Chester's kick-and-punch). And while I didn't win (not even close), I still managed to have a pretty good time. Now, for the most part, I found the people at this tournament to be a little too into playing poker. But, thankfully, most of the guys from my regular game were there. Since I was among the first ten players (out of sixty) to be eliminated from the tournament I got to play for a while at the loser's table. Some might see shame in that, but it was actually more fun playing at the losers table than it was playing in the actual tournament. So until the semi-legality of playing poker at a pool hall becomes a real issue, it looks as though the tournament is going to become a regular thing. And you can bet I'll be there.

Part III - Myspace

I'm sure many of you out there who are at least somewhat internet savvy have already heard of the online phenomena that is Myspace. So, I hate to admit it, but I too have joined the ranks of the Myspacers. I'll be honest though, I still haven't really figured out what the whole point of Myspace is. By now I've spent a fair bit of time trying to increase my "friend" count and I've tried to get my personal info on there so people know that people know that I'm really into Devo. Hell, I've even got it set up so my page plays "Cars" by Gary Numan whenever you go on it. But, it's almost like I've hit a wall or something. I don't know what to do next. The same thing happened to me when I first played The Sims, it was great at first and I was amazed at just how much you could do, but after a while I just kinda got bored with all the possibilities.

Another part of having a Myspace page is keeping a blog, but I'm already too commited to this blog to simply switch over. I couldn't do that to all my faithful readers. No, that would be wrong. So, no matter how cool it makes me feel that I've got David Byrne and Wolf Parade among my Myspace friends, fear not proud reader, I shall not abandon you.

Part IV - Arctic Monkeys

If you havent heard it already, I urge you to listen to a newish song by the band Artic Monkeys called "I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor." The band is from the UK and I've come to enjoy this song, despite the fact that a lot of the band's other material is along the lines of The Libertines. Why must all young British rockers think they need to sound like Pete Doherty, who for the most part is little more than a poor man's Keith Richards?

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Pitfalls Of The Democratic Process

For the record: I didn't vote conservative.

Saturday, January 21, 2006

"Nobody Likes Reality Anymore."

I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya (to quote the great Jim Anchower), but seeing as it's an unseasonably warm day here on the South Shore, I thought I should update the old blog.

I've been playing a lot of poker lately. Seems everyone in town plays Texas Hold 'Em these days. The local Dooly's is even having a poker tournament next week. I'm not sure if I'll enter the tournament, even if it is semi-legal. I guess it should be said that, even though I consider myself a decent poker player, I've won maybe $6 in the last two or three games that I've played.

I watched *batteries not included last night. If you don't remember this movie, imagine it as a cross between Short Circuit and Cocoon, but without Steve Guttenberg. It's a story of an elderly couple and some bohemian types trying to save their run down apartment building form being demolished by greedy land developers, a plot used many times in the '80s. But for our "heros," salvation comes in the form of little UFO-type robots who appear out of nowhere for no particular reason. You can easily fill in the rest of the blanks without thinking too hard. I remember liking this movie when I was a kid. Though, I have to say that the special effects have not held up all that well over the last 19 or 20 years.

Happy Happy Fun Links

First up is a video that has to be seen to be believed, William Shatner singing Elton John's "Rocket Man" at a '70s Sci-Fi awards ceremony. I'm pretty sure Family Guy has done a parody of this before, with Stewie doing Shatner's part. Now, it's kind of a long clip, but stick with it.

Next up is the most offensive South Park clip I have ever seen. I guess this is from the Aristocrats movie, which is essentially famous comedian after famous comedian telling their own version of this unbelievably obscene joke.

Thirdly, we have some people with too much time on their hands doing a Pac-Man impersonation. This seems to be going on at a University/College campus and only a fraction of the students seem to find it funny at all. Damn uppity intellectual types.

This one has to be my favorite video from 2005. It's a SNL short called "Lazy Sunday." Probably the funniest thing I've seen on SNL since Will Ferrell left. I guess it caused quite an internet buzz after it aired. There were bootleg t-shirts out and I even saw it mentioned on CNN once.

This one seems to be part of a growing trend, doing real life impersonations of classic Nintendo games. This time it's Punch Out. I don't know who would do this or why, but it's pretty funny and very accurate. Recommended for anyone who's played the game or watched their friends play it for hours on end.

And finally the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny. This one kind of reminded me of Grand Buffet, a mediocre white boy rap group I saw open for Wesley Willis once. All in all, this video is mostly stupid but there is a moment about two-thirds of the way through that is sheer brilliance. So, if you're gonna watch it, stick with it until the end.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

The Second Worst Club Sandwich I've Ever Had

I went into Halifax yesterday with some friends. By the end of the day I had been dragged from one end of Mic Mac Mall to the other. I say dragged because I really didn't have any kind of shopping agenda while I was there. I felt like I was a kid again because all my friends wanted to go into various clothing stores, while all I wanted to do was look for music and DVDs. I kinda drew the line when some of them went into American Eagle, so I made a quick bee line for Music World, which was thankfully only a few feet away. I picked up the new Wolf Parade CD and Gremlins and Orca: The Killer Whale on DVD.

After all the shopping we, unfortunately, went to East Side Mario's for dinner. I had never been to East Side Mario's before and if I never go again I won't be too disappointed. Our waiter wasn't all that great, but I probably wouldn't have a lot of pride in my job if I worked at a crappy chain restaurant either. I started with the nachos which were actually quite good. About halfway through I did have to get conservative with my salsa and sour cream usage but other than that the nachos got an ethusiastic thumbs up from me. But then sometime later they brought my entrée, a Tuscan turkey club sandwich. Possibly the second worst club sandwich I have ever eaten, a sentiment I expressed quite openly and loudly while eating it. Now, I say second worst club sandwich only because I have yet to have eaten a club sandwich that caused me to be violently ill and the top spot on the list of all-time worst club sandwiches is reserved for just such a sandwich.

Now, if after reading all of this you get the impression I had a lousy time in Halifax, I should clarify that this was not the case. I'm just more of the type to emphasize the negative. The friends I went with are a great group of people. Their company more than makes up for lousy club sandwiches and less than stellar shopping trips.

On the way home from Halifax we stopped at Chapters and I managed to find a copy of Fight Club that didn't have Edward Norton's face on the cover. While I love the movie, I hate it when a book cover is plastered with actors faces and scenes from the film adaptation. The worst example of this has to be when they slap the movie poster from Blade Runner on the cover of Philip K. Dick's Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? While I am a fan of both, the movie has so little to do with the book, the association seems rather pointless.

And in true Chester fashion, a night cannot really be complete without having a few drinks. So we picked up some booze at the NSLC boutique in Bayer's Lake before heading back to town. We ended up playing poker for a few hours and I left the table the big winner with $20 in my pocket. That made me feel a bit better for dropping money on the lousy meal.

Finally, as a side note, my good friend Jared, who has been been living in Houston lately, tells me that Richard Roundtree (the original Shaft) frequently eats at the restaurant where he works. And seeing as Shaft's Big Score! is, in my opinion, the best blaxploitation movie there is, I'm hoping he's gonna get me an autograph.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

"Yippee-ki-yay, Motherfucker."

It's been almost three weeks since my last post, so I'm going to try and recap everything that has happened as best as I can.

Part I - Christmas in Chester
It was a good Christmas this year at the old family homestead. My parents were there and my sister and her husband flew in from Ontario. To get myself in the Christmas spirit this year I tried to watch as many movies that were somewhat Christmas oriented. This meant watching the Die Hard trilogy, Elf and Scrooged. But for good measure, my father and I watched The Godfather Part II.

As far as gifts went, I made out pretty good this year: a new stereo, some CDs, some DVDs, and a Trailer Park Boys t-shirt. I also got some Christmas cash which I parlayed into some choice DVDs during all the Boxing Week madness sales. Nothing says tidings of comfort and joy quite like fighting your way through the crowds at Wal-Mart on Dec. 27th.

I managed to see my friends a lot over Christmas, which was nice. There were a few house parties and trips to the local tavern. One interesting thing that happened to me actually occured on the night of the 25th. I met up with some friends for a few drinks, a walk and some heavy conversation. It was on our way home that we were passed in the street by a local motorist. As the driver passed us, they leaned out their window and yelled, "Pricks!" I had to laugh. It was Christmas day's night (I think you know what I mean by that) and I got called a prick from someone in a passing car. Baby Jesus would be so proud.

Part II - New Year's in Moncton
All the hubbub this year indicated that everyone here in town was going to take it easy on New Year's Eve so they go all out on Levy Day (aka New Year's Day). So, when I got wind that some of my New Brunswick peeps were getting together in Moncton, I thought, "why the hell not." It was a fun time, mostly because I got see some friends that I haven't seen in almost six months.

We ended up going to a party in the suburbs. Our hosts were a young, yuppie-ish married couple. It was kinda weird because I only knew the people I had gone to the party with. Thankfully, my friends know how to have a good time, even in situations where we're the odd ones out. The big countdown culminated with two of my friends having a champagne fight on the balcony. Good times.

But what's a trip to Moncton without shopping? I managed to pick up a few more sweet DVDs, some used books, some Star Wars Pez dispensers, and some cool records courtesy of Spin-It Records. What records, you say? Well, I'll tell you:

Elvis Costello - King of America (LP)
Eric's Trip - Julie And The Porthole To Dimentia (7")
Glenn Danzig - Who Killed Marilyn? (7")
Sex Pistols - Regular S.F. Ippies & Assorted Longhairs (7")
Talking Heads - Blind (12" Single)

Part III - Whitey
I've had a few people ask me about Whitey lately, so I thought I'd bring you all up to speed. In the last few months, Whitey has become a regular fixture around here. He comes to the house at least twice a day for food and scratching. My father feeds him breakfast every morning and I feed him again around dinner time. Whitey lets us pet him and comes willingly into the house when we let him (something that drives my mother crazy).

We recently learned that Whitey is at least seven or eight years old. Whitey's real name was Snowball and he belonged to a family living not far from my parent's house. It would seem that Whitey and the family came to be at odds over the years and now they have kicked him (or her, we still don't know) out of their home. We suspect Whitey was abused by his previous owners. Thankfully, Whitey has warmed up to my family and we continue to show him more attention and affection than your average stray/disowned pet would likely receive.

Part IV - How to become a Minor Media Celebrity in your own Mind
Not long ago, I briefly mentioned that I was published in the local paper. It was a letter to the editor in regards to a poorly written article on music downloading. I had to say that I was quite pleased when my letter got published. I even felt like a minor media celebrity after people started asking me about the letter.

It was two weeks later when my letter received a response in the same letter to the editor section. My responder didn't understand the point of my letter and chose to suggest that I was simply an aging headbanger who was upset that someone had wronged Metallica (whom, the writer suggested, must be my favorite band). For the record, I would like to state that I am not now nor have I ever been a Metallica fan.

After reading the response letter I went through a variety of emotions. I was shocked, I was pissed, I was curious, I was offended, I was amused, I felt a little gassy, and finally I considered revenge. Not violent revenge, but literary revenge. I must have written at least three drafts of my response letter before I decided to just let it go. I guess in the end, my petty squabbling with bad teenage writers at the Chester Clipper had to stop somewhere. I decided to be the bigger man and drop the whole thing. It was just as I suggested with the original title of my letter, kids say the darndest things.