"Send Me A Postcard."

Chuck Norris movie review #5: Invasion U.S.A.

Plot: Chuck Norris is a retired CIA agent living on the bayou with his pet armadillo when a group of communists decide to invade the United States. Chuck is hesitant to get involved until the commies kill his native-american-fanboat-driving buddy. Then all hell breaks loose as our hero single handedly takes on the entire communist insurgency. Those pinko bastards had no idea what they were getting themselves into.

How you can tell this movie was made in 1985: All the C's are there: cold war politics, communism, cocaine, and Chuck Norris.

Best depiction of communists as soulless killing machines: We start with a nice establishing shot of a quiet suburb, straight out of Anytown, USA. Some neighborhood kids are playing football in the street (despite the fact that it's night), some teens are making out in a Trans Am (that dude is totally gonna score), and a nice, white, Christian, nuclear family are decorating a tree on their front lawn (well, actually Dad and the kids are decorating, Mom's in the kitchen cooking supper). Suddenly, a non-descript truck pulls up and a couple of commies with rocket launchers start blowing up houses. In the span of thirty seconds, the commies blown up five or six houses and then take off. No one in these houses had anything to do with the rest of the movie. They were simply there to appear to be wholesome and then appear to be on fire.

Quammy's favorite scene: It's Christmas time in Miami (or wherever this movie is supposed to take place) so the commies decide to start some shit in a shopping mall. Chuck Norris, hip to their plan, drives his pickup truck into the mall (literally) and starts kicking some ass. This leads to a major shoot-'em-up and then to a truck chase through the mall.

Now, ever since I was a kid and saw the Blues Brothers movie for the first time, I've always wanted to drive a vehicle inside a shopping complex. Whenever I see a show car in a mall, I dream about being the guy driving it around inside the building. If I ever direct a movie it will have a vehicle-inside-a-mall sequence.