"Should I Stay Or Should I Go?"

No, this isn't a post about the Clash, it's actually a post about the Rolling Stones. You see, the Stones are going to be playing a show in Halifax in September and I can't decide if I should go or not. Tickets go on sale on Monday, so time for debating the issue is very limited.

What bugs me most (even more than the $99 ticket price) is the fact that they haven't announced who'll be opening for the Stones. I look at it this way, if the opening act is good it's like a bonus for the money you spent to see the main act. But, if the opening band sucks, you feel like an idiot because part of your admission went to a bunch of douchebags. Knowing my luck, if I decide not to go, it'll be announced that the Who are playing a secret opening slot. And if I do decide to go, the opening act will turn out to be someone like Journey and I will have to kill myself.

What's a guy supposed to do?

A Few Things I Miss From The 90s

- Mixtapes
- Crystal Clear Pepsi
- Nirvana
- Jean Chrétien choking out protesters
- Duckman
- A time when almost no one had cell phones
- Eric's Trip
- The novelty of laser pointers
- Kids in the Hall
- Laughing at people who thought yo-yos were cool
- Pogs
- When Much Music (or MTV) played music videos
- Mr. Show
AND...
- The distant hope that the Star Wars prequels would be awesome

What do you miss?

"Do You Guys Have A Problem With Being Quiet?"

Duck I went camping with some friends over the weekend. We went to Kejimkujik National Park, a beautiful spot about an hour and a half away from where I live. I'd been to Keji maybe twice before, but I never remembered the place being quite as busy or as modern as it was this time around. For starters, the camp grounds are littered with public bathrooms with indoor plumbing, soap dispensers and electric hand dryers (the kind that sense when your hands are under them). Since when did camping involve freely dispensed soap?

Also, as I mentioned, the place was rather busy. My friends and I, a motley crew of twenty-somethings, had three adjoining sites in the midst of what seemed to be the section of sites reserved for families. The major problem with that is that families tend to enjoy starting their day bright and early, while twenty-somethings often enjoy sleeping off their hangovers until well into the morning.

And if you were wondering about the above quote, it came from one of the park's rangers as he escorted us back to our respective sites for being too loud and rambunctious (ie: drunk) on one of the beaches well past quiet time. Personally, I think the whole quiet time thing is ridiculous. Who the hell wants to go to bed at 11 when you're camping anyway?

Duck Did you know that one of the alternate titles to the original Transformers cartoon show was Super God Robot Force? I'm seriously not kidding.

Duck Spaceblood, the rockingest band currently residing in Fredericton, NB recently had one of their songs chosen as "Song of the week" by Exclaim magazine. You can check that track out by going here.

Goose Mr. T is giving up his trademark gold chains. After witnessing the devastation in New Orleans first-hand, Mr. T decided that it was no longer appropriate to adorn himself with piles of gold. This thoughtful gesture is only further proof that Mr. T is one of our greatest living heroes.

Noise From The Great White North

Seeing as tomorrow is Canada Day, I thought I'd put together a little list of some of my favorite albums of yesteryear made by Canadian artists. Since all best-of lists are biased on behalf of the list maker, I will fully admit that this list is biased in accordance to my tastes as they were over the last dozen or so years. Nothing on this list was released after 1999, so there is a complete absence of any newer hype-worthy Canadian bands (ie: The Arcade Fire, Death From Above 1979, Wolf Parade, Sunset Rubdown, etc.). In the end, this isn't so much a best-of list as a retrospective of five good Canadian-made albums that really don't get any play these days.

Moxy Früvous Bargainville (1994)
In the early 90s, every busker in Ontario must have been dreaming of making it big. Thanks to the grass roots success of Barenaked Ladies, Moxy Früvous went from the street corner to centre stage with their debut album Bargainville. When it first came out, I loved it for its comedic elements, songs like King of Spain, Spiderman and My Baby Loves a Bunch of Authors. But, seeing as I'm a such a big fan of the Beach Boys (Pet Sounds > Sgt. Pepper's), I can't help but love the harmonies on this album. What makes this album still enjoyable today is that a lot of the leftist political messages still ring true. The environment is still in danger, blue collar work is still rough and there is still war in the middle east. Songs like Stuck in the 90s, with the line "buy a new gameboy for the fun and the fashion," are even more appropriate today than they were twelve years ago.
Download: River Valley, Stuck in the 90s, The Drinking Song, Gulf War Song

Burnt Black Nervous Wreck (1996)
The girl I went to my high school prom with introduced me to this great Halifax-via-Yarmouth band. They had a heavy sound with some alternately haunting and screamy vocals. It was no surprise to me that the lead singer would go on to work with bands like Wintersleep and Kary, as well as have a half dozen other bands of his own (ie: The Trephines, The Remains of Brian Borcherdt and Holy Fuck). I remember trying to get my hands on a copy of this album for years. I even wrote the band, only to be surprised some weeks later with a long, hand-written letter and some stickers. I would eventually come to acquire this CD from a pawn shop in Fredericton, NB. While it remains criminally out of print, this album is a cornerstone of what would become the Halifax sound of later years.
Download (if you can): Purpose Served, Leaving You, Coming of Estrus

B.T.K. Birth Through Knowledge (1998)
While this album of white-boy rap stylings isn't quite on par with the other albums on this list, it should be noted that it is still a good album. BTK came and went from the Canadian music scene faster than......well, it was just fast. Ask anyone today about BTK and they will immediately think your talking about an American serial killer. Nobody remembers the great video for Peppyrock featuring all those puppets and Sesame Street parodies. But that's the way it goes. You have one moderately successful track with a clever video to back it up and then you're forgotten before the year is over.
Download: Peppyrock, Superchile

Gob How Far Shallow Takes You (1999)
This was the last good Gob album. After this, Gob traded skate punk for the oh-so-lucrative pop punk sound, with albums like The World According to Gob and Foot in Mouth Disease. I almost got to see Gob once in concert when I was in University, but it ended up that I had to go the opera instead (seriously). This album can almost be considered the last album to be spawned from the punk revival of the mid-90s (read: Green Day, The Offspring). After this, popular punk became pop punk (read: Sum 41, Good Charlotte, Simple Plan). Thankfully, this last blast of credibility from Gob still sounds good today.
Download: On These Days..., Beauville, What To Do

Eric's Trip Forever Again (1995)
I only started listening to Eric's Trip a few years ago, but I have since become obsessed with the band. I have shelled out some serious cash for their vinyl singles and I'm planning on making the pilgrimmage to Sackville, NB in August for their reunion show. This album is probably my favorite of all the band's records. From start to finish, it's an indie rock extravaganza. Rick White was a genius when it came to making lo-fi recordings. The album sounds as if it were lovingly cobbled from various archival recordings that could have been easily lost to the ages. It's really a shame that Eric's Trip isn't more well known. Despite having been the first Canadian band signed to Sub Pop (a tradition continued even today by bands like Wolf Parade), many of their albums are either out of print or are simply overlooked by record stores. Do yourself a favor and seek out a copy of this album.
Download: New Love, Girlfriend, Always There, View Master

So, kids, that's it for your history lesson. I have a big day of drinking and fireworks ahead of me tomorrow, so this will have to tide you over for a while.

"I Am Looking For A Dare To Be Great Situation."

I know I promised something Moxy Fruvous related in my last post, but two things prevented me from doing so: John Cusack and a turtle. I'll get Cusack out of the way first and then I'll tell you about the turtle.

Today is (or was, depending on when you're reading this) John Cusack's 40th birthday. I happen to be quite the Cusack booster. In fact, my appreciation for the works of John Cusack once bordered on obsession, but I'm better now, he doesn't need any more stalkers. So, I was all set to sit down and write a post about the various Cusack flicks you should run out and watch (like Better Off Dead..., One Crazy Summer, Say Anything..., Grosse Pointe Blank, and High Fidelity to name but a few) when I heard my Dad yell out, "you wanna see a turtle?"


As it turned out, this turtle had somehow found its way to the parking lot of what was once the gas station across the street from where I live. I approached the turtle cautiously, took several pictures and made at least one Crocodile Hunter joke. I wasn't really sure what to do with said turtle. Should I let nature take its course or should I intervene? Such a philosophical quandry for someone in a gas station parking lot. In the end, it was decided that this was no place for a turtle. So with the help of my friend Adam and some neighbors, we took the turtle down the road to Stanford Lake and set it free. The turtle must have appreciated the change of scenery because it immediately shuffled its way into the lake and swam away.

So, barring any more celebrity birthdays or errant wildlife, my next post will be about Moxy Fruvous in some way, shape or form.

I Am A Bad Blogger

I used to criticize bloggers who would go weeks between posts, but that was when I was unemployed and had 8+ hours to spend online in the run of a day. These days, I'm gainfully employed and my internet time has to be carefully rationed between checking my favorite mp3 blogs and scouring eBay for choice finds. But fear not blog-fans, I promise to pay more attention to my blog. So, look out for more B movie reviews and Sunday morning hangover reports.

If you've read this far, you may be asking yourself what I'm doing for work these days. The new job I alluded to earlier is that of a scalehouse operator at the local sanitary landfill. What does that mean, you might be asking yourself. To which I might suggest that you are one nosy bastard, but I'll tell you anyway. It means that I monitor the weights and loads of vehicles entering and exiting what is commonly referred to in rural communities as "the dump." Though glamorous it is not, as a new employee of the local government, I earn a good wage and will be privy to various benefits in the new future.

Also, my new job has provided me with the means to get a car. Every morning I cruise to work in style in my new (to me) 2003 Pontiac Sunfire. Boy, oh boy. It's a good car and it's in great shape. Though I still managed to get a flat tire the other day, which totally sucked ass. This is actually my first car, I had never really wanted to own a car before, but since my new job is 20+ minutes away from where I live, I had little choice in the matter. I know and care very little about cars, so don't expect me to be one of those guys who spends all his time "tricking out" his "ride" with fancy rims and a stereo worth more than the vehicle itself.

And finally to whet the appetite of anyone still reading this blog of mine, I'm brainstorming a special blog entry in honor of the upcoming Canada Day holiday. I'm not gonna give too much away, but I will say that it may or may not involve Moxy Fruvous.

"The Next Time I Have To Come In Here I'm Crackin' Skulls."

Sad news blog fans, beloved character actor Paul Gleason died over the weekend. Though best known for his role as Principal Richard Vernon in the John Hughes classic, The Breakfast Club, Gleason had roles in almost 100 different movies as well as appearances in numerous TV shows. He will be missed.

Select Filmography:

[1983] Trading Places
[1985] The Breakfast Club
[1985] Ewoks: The Battle for Endor
[1987] Morgan Stewart's Coming Home
[1988] Die Hard
[1993] National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1
[1994] Revenge of the Nerds IV: Nerds in Love
[2001] Not Another Teen Movie
[2002] Van Wilder

It's My Blog-O-Versary

Yeah, sorry about that title. But today marks one year of blogging for the old Quamster. And what a year it's been... Anyways, I have some good news. I got a job. It's by no means a glamorous job, but seeing as I've been unemplyed for some nine or ten months, I'm not one to make waves at this point. Also, I just read about the Sappy Records music festival going on in August in Sackville, NB. There's gonna be lots of good music, including a reunion performance from one of my favorite bands, Eric's Trip! So, I'm gonna do whatever I can to get out to Sackville this August to check out that festival. And finally, a quick thank you to anyone who has been reading my blog. I don't know who you are, but you make it all worthwhile.

"How About A Nice Game Of Chess?"

There's a lot of things I miss about the '80s: the cold war, working Pac Man arcade machines, Ally Sheedy, and the almost complete absence of cellphones (to name a few). It was while watching WarGames that all these fond memories came flooding back to me. For those who don't remember, WarGames was a precautionary cold war tale in which Matthew Broderick comes within seconds of causing World War III. Using technology that predated the Nintendo, Broderick manages to hack into NORAD computers and set in motion the mutually assured destruction of both Russia and the United States.

WarGames is a prime example of what makes watching '80s movies so enjoyable today. It's like watching a time capsule full of antiquated technology, products, popular culture and politics. In one brief scene Broderick and Sheedy are sitting in front of Broderick's computer (a beastly machine that uses 8" floppy discs) drinking cans of Tab and playing a computer game with graphics just slightly ahead of Pong. Broderick even uses one of those modems that you have sit the phone's receiver on.


The movie is also full of notable '80s character actors like Barry Corbin, Eddie Deezen, Maury Chaykin and Alan Blumenfeld. There is even a scene at the beginning of the movie with a young Michael Madsen, a full nine years before he cut the ear off a cop in Reservoir Dogs.

Bonus Section

I had been thinking a lot lately about the song "Any Sense of Time" by the old school Halifax band The Inbreds, so I was quite blown away when I heard it on the season finale of Trailer Park Boys. So, for your enjoyment, I present:

[MP3] The Inbreds - Any Sense of Time

(FYI: I'm stealing this download link, so I don't know how long it will be good for.)

They Don't Make Bootlegs Like They Used To

In an effort to free up some space on my computer, I've been trying to get rid of as many old files as I can. It was it this spirit of PC cleanliness that I stumbled across a copy of Within The Woods, the "prequel" to the Evil Dead trilogy. It's likely that I downloaded the file some three or four years ago but never got around to watching it. I know I've made numerous attempts to watch it before, but the incredibly poor video quality has always kept me from going the distance.


Within the Woods is more or less a condensed version of Evil Dead. At just over 30 minutes, it touches on a few plot points that would eventually surface in the later Evil Dead movies along with a few 70s horror movie cliches. A group of young people get together at a creepy cabin in the woods. Said cabin happens to have been built over an old Indian burial ground (a fact that they are well aware of). In the process of digging a fire pit for a weenie roast, a grave is disturbed, all hell breaks loose, and the remaining twenty minutes are full of screaming and gore.


Now, the version that I downloaded was very dark and blurry, so I had to assume I knew what was happening from time to time. It's possible that there are some decent quality copies of Within the Woods out there, but I can't see myself making too much of an effort to track one down. Some fans on IMDB claim that they're willing to pay up to $50 for a copy, but my guess is that they haven't seen it yet. "Lost" classics are always worth more before you find out why they may have been lost in the first place.

If you like to know more, consult your local library, or read this article.

"Happy Life Day."

I have seen something that no sane human being should have to ever see, The Star Wars Holiday Special. Shown on TV once in 1978, the special was supposed to reward eager Star Wars fans as they waited for Empire Strikes Back to be completed. The result was a televised atrocity of unimaginable proportions. If you never see the Holiday Special, consider yourself lucky. Long considered a rare lost gem among Star Wars fans, the special does more to harm the legacy of Star Wars than to help it.

The Holiday Special centers around Chewbacca's family as they await his return to the Wookie home world for "Life Day." Not an entirely bad premise, until you remember that Wookie's don't talk like you and I. So, what you end up with is an hour and a half of Wookies growling at each other like tortured llamas at a zoo. Worse yet is the fact that one of the Wookies, Itchy (Chewbacca's father), looks like roadkill.


You might be asking yourself, "how could it get any worse?" Two words: Jefferson Starship. That's right, Jefferson freakin' Starship. Nobody likes Jefferson Starship, not now, not ever. If you say you like Jefferson Starship, you're a filthy liar.

I guess, in an effort to pad out a story that would have been better done with mimes, the producers of the Holiday Special decided they needed some variety acts. Throughout the Special there are songs by Jefferson Starship, Diahann Carroll, and Bea Arthur (a freakin' Golden Girl for God's sake). There's also some juggler/tumbler types that make Cirque du Soleil look like God's gift to the masses.

Also, periodically throughout the Special, the Wookies would check in with various members of the cast of the original Star Wars movie. We get to see Harrison Ford hugging Wookies (he literally hugs every Wookie three times each). We also get a look at a coked-out Carrie Fisher, who sings a song so bad it would make a deaf person cringe. But most famously, we get to see Mark Hamill fresh from his disfiguring car accident. They put so much makeup on Mark Hamill to hide his scars, he is almost unrecognizable.


Now, it must be said that there is one (and only one) redeemable aspect of the Star Wars Holiday Special and that is the fact that it introduced Boba Fett into the Star Wars universe. At one point during the Special, there is a brief cartoon interlude where we see the first encounter between Boba Fett and our other favorite Star Wars characters. The animation is pretty weak, much like the early Droids cartoon series itself, but the fact that we got to see some kickass bounty hunter action in the middle of a major crapfest makes up for the sloppy work of those Korean animation house slave laborers.


So, if nothing else, you now know that the elusive Star Wars Holiday Special was a television event that far surpassed the suck factor of Fonzie jumping the shark and the last episode of Seinfeld combined. I can't stress this enough, the Special is so bad, it cannot even be enjoyed on an ironic level. For your own mental health and personal well being, never EVER watch the Star Wars Holiday Special.

IN OTHER STAR WARS NEWS...

They're finally going to release the original theatrical versions of the classic trilogy on DVD. This means no more CGI X-Wings, no new musical numbers, Boba Fett's original voice and Han shoots first. This is a great time to be fan of the classic trilogy who was pissed off by all the changes Lucas made in his "Special Editions." The DVDs won't be out until September and they will apparently only be available until Dec. 31st 2006.

And finally, George Lucas has been immortalized in action figure form. A younger, bearded Lucas has been made into a Stormtrooper, proving once and for all which side of the Force Lucas is really on.

Vacations, Discounts, Magnetic Tape & My Newfound Boredom With Myspace

Duck I have to apologize for the lack of new posts here on the blog, but I'm in a bit of a slump right now. I'm basically forcing myself to post this just so I can say that I at least posted something new.

Duck I went to Fredericton about two weeks ago to visit some old friends. It was a good opportunity to catch up with people and visit all my old haunts. I got to go to my favorite pawn shop, Digital World. The good folks there were happy to see me and they even gave me my old 20% discount.

Duck I've been buying a lot of VHS lately. While I was in Fredericton, I went to the local Jumbo Video. They were selling off a considerable portion of their old VHS stock to make room for their DVDs. I was able to pick up a few sweet titles, most of which have yet to see the light of day on DVD. It kind of pisses me off that video stores are getting rid of their old VHS selections because I'm such a big fan of old movies, but at the same time it usually means that I can get my hands on the old titles as they're being purged from the shelves.

Duck If you haven't already noticed, I've become a bit smitten with You Tube. As much as I love it though, I have to admit that the site is far from perfect. I can't tell you how many times I've clicked on a link to what I thought was going to be something cool, only to find out that it's been removed due to copyright infringement. What is odd though, is that most of the time I'm on You Tube I'm watching commercials. Not ads forced on me by the site, but actual commercials like Devo's Honda Scooter commercial, Jack White's Coca-Cola ad and Wes Anderson's awesome American Express ad.

Goose I'm officially bored of Myspace. I still use it to keep in touch with friends (at least the ones I've actually had face to face conversations with) but I no longer want to spend more than five minutes on it. It's become just another inbox for me. I check it everyday to see if anyone's written me or if I have have any new friends and then I get bored. I blame the kids of today, what with their stupid haircuts and their lousy emo music.

"So, Religion's For Fools, Eh?... Fools And Liberals!"

I just finished watching the Clone High DVD box set and I was reminded of just how great this show was. So I thought I'd write about it. So, here we are. If you didn't happen to catch Clone High during its brief run back in 2002, you really missed out. Allow me to offer a brief explanation for the uninitiated: The show centered around a high school populated by teenaged clones of historical and cultural figures. Imagine a show where a teenage Abe Lincoln (who's best friends are Joan of Arc and Ghandi) is in love with Cleopatra who is dating JFK, and they all go to high school together under the watchful gaze of their principal and his robot butler. Sounds confusing? It really wasn't. The show even had some great celebrity guest stars like Marilyn Manson, Tom Green and John Stamos.

Originally aired on MTV in the US and on Teletoon in Canada, the show was a send-up of teen dramas. Which is surprising when you consider just how much MTV tends to pander to teens rather than to point out their foibles and imperfections. MTV cancelled Clone High in the US without airing all the episodes due to protests over the show's portrayal of Ghandi. So, like a number of other great cartoons that came out around the same time (ie: Mission Hill, The Oblongs and Undergrads), Clone High came to an end long before its popularity began to fade. The DVD set was released here in Canada last year, though it remains unreleased in the US.

I'm Already Waiting In Line For My Tickets

Damn you Korean animation-house slave labourers, draw faster!

"You're The Posse Of The Future."

Wow. What a powerful anti-piracy message. I can't believe piracy didn't stop dead in its tracks after this video came out. I mean, I never knew just how many nerds I was hurting. I'm gonna delete all my mp3s and video files and you should too.

Why Don't They Make Novelty St. Patty's Day Hats For People With Big Heads?

All my life, I've been cursed with a slightly larger than average head. This has drastically affected my ability to wear hats. Now, while my head isn't freakishly big (like, say, that of Sloth from The Goonies) it's just big enough that I can't wear any of those "one-size-fits-all" hats that you average headed people can wear. So really, it's no big deal, except when it comes to St. Patrick's Day. I love those green plastic St. Patrick's Day novelty hats, but alas, I can't wear them. They're just a wee bit too small for my head. So imagine my shame as the hats were being passed around the Black Pearl and I had to gingerly rest mine on the back of my head. Sullen in the fact that it was not a proper fit. Oh, cruel fate, why do you mock me?

Today is/was the day after St. Patrick's Day, which means that I'm a bit hung over. Being half-Irish (I wore green, did you?) I was obligated to have a few drinks last night. I stayed away from green beer though. You can dress up a glass of draught any way you like, but it's still cheap swill. And while my friends and I managed to bring our A game to the celebration, I couldn't help but be surprised by the lack of St. Patty's Day drunken shenanigans in my community. My town is notorious for its alcoholism and yet it was unsettlingly sober and quiet on the most Irish of holidays.

I haven't much else to say. This post was mostly intended as a cop out from doing a recap on the last week or so and as a peace offering to those who are concerned that my blog is turning into a DVD review column (this means you, Fairbanks). So, until I watch something Chuck Norris related, this will have to hold you all over. I'll throw in a few video links, because if CNN is any indication (and when have they been wrong?), everyone loves internet videos.

Most Honorable Video Links

First off, a compilation of the "famous" Trunk Monkey ads. When news shows do reports on internet videos (aka viral videos) the Trunk Monkey ads always seem to get mentioned. I guess demographics don't lie, people like monkeys.

Next up we have Volkswagen's Unpimp My Ride ads. A great series of ads featuring Peter Stormare, everyone's favorite nihilist from The Big Lebowski. Check out the three ads here, here and here.

Someone once asked, "what the hell is wrong with German people?" And while I don't know the answer to that question, I present you with a clip of Germany's least patient citizen. I can only hope that this kid never gets the opportunity to sire offspring.

And finally, a classic Super Mario Bros head to head competition. Two guys square off in front of a crowd to see who can beat the beloved Nintendo game in the least amount of time.

"Get Me A Beer, Kid."

'I have a pretty strict criteria for seeing movies, they must star Chuck Norris.' - Stephen Colbert March 6th, 2006

I couldn't agree with you more Mr. Colbert.

So, it was in this spirit that I watched the Chuck Norris classic Lone Wolf McQuade the other night. A movie that would foreshadow Norris' own career and show us all that no other man could quite portray a Texas Ranger like our man Chuck.

1983 finds our bearded hero playing the role of J.J. McQuade, a man who keeps a pet wolf at home and wouldn't drink an imported beer if you paid him. A Texas Ranger who plays by his own rules but always gets the job done. But in spite of his solid record of kicking ass and taking names, McQuade's superiors don't care for his "lone wolf" style of Texas justice. Enter Kayo, McQuade's new hispanic junior partner. Together, the two begin to investigate a series of illegal arms deals. This leads the duo to encounter Rawley Wilkes (played by David Carradine of Kung Fu and Death Race 2000 fame) and Lola, his lady love.

In no time at all Norris steals Carradine's woman. All it took was a display of his ass kicking abilities (and really what woman could resist that?). So, in retaliation, Carradine sends Norris' daughter to the hospital (the oddly named Eastwood hospital, for those with keen movie watching skills). After that, it's all out war. First, Norris shakes down Carradine's business partner, who (I shit you not) is a midget in a wheelchair. Then, Norris, his hispanic partner and the only fed who isn't a candyass go on an all-out raid on Carradine's secret compound.

That pretty much sums up the plot, but no one really watches a Chuck Norris movie for the plot. Norris fans will wanna seek this movie out for the great fight sequence between Norris and Carradine. Also, in my favorite scene, Norris gets buried by bulldozers indside his nitro boosted Ram Charger. So, instead of slowly suffocating, he turns on the nitro, guns the engine and literally drives out of the ground. A feat that only Chuck Norris could accomplish. Also worth noting is that the music in this movie is all over the map, at times it sounds like an Ennio Morricone spaghetti western score, while at other times it sounds like music from The A-Team.

So, if you can find yourself a copy of Lone Wolf McQuade, check it out. You'll be glad you did.

The Best Song I Heard This Week

I heard one of the greatest songs ever the other day. It's Franz Ferdinand doing a cover of the Gwen Stefani track "What You Waiting For?" It starts off in the traditional Franz Ferdinand post-punk fashion as they plod through Stefani's lame lyrics. But the best part, which elevates the track from a quirky cover to a brilliant send-up, is during the build up when the forgettable pop tripe suddenly becomes Billy Idol's "White Wedding." Genius. You can download the song here (scroll down, way down). I highly recommend it.

I guess the only other thing worth mentioning is that the good folks at Exclaim! published some comments I sent in regarding Wolf Parade's debut album. My comments are among those featured in the February issue of the publication as part of results from their 2005 Readers Poll. This marks the fourth time that my comments have been published by Exclaim!. If you can't get to your nearest record store to pick up the issue, you can see my comments by clicking on the following link and scrolling down to the section regarding Wolf Parade's album (my comments are 8th in that section).

"Welcome To My World."

There are a lot of things that have gained popularity over the last few years due to the boom in internet culture, two such examples would have to be: mullets and Chuck Norris. Thankfully in 1991, perhaps anticipating their place in culture-to-come, these two things met in a little movie called The Hitman.

Now, you may be asking yourself, "how did I manage to miss such a culturally significant movie like The Hitman?" To which I would have to reply, "I don't know, I just don't know." Lucky for you though, I just finished watching it, so I can at least fill you in on some of what you've missed.

Our story begins, like many action movies, on the loading docks. Our hero Chuck Norris and his partner are on a stakeout, looking for suspicious activity. During their investigation a drug smuggling operation is discovered, some guys get their asses kicked (courtesy of Mr. Norris) and our hero is betrayed by his partner. Later, at the hospital, our hero is recuperating after multiple life-saving operations. Since, as we all know, Chuck Norris cannot be killed, not even after being shot multiple times, then falling out of a building on to a station wagon. Chuck Norris' boss decides that as far as the public is concerned, our hero died in the line of duty.

Flash forward three years to the bustling metropolis of Seattle. We're introduced to the crime syndicate run by one Marco Luganni (played by Al Waxman, which is the first clue among many that tells us that this movie was filmed primarily in Canada). After some tough guy back-and-forth, we learn that Luganni's new number-one-guy is Chuck Norris. That's right kids, after survivng a near fatal shooting, it only took Chuck three years to become second in command of one of the west coast's biggest crime families. But don't worry kids, Chuck didn't go bad, our mulleted man-of-action is actually deep undercover trying to put an end to Luganni's gang of Italian-American stereotypes, their French Canadian competition (who are from Vancouver), and a group of Iranians who are somehow in the middle of everything.

I don't want to give everything away, but there's plenty of action, a bizarre love interest, a few roundhouse kicks and a tender subplot wherein Chuck helps an underprivileged kid stand up to the neighborhood bullies who chase him home from school everyday. Action, romance, and racial sensitivity, all of which you would expect from a Chuck Norris movie.

I Almost Forgot To Give This Post A Title

First things first, I was watching The Colbert Report last night and Stephen Colbert totally referred to C.H.U.D., one of my all-time favorite movies. It was during the threatdown, in a story about terrorists tunneling out of prison, a fiendish criminal scheme that could only have been orchestrated by the C.H.U.D.s. Being such a big fan of the 1984 movie, I was impressed that Colbert would even be familiar with C.H.U.D., but I was even more impressed when the man took it a step further by letting all the folks at home know just what the acronym stood for.

CANNIBALISTIC HUMANOID UNDERGROUND DWELLERS

If I had a hat, it would be off to you, Mr. Colbert.

So, this past Friday I was in another poker tournament at the local kick-and-punch. I did a bit better this time, coming 15th (or so) out of 70. I'll be playing again this coming Friday and I hope to do even better. I'm a little worried though, as much as I like playing at these tournaments, I don't wanna become one of those aging, drunken assholes that I have to play with. Those guys seriously piss me off.

Clinic has a new single out and it's available as a free download on their website. I'll be the first to admit that Clinic isn't exactly everyone's cup of tea, I can't say I've ever really known anyone else who was into them. But John Peel thought they were cool, they toured with Radiohead, and Internal Wrangler has to be one of the best albums I've heard in the last five years. So, if your taste in music borders on the eclectic side of indie bands, you might wanna check them out.

And finally, for you rockers out there, The Raconteurs (Jack White's new band) have a single coming out soon. You can listen to the tunes on their very cool and very retro website or you can proabably still download them from here.

Good Time Super Happy Go Go Links

First off, we have a digital short from SNL, this one is a mock music video concerning the Young Chuck Norris. It's not as funny as the Lazy Sunday clip, but anything Chuck Norris related deserves a look.

Night of the Living Dead in 30 seconds, re-enacted by bunnies. It's pretty self-explanatory but it's also pretty darn funny. If you check out the site you'll see that the 30 Second Bunnies re-enact lots of movies, this just happens to be their newest (and my personal favorite).

Here is another live interpretation of a classic Nintendo Game. This time it's a band doing the music to Contra. They're playing it live with a big screen showing the game in progress behind them. It's pretty cool stuff.

Remember those "Whassup" commercial parodies where they dubbed the commercial over cartoon characters and whatnot? No? Well, now you're at least up to speed. Here we have a clip similar in concept to those older parodies, except this has dialogue from the movie Office Space over clips of the Justice League.

Here is a clip of a monkey washing a cat in a sink. No further explanation necessary.

And finally, a cool commercial from the Super Bowl featuring MacGyver. It kills me that this commercial is so cool. But who doesn't love MacGyver? Seriously, who?