Saturday, December 17, 2005

Christmas Shopping, Child Labor, Letters To The Editor, & The "Merry Christmas Satan" Conspiracy

Eins I'm done my Christmas shopping, thank God. Last week I did a stint in Halifax and another stint in Bridgewater. And yes, I know I keep bitching about how much I hate Bridgewater, but when you live where I do, your shopping options are limited. I'm just glad it's all over with, I'd hate to have some shopping left to do this close to Christmas.

Zwei Maybe I'm the only one who sees this, but is everyone working at Zellers/Wal-Mart either under 16 or over 60? I know Wal-Mart makes it a point to hire the (for the lack of a better word) elderly, but they also hire a lot of punk ass kids too. The 16 year old kid behind the counter at Wal-Mart's video section in Bridgewater kept calling me sir. I'm 24, for God's sake. And I don't think someone who is buying an armload of kung fu DVDs qualifies as a 'sir.' Now while it is true that I have all the necessary equipment for such a title, I'm hardly distinguished enough to warrant being addressed as such.

Drei I've said it before and I'll say it again, I love the Police Academy movies. When I hit Zellers last week I found a cheapo double sided DVD with Police Academy 2 and 3 on it. So I made and effort this past week to watch both movies. Fellow Police Academy aficionados will note that these particular movies in the series were the only ones to feature Art Metrano as Lt./Cmndt. Mauser, the bad guy/fall guy/foil to Steve Guttenberg and his whacky band of co-horts. All other movies in the series featured G.W. Bailey as the belovedly hated Capt. Thaddeus Harris. And if anyone other than me is still reading this now I've written all that, I'll be surprised.

Vier My letter to the editor of the Chester Clipper did in fact get published in this week's copy of the paper. I'll try to get a scan of it here on the site in the next week or so. I've already had two people stop me to talk about it. Yay for me.

Fünf I don't know if anyone else has noticed this one either, but I keep hearing "Little Saint Nick" by the Beach Boys everywhere I go. It was on the PA at Zellers, it's on the radio and it's even in one of the newer holiday themed Coca-Cola commercials. The only reason I bring it up, besides the fact that I am a Beach Boys fan, is that the lyrics sound like the Boys are singing "Merry Christmas Satan." Now, I checked around for the real lyrics and nothing I've seen would suggest that this is somehow a Satanic Christmas song. But every time I hear it, whether on TV or in a packed department store, I can't help singing "Merry Christmas Satan" during the chorus. I urge you all to find and listen to this song and tell me whether or not you hear them singing "Merry Christmas Satan."

Sechs I'm like this close to 1000 hits. I hope to break that mark before the new year. Here's mud in your eye.

Super Happy Fantabulous Bonus Stuff

First off is an older clip of Siskel & Ebert fighting. I guess those guys didn't really like each other too much. Ebert comes off like a total douchebag. Hilarious stuff. (This Link No Longer Works)

Secondly, since apparently nothing says world peace like Smurf genocide, a Unicef commercial where so many of your favorite childhood characters are killed by falling bombs. The people behind Unicef are sick bastards. Warning: this European ad may upset those who still love all things Smurf.

And finally, a funny music video making fun of Emo kids. If you hate Emo kids, you'll love this clip. Enjoy.

Sunday, December 11, 2005

"You Got To Know When To Hold ’Em, Know When To Fold ’Em."

After waiting and waiting, I finally got to play some poker this week. I got the call last Wednesday night for a Texas Hold 'Em session. This was my first real opportunity to sit down with some people and play poker in more than a year. Lately, in an attempt to quench my thirst for poker, I tried playing online. But, it doesn't quite do it for me playing the game that way. It's just better when you're face to face with your fellow players. There's something about the ability to feel the chips in your hand and to sing "The Gambler" to a player who absent-mindedly counts their chips in the middle of the game.

Back when I was living in Fredericton, I would refer to playing poker as "Operation: Take Steve's Money." This referred to Steve, one of our usuals around the poker table. Steve and I got along alright, but we weren't exactly friends. He had a habit of telling stories about himself, how much money he had, the great places he had been, etc. But the one thing I liked about Steve was taking his money. To me there was no sweeter sound than sweeping up Steve's chips after he blabbed on and on about his backpacking trip through Europe.

So, I was pretty stoked to play when the call came through. But since I had never played with this group of guys before, I was playing on the defensive. I didn't want to give away any "tells" and I was also trying to make up for being anything but a pro at Texas Hold 'Em. I figured I'd keep them guessing and that way I'd probably get invited back for another game. While I was a little disappointed with my performance, the game lasted around five hours and everyone involved had a good time. In the end I only lost seven dollars, so I felt pretty good about the whole thing.


The first two links are to some funny phone calls. Having worked previously at a call centre, I'm quite familiar with the types of people making these calls.

Call One is from an older woman trying to buy a computer. This would normally be a difficult enough process for the uninitiated, but it also seems she had been getting the run around from an automated phone system for awhile before leaving this voicemail. My favorite part is when she starts bitching about the "younger generation."

Call Two is from some woman who thinks 911 can help her with her taco situation. She keeps calling the male operator "bitch" and screaming for assistance with her taco. One of the operator's first questions to her is "are you drunk?" I can't decide which is funnier/scarier though, the woman on the line or the tone of the 911 operator. Either way, this call must be heard to be believed.

And now for the piece de resistance, a clip from the 1972 Bruce Lee classic Return of the Dragon. This clip contains the epic battle between Bruce Lee and Chuck Norris, that's right Chuck freakin' Norris. In this clip, our two heros throw down in the ruins of the Roman Colosseum. Now, I will warn you that the video contained in this link is pretty choppy, but you'll at least get a glimpse of the greatness that is Bruce Lee vs Chuck Norris. Oh, and just in case you were wondering, Chuck totally throws down some amazing roundhouse kicks.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

No Line For Walk The Line

I went on an impromptu trip to the movies last Thursday night. Some friends and I saw the new Johnny Cash biopic Walk the Line. Now, I've been a casual fan of Johnny Cash for a number of years now. I'm no fan of country music, but to me Johnny Cash has always been one of those artists capable of transcending genres. So, I was more or less eager to see Walk the Line. This did unfortunately mean that I had to go to Bridgewater, one of my most hated of places. But I put such hatred aside for a few hours for one of my more loved of activities, going to the movies.

Bridgewater recently built a new multiplex near their impossibly shitty mall. This came a number of years after they closed their last multiplex, which was located inside an impossibly shitty mall (oddly enough, I'm talking about two different malls). I was expecting a crowd, it being cheap night and all, but I was somewhat pleased that there was virtually no one there and as my title suggested there was no line for Walk the Line. Such mild pleasure was soon sullied upon finding out that a box of Milk Duds and a coke cost about as much as my ticket did.

As for the movie itself, it was pretty good. The acting was fine and whatnot. The singing was also fine. Reese Witherspoon really surprised me, as I have never really cared for her in any movie I've seen her in. My one problem with Walk the Line though was that it was a bit too long. The movie was about two hours and fifteen minutes long and you could really start to feel it after about an hour and a half. Now, knowing what little I know about Johhny Cash's life, I knew going in that this was not a story that could easily be wrapped up in ninety minutes. And even with the time they had, they only covered a portion of his life and accomplishments, which was a little disappointing. But, I still maintain that Walk the Line was a smidgeon too long.

Now I wouldn't let my minor nitpicking dissuade you from seeing Walk the Line, if you haven't already seen it. In this dismal year of movies we've had, Walk the Line is a refreshing change from artsy crap and brainless popcorn movies. Casual fans and hardcore Cash fanatics will all find something to enjoy in this movie. Even if you don't really know anything about Johnny Cash, you should probably see this movie. Even if your only exposure to Johnny Cash's music comes from having drunkenly sang "Ring of Fire" at somebody's house party, you should probably see this movie.