Quammy Blog

I Come Not To Praise 2008, But To Bury It

2009-01-14T12:37:00.012-04:00

2008 is thankfully behind us now, but the specter of a "best-of" recap has been haunting me for the last few weeks. So I write this, not under duress, but with a sense of begrudging obligation. Hopefully, once I've gotten this out of my system, I can go back to not writing about other stuff.

Good Movies I Saw In Theatres
Rambo
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Iron Man
The Dark Knight
Tropic Thunder

2008 wasn't exactly a banner year for theatrical releases, but there were a few diamonds in the rough. The real winner of the year had to be The Dark Knight. Despite all the hype and the haters, it was easily the best movie I saw in theatres over the course of the year.

Crappy Movies I Saw In Theatres
Burn After Reading
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Quantum of Solace
Righteous Kill

I think, if nothing else, I'll probably remember the year in movies that was 2008 for its disappointments rather than its triumphs. The Coen Brothers' Burn After Reading was especially disappointing, seeing as they made my favorite movie from 2007, No Country For Old Men. And the less said about Kingdom of the Crystal Skull and George Lucas' love for CGI monkeys, the better.

Albums I Bought
The Raconteurs - Consolers of the Lonely
Elvis Costello - Momofuku
Wolf Parade - At Mount Zoomer
Beck - Modern Guilt
Matthew Good - Live at Massey Hall

2008 wasn't a great year for music either. I try and keep up with new bands and new music from artists I already follow, but it just seemed that there wasn't much happening in music this past year.

Good Books I Read
"The Book of Other People" a short story collection edited by Zadie Smith
"The Watchmen" by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons
"Diary" by Chuck Palahniuk
"Life, the Universe and Everything" by Douglas Adams
"Ham on Rye" by Charles Bukowski
"Mastering the Universe: He-Man and the Rise and Fall of a Billion-Dollar Idea" by Roger Sweet and David Wecker

I would recommend any and all of the books listed above. I especially enjoyed Palahniuk's Diary and Bukowski's Ham on Rye.

Ahh, I feel a little bit better now. I certainly hope 2009 has more to offer than 2008 did.

The Ackermansion is Closed

2008-12-10T11:18:00.005-04:00

Sad news kids, Forrest J. Ackerman, science fiction pioneer and grandfather of genre geekdom, passed away last week. Ackerman coined the term "Sci Fi" and was also the creator and editor of the Famous Monsters of Filmland (aka Famous Monsters) magazine. Ackerman's home (aka the Ackermansion) served as a museum for his vast collection of horror and science fiction memorabilia, allowing fans to see original movie props from the golden age of cinema through to the present.

I first became aware of Mr. Ackerman (who was fondly called Uncle Forry by his fans) sometime in the mid-nineties, during the comic book/trading card/collectible boom. The Ackermansion and its staggering collection of books and props were frequently featured in a number of documentaries on collecting and/or classic genre films. For me, the Ackermansion was one of the holy grails of movie geek must-see locations. Sadly, I'll never get the chance to get a guided tour from the man himself.

Ain't It Cool News has a few tribute pieces featured on their site. Some of which you can read here and here.

That's one surly Sasquatch

2008-12-04T11:23:00.014-04:00

Hey Kids! Did you miss me?

This blog has definitely proven to be a source of disappointments, but usually those disappointments were reserved for you, the reader. But now I've gone and disappointed myself. For the longest time, I took some pride in the fact that I had posted an entry at least once a month since I started this blog. Usually it was a blatant cop-out or a placeholder post, but dammit, it was better than nothing. So, it was especially disheartening for me to realize on Monday that I totally forgotten to pay literary lip service to this blog throughout the entire month of November.

I suppose it could be worse. It's not like I was trampled to death by frantic shoppers. I used to look forward to watching the news reports about Black Friday. Those short CNN clips that showed people scrambling and fighting one another in an attempt to be the first one through the doors at 5 am. Usually the insanity resulted in little more than some scrapes and bruises and surprised testimonials from the morons that waited all night in the cold so they could save $50 on a new TV. Like a black eye in a mosh pit, the violence and subhuman behavior was always seen as something simultaneously shocking and yet somehow inevitable. I say, next year, give those Wal-Mart greeters tasers.

Speaking of things shocking yet inevitable, winter is upon us. I can't speak for everyone but here in the Maritimes the onset of winter is often viewed as an unprovoked personal attack. Every year Maritimers seem to greet the snow and dropping temperatures as if they were experiencing these meteorological phenomena for the first time. Some find themselves asking questions like, "why is it so damn cold?" "What the hell is this white stuff falling from the sky?" and "Why don't I know how to drive anymore?" I'm starting to think that all the vitamin D we soak up from the summer sun erases all the painful winter memories from our brains.

And on the subject of dwindling grey matter, Roger Ebert recently wrote and interesting screed on his blog about the death of formal film criticism. Ebert cites the rise in celebrity culture as a major factor in the decline and slow death of print based film criticism. I'm inclined to agree with Ebert to some extent on this topic. A few years ago when I first started reading/using IMDB, their news feeds were mostly filled with stories about films and film productions. In the last year, I noticed that IMDB's news feeds have become almost exclusively concerned with celebrity culture. Who's dating whom, who made what faux pas and what they were wearing. As I said, I mostly have to agree with Ebert on this topic, but there is one facet of the decline of formal (ie. print based) film criticism that Ebert doesn't seem to take into consideration: the internet. The proliferation of blogs and movie based websites has made traditional print based film criticism almost unnecessary. The entire newspaper industry is likely feeling effects similar to those felt by the music and film industry. Traditional media outlets are losing ground every day to the internet. Why would someone want to pay for a copy of the Chicago Sun Times to read a Roger Ebert movie review, when that same review is available for free on his website? I can't blame Ebert for decrying the death of print based film criticism, if all the newspapers fired all the critics he'd be out of a job (more or less).

And finally on a marginally less dour note (no pun intended), I suggest that you all check out one of my new favorite websites Passive Aggressive Notes. The site features a frequently updated collection of passive aggressive notes left for others (roommates, co-workers, customers, neighbors, etc.) If you've ever found a note on your door with a "helpful" suggestion from someone without enough backbone to actually confront you, then you'll enjoy this site.

My Apologies to Mr. Welles

2008-10-27T16:46:00.005-03:00

Hey Kids,

- The state of my pseudo-blog-project, My Year of Orson Welles, has obviously gone into the crapper. While my pseudo-obsession with the works of Mr. Welles remains intact, I can't seem to get the motivation to watch and dissect any of his movies. I turned something I love into work, which never works out for me. I'm not ruling out possible future entries in the project, but I hope none of you readers are holding your breath.

- With Halloween around the corner, I've felt the urge to buy and watch a plethora of horror movies. While watching the movies hasn't been difficult, I've found it hard to find horror movies in the usual retail locations. Even the dollar store took down all their Halloween stuff and starting putting up Christmas decorations last week.

- The recent Canadian election resulted in another Conservative government. Don't blame me, I voted for the Christian Heritage Party. (No, I didn't.)

- Ever since I took in my cat Whitey, I've been trying to get her to pull her own weight around the house. All she does is sleep all day. She hasn't looked for a job in months. Now, you might think I'm crazy for complaining about my unemployed cat, but if I were in Japan things would be different. Take for example, Tama the feline station master of a Japanese railway station.

What do your pets do all day? Maybe it's time these freeloaders earned their keep. In these tough economic times pet labor might just be the solution we're looking for.

- And finally, my new favorite YouTube clip, the literal version of A-Ha's "Take On Me"

Happy Halloween Boils and Ghouls!

Empty Theatre

2008-09-30T21:16:00.006-03:00

I went to the movies with my father earlier today. We went to see the Pacino/De Niro flick, Righteous Kill. We were the only two people in the theatre. While the movie has been out for a little over two weeks now and it had not performed all too well at the box office, I did not expect to see it in an almost empty theatre. I've been to some sparsely attended screenings, but none quite as bad as this.

As for the movie itself, it was nothing special. While the performances were all fine, the script was sorely lacking. I'm not usually the type who tries to figure out the big reveal well in advance of the final act, but I couldn't help but put all the pieces together before the first film reel changed over. It wasn't the biggest cinematic disappointment of 2008 (sadly, I'd give that title to Burn After Reading) but it certainly was no highlight either.

You Tell 'Em, Wolfman!

2008-08-12T11:23:00.005-03:00

Ah, summer. I'd apologize for the lack of updates and whatnot, but I'm not all that sorry. It's too nice out for me to be writing about Orson Welles and Chuck Norris. Also, it's too nice out for you to be reading this. But in the off chance that it's raining or September or something, here's yet another lame placeholder post.

- My Year of Orson Welles should return in September. I tried to slap together a post for July, but it just wasn't happening. I don't think many of you are actually reading and/or enjoying this blog project, but I'm gonna keep doing it regardless.

- I did eventually see The Dark Knight and it was good. Not quite #1 on IMDB good, but it probably was the best movie I've seen in theatres so far this year.

- This week is Chester Race Week. Some of you might remember that this means seeing old friends, drinking too much, and hobnobbing with the rich and illiterate. I'm anticipating a hangover that should last me until sometime next week.

- I went to the annual Sappy Records music festival in Sackville, NB again this year. It was a good time, despite the poor weather and proliferation of hipsters.

- Probably the most important update though, is that I became an uncle for the first time last month. My sister in Ottawa had her first child, a bouncing baby boy named William. I'm proud to be an uncle, but more so I'm proud that my sister and her husband didn't give their kid a stupid name.

And that's about it folks. See you soon, unless the sun is shining.

Boredom Bunny

2008-07-30T18:16:00.006-03:00

It's after six and I'm still at work. On a normal day I'm supposed to get off at four. I am very bored. Here's a picture of a bunny.

Dammit Boredom Bunny, you know I can't go to the movies with all this overtime going on!

Placeholder Post

2008-07-28T18:24:00.007-03:00

Wow, summer is really killing my ever-waning urge to blog. Well, like the title of this post suggests, this is mostly a placeholder so I don't post back-to-back Orson Welles stuff.

I stole the idea for this post from the Onion's AV Club, I think they got it from somewhere else, but I don't care enough to do the research. Essentially, you're just supposed to pick an album for every year you were alive. I added the criteria that it had to be an album that I actually owned and that there would be no repeat artists on the list. This was not an easy list to get through. Though I often defend music from the 1980s, I had no idea I liked so few albums from that era.

So here's my list:

1981 - "Damaged" by Black Flag
1982 - "Combat Rock" by The Clash
1983 - "Speaking in Tongues" by Talking Heads
1984 - "Remission" by Skinny Puppy
1985 - "VU" by The Velvet Underground
1986 - "So" by Peter Gabriel
1987 - "Substance" by New Order
1988 - "I'm Your Man" by Leonard Cohen
1989 - "Doolittle" by Pixies
1990 - "Fear of a Black Planet" by Public Enemy
1991 - "Ten" by Pearl Jam
1992 - "Smeared" by Sloan
1993 - "Bargainville" by Moxy Früvous
1994 - "Mellow Gold" by Beck
1995 - "I Should Coco" by Supergrass
1996 - "This Is a Long Drive for Someone with Nothing to Think About" by Modest Mouse
1997 - "OK Computer" by Radiohead
1998 - "In/Casino/Out" by At the Drive-In
1999 - "Beautiful Midnight" by Matthew Good Band
2000 - "Veni Vidi Vicious" by The Hives
2001 - "White Blood Cells" by The White Stripes
2002 - "Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots" by The Flaming Lips
2003 - "Fever to Tell" by Yeah Yeah Yeahs
2004 - "Franz Ferdinand" by Franz Ferdinand
2005 - "Illinois" by Sufjan Stevens
2006 - "Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not" by Arctic Monkeys
2007 - "Woke Myself Up" by Julie Doiron
2008 - "At Mount Zoomer" by Wolf Parade

My Year of Orson Welles - Cultural Archaeology

2008-06-28T13:51:00.031-03:00

When it comes to Orson Welles, I am an enthusiast but not an expert. I started this project as an excuse to delve into the man's life and legacy. Mostly, I wanted to see Welles' impact on film for myself. It was also my hope that I might encourage others to discover his works. Though I don't necessarily envy anyone approaching Welles' films for the first time. Despite having left behind a filmography that is celebrated by critics and historians, the preservation and availability of his works leaves much to be desired.

A significant number of Welles' films are currently unavailable on DVD in North America. This is due in part because of Welles' later European period, in which some of his films were shot sporadically when he could find willing investors. The other significant factor comes in the form of Welles' daughter Beatrice. Beatrice Welles is notoriously protective of her late father's works. So much so that she has prevented the restoration and release of a number of his films.

Also, it must be noted that with the exception of Citizen Kane, the majority of Welles' films were altered by the studios that released them. One such film is the subject of this post, 1958's Touch of Evil, starring Charlton Heston and Janet Leigh.

Touch of Evil is essentially a film noir. A sparsely lit crime film with a dubious moral code. The story goes that Welles was originally hired only to play the main antagonist in the film, the iconic Police Captain Hank Quinlan. It was reportedly Heston who urged the studio to allow Welles to direct the film as well. At this point in Welles' career, the studios were not eager to have him behind the camera. There was concern that Welles would not be able to complete the film on time and on budget.

It should therefore come as little surprise that the final cut of the film was taken away from Welles not long after he had completed principal photography. Having seen Welles' original cut, the studio (Universal International) hired another director to re-shoot and re-cut parts of the film. After seeing the studio cut of the film, Welles wrote a 58 page memo to Universal detailing how he felt the film should be edited and released. Universal did not take Welles' suggestions into consideration while editing the film. The studio cut would be the version of the film that was given a theatrical release in 1958, with a run time of approximately 98 minutes.

In the mid 1970s, Universal discovered that they had another version of the film in their vaults. This version, running approximately 108 minutes, still contained elements that had been re-shot after control of the film had been taken away from Welles. And despite being released on video as the "complete uncut version," it would be another two decades before a definitive version of the film was released.

In 1998, the film was re-edited in accordance with the 58 page memo. This version, running 111 minutes, removes all sequences that were re-shot by the studio. This restored version is the only version of the film currently available on DVD. And while it remains the closest approximation of Welles' vision for the film, it must be noted that there are no copies in existence of Welles' original cut.

The film itself is celebrated for its opening sequence, a lengthy tracking shot of a bomb in the trunk of a car as it makes its way across the US/Mexico border. Easily one of the best scenes ever crafted by Welles, it is a masterpiece of choreography and camera work.

It's also interesting to note that while the film initially focuses on Heston's character, it eventually shifts towards Welles' character. Welles' performance as the Machiavellian Hank Quinlan is quite possibly one of his best. Welles' naturalistic acting style is not unlike the method acting of Marlon Brando during his peak years. And while it is difficult to take Charlton Heston serious as a Mexican, it is refreshing to see him portray a character that is somewhat subdued. Also in the film is Marlene Dietrich as Welles' gypsy confidante and a blink-and-you'll-miss-it cameo from Zsa Zsa Gabor.

Perhaps one of the oddest aspects of the film is Welles' appearance. The character of Hank Quinlan is an obese man, having taken up junk food as a substitute for alcohol. To achieve this look, Welles' wore a substantial amount of padding and prosthetic makeup. It is somewhat ironic, considering his appearance in the film mirrors his appearance later in real life. In his later years, Welles weighed as much as 350 pounds.

The restored cut of Touch of Evil is available on DVD through Universal Studios.

[Images taken from: infolab.stanford.edu, www.filmreference.com, www.cesta.cz, tsutpen.blogspot.com, and blog.oregonlive.com]

George Carlin is Dead, Long Live George Carlin

2008-06-23T16:50:00.009-03:00

Sad new kids, George Carlin passed away yesterday. If you're reading this and you don't already know who George Carlin is, I feel bad for you. And I honestly mean that. There's not a whole lot I can say about George Carlin that hasn't been said already. The man was a genius and I'm proud to have a good number of his albums in my record collection.

I'll leave you with one of my all-time favorite Carlin quotes:

The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done."

Rest In Peace George. Thanks for trying to teach us all a little something.

Pick-a-nick Basket

2008-06-21T10:31:00.007-03:00

One of the things I like about my job is that no two days are the same. And since the landfill where I work is in the middle of nowhere, I get to see a good sampling of wildlife. Not everyone can push back from their desk, look out their window and see wild rabbits in the tall grass or eagles in the sky overhead. Being around nature usually has a calming effect on me, helping to dissolve some of the stress of the workday grind.

I say "usually" because last week I had a nature encounter that wasn't exactly calming. It was near the end of the day and I went out to my car to put my lunch box away. When I turned to go back into the scale house, out of the corner of my eye, I caught sight of a black bear. The bear (not pictured, as I had better things on my mind than amateur photography) had just come out of the woods a stone's throw away from me.

The whole encounter may have lasted thirty seconds, but everything seemed to be moving at a snail's pace. I looked at the bear and the bear looked at me. Now, I have never encountered a bear before. Nor have I ever spoken with anyone with any previous bear encounter experience. I have however, as many of you know by now, seen a lot of movies.

What I remembered at that moment was that, according to some movie I can't specifically recall, bears hate loud noises. So it was at this point that I started clapping my hands and yelling obscenities at the bear. At first, nothing happened. I had just enough time to consider that perhaps the information I had gleaned from the movie was incorrect and I was only pissing off said bear. And while statistically, the number of fatalities by black bear are quite low, its likely that few if any of these unfortunate individuals meet their demise clapping like idiots.

Thankfully, within seconds, the bear turned and ran back into the woods. And thus ended my black bear encounter. And while the bear was seen around the landfill site a number of other times that week, it has not been seen in the last several days.

So, if I'm not mistaken, the lesson here is: anyone who says that TV and movies can't teach you anything will likely be eaten by bears.

[Picture stolen from www.voyageurquest.com]

Free iPod

2008-05-31T19:27:00.006-03:00

I got a 16 gig iPod Touch yesterday for free. My father won it through a contest at the store where he works. This is my first iPod. I'd been thinking about getting one for the last year or two, but I could never justify spending the money on one. I've been messing around with mine a lot since I hooked it up and I have to say that it's a lot of fun. My only fear now is that I'll lose the darn thing and someone else will be enjoying all my Devo tracks.

My Year of Orson Welles - The Beginning

2008-05-06T18:47:00.029-03:00

Today is Orson Welles' birthday, if he were still alive today he would be 93 years old. It is in the spirit of the occasion that I announce my first blog project, My Year of Orson Welles. It is my hope that through this project I will come to a greater appreciation and understanding of the film legend that was Orson Welles. Once a month, until this time next year, I will post an entry into this project detailing some element of Welles' work and legacy. I don't intend to go about this in a chronological order, instead I will post my thoughts on the works as I encounter them.

I couldn't tell you when it was exactly that I became fascinated by Orson Welles. Though I do know that the infamy surrounding Citizen Kane and the legendary radio brodcast of The War of the Worlds was something I was aware of long before I ever encountered those works first hand. Certainly, my interest turned to a borderline obsession around four years ago when I saw Citizen Kane for the first time.

While Kane is certainly the crown jewel of Welles' filmography, I'll save that for a future entry in this project. For this entry, I'd like to talk about Welles' adaptation of Franz Kafka's The Trial.

Like Citizen Kane, this was one of the few films that Welles had complete control over. Welles' film career is repeatedly marked by studio interference and unauthorized alterations to his works. The Trial, would be one of the few occasions where Welles' was able to release a film as he intended it to be.

Filmed in 1962 in an out-of-service Parisian railway station, The Trial is a loose adaptation of Kafka's work. The most striking aspect of the film are the visuals. Welles' places Josef K (as played by a post-Psycho Anthony Perkins) in contrast with either enormous buildings and vast expanses or tight corridors and cluttered rooms. With one surreal set piece opening onto another.

The film, apparently shot haphazardly and on the cheap, is poorly dubbed. Welle's provides the voices for a number of the characters himself, some more obviously than others. Welles' himself has only a brief part in the film, playing the role of the Advocate. Shown mostly lying in an obscenely ornate bed, Welles' delivers many of his lines without any expression on his face. In his closeups, it appears as if only his mouth is moving, the rest of his facial features seemingly carved in stone.

While watching The Trial, it's hard not to put together a mental list of films that may have inspired this work and films that undoubtably took inspiration from it. One could reasonably assume that Welles' took some inspiration from early German surrealist film makers like Fritz Lang. Also, the early shots of Josef K's office are not unlike those of Jack Lemmon's office in Billy Wilder's 1960 film The Apartment.

Here is the intro to the film, narrated by Welles himself:

The Trial has fallen into public domain and is widely available on a variety of budget releases.

[Images taken from: wikipedia and www.paper-jam.co.uk/]

How Did You Spend Your Weekend?

2008-04-22T17:50:00.002-03:00

If you haven't seen this already, it's security camera footage of a guy who gets stuck in an elevator for a little over 40 hours.

I've always wondered what it would be like to be stuck in an elevator for an extended period of time. My concern is always what you'd have to do if you needed to go to the bathroom. Best I can tell, this guy just held it in for two days.

Random Memories From A TV-Addled Mind

2008-03-12T17:57:00.010-03:00

My brain is a vast repository for useless pop culture knowledge. That's meant to be more of a confession than a boast. Though many geeks like me would take pride in their expansive internal databases, I'm convinced that these memories are probably taking up valuable real estate in my brain. I can only assume that most people fill up these same portions of the brain with important stuff like math, social skills and a sense of direction.

It's hardly a curse though, it's always fun to blow someone's mind when you can help them piece together their own pop culture memories. It was recently that a friend came to me with a vague memory. It went a little something like this:

Friend: Do you remember a show that had this guy and a dog, and they showed clips of Batman or something. I think his name was Stan the Man.
Me: You mean Switchback?
Friend: Maybe.

It was indeed Switchback, a show I had not seen or thought about since it went off the air in the late eighties. Switchback was a youth oriented program on CBC. There were various versions of the program, each suited to their particular Canadian market. Stan the Man (pictured above) hosted the Halifax version with his trusty dog Rufus. My memories of the show consist of little more than glimpses of neon and puppets. I can remember, however, that the show was quite popular and it came as a shock to many when it was cancelled.

After being reminded of the show, I tried to find as much info on it as I could. Sadly, I couldn't find any video clips and only a few pictures. There are several mentions of the show on various message boards. One common theme among those who remember the show was that Stan the Man was not a particularly genial person when the cameras weren't rolling.

It was during my google quest for Switchback info that I came across the site TVArchive.ca, which must have been lovingly crafted by pop culture geeks not unlike myself. The beauty of the site though is that it focuesses on Canadian programming. Meaning that shows like Switchback, Danger Bay and the Littlest Hobo have all been given some recognition.

Here is a list of some of the countless Canadian made programs that TVArchive.ca brought back from the dark recesses of my brain:

The Anti-Gravity Room
Camp Cariboo
Deke Wilson's Mini Mysteries
The Edison Twins
Harriet's Magic Hats
Maniac Mansion
My Secret Identity
Owl/TV
Puttnam's Prairie Emporium
Size Small
Squawk Box
Street Cents
Test Pattern
Today's Special
Under The Umbrella Tree
The Vacant Lot
Wok With Yan

The downside of this memory affirming bit of nostalgia is that it has knocked loose a new variety of partial memories. Like the show where a cop's soul gets trapped in the body of his St. Bernard after a car accident and the dog ends up living with the cop's relatives who have a wacky neighbor who is a hair-obsessed TV weather man who suspects that there is something not quite right with the St. Bernard. I'm not kidding about that either, it was a cheesy sitcom wherein the dog (who could talk) would try to help out the family with their everday problems by dispensing advice and stupid pet tricks. God help me.

Chief Brody and the Maritime Winter Blues

2008-02-11T18:40:00.000-04:00

A little bit of sad news here kiddos, veteran actor Roy Scheider has passed away at the age of 75. Scheider, best known for his role as Chief Brody in Jaws, died this past sunday at a hospital in Little Rock, Arkansas. No official cause of death has been released. He will be missed.

In other news: I'm friggin' sick of winter. So sick that I've put together a haiku to express my hatred of this awful season. Enjoy.

Go to hell winter
You god damn son of a bitch
I hate shoveling

A Late List

2008-01-06T14:56:00.000-04:00

Seeing as 2008 hasn't yielded any milestones yet, here is a list of a few of my favorite movies/albums/books/websites of 2007.

Best Movies I Saw In Theatres*
3:10 To Yuma
American Gangster
Live Free or Die Hard
No Country For Old Men
The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford
The Kingdom
The Simpsons Movie

*I like to go see movies in the theatre as often as possible. Downloading movies and the quick turnaround from big screen to DVD is making the in-theatre experience almost unnecessary, which is a shame.

Great Albums I Bought*
Albert Hammond Jr. - Yours to Keep
Arcade Fire - Neon Bible
Arctic Monkeys - Favourite Worst Nightmare
Handsome Furs - Plague Park
The Hives - The Black and White Album
Julie Doiron - Woke Myself Up
Matthew Good - Hospital Music
Modest Mouse - We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank
Patton Oswalt - Werewolves and Lollipops
Radiohead - In Rainbows**
Spaceblood - Spaceblood
Sunset Rubdown - Random Spirit Lover
The White Stripes - Icky Thump

*I still buy CDs. The whole Napster revolution is several years old now. If you like an artist, I think you should support them. The downloader mindset of "sticking it to the man" and "stealing from the rich" is pretty selfish. Just because you can steal, doesn't always mean that you should.
**Yes, I sprung for the limited edition discbox set.

The Books I Read*
"Fast Food Nation" by Eric Schlosser
"I Am America (And So Can You!)" by Stephen Colbert
"Invisible Monsters" by Chuck Palahniuk
"Into The Wild" by Jon Krakauer
"The Areas of My Expertise" by John Hodgman
"The Road" by Cormac McCarthy

*I don't read a lot of new books. Nor do I read as much as I'd like. These are simply a few books that I can remember reading and enjoying over the course of last year.

Best of the Web
www.deadpit.com
An internet talk radio show devoted to horror movies. The show is hosted by two guys from Kentucky, Uncle Bill and the Creepy Kentuckian. Deadpit's combination of news, reviews, comedy and honesty make for a very entertaining show. I had all but given up on the horror genre before I found this show.

SModcast
SModcast is a weekly podcast hosted by Kevin Smith and Scott Mosier of View Askew Films. Each podcast is an extended informal conversation between the hosts and occasional guests. If you're a fan of Kevin Smith's movies (ie: Clerks, Mallrats, Dogma, etc.) then you will enjoy this podcast.

Is It A Good Idea To Microwave This?
American college students and their destructive microwave adventures.

Hopefully we can all look forward to a prosperous and enjoyable 2008.

Holy Shit, It's Christmas!

2007-12-23T19:45:00.000-04:00

This month has gone by so fast. I had meant to get in some quality blogging by now, but I just never got around to it. It's been a good month for me, with the exception of the weather. We've gotten a lot of snow here lately, which has meant poor driving conditions and lots of shovelling. I can't wait for Spring, which sucks, seeing as Winter just started.

For some reason, I've gotten a buttload of free booze this holiday season. I won a liquor basket (pictured) at my work Christmas party. It had some import tallboys, a bottle of rum, a bottle of wine, and a little bottle of champagne. I also managed to score a free case of beer from my grandfather. So far, all my holiday drinking has been done with free booze. Nothing wrong with that. Though I am currently nursing a hangover, courtesy of the aforementioned bottle of rum.

I have to take a moment to thank Shauna for the nice Christmas card she sent me. Whitey and I really appreciated the card, even though we're still cleaning up the glitter. All the best holiday wishes to you and yours.

Anyways, I've got it in my mind to do a 2007 best-of post before the end of the year, so hopefully this won't be my last post before 2008. In the meantime, dear readers, stay safe and have a happy holiday.

"I did everything by the seat of my pants."

2007-11-30T21:20:00.000-04:00

Evel Knievel died today at the age of 69. Knievel had been in the news recently after ending a feud with rapper Kanye West. Though I wasn't alive during Knievel's heyday as a motorcycle daredevil, the guy always fascinated me. I remember seeing an A&E Biography special on Knievel a number of years ago. While it detailed many of the triumphs and setbacks of his career, the part that always stuck with me was when Knievel took a baseball bat to an author who had written an unflattering book about him. Most people would have sued, Knievel put the guy in the hospital first and then threatened to sue. In the end, I'm not sure if you could accurately describe the man as having been brave or crazy, because it must have taken balls of steel and shit for brains to think jumping over a canyon in a rocket was a good idea.

Give The People What They Want

2007-11-21T19:32:00.001-04:00

Royal Flush
A quick note for my fellow poker enthusiasts. I was playing some Texas Hold 'Em this past weekend with some friends when I got a royal flush. Best of all, I was able to pull some money out of my fellow players with it. God only knows if I'll ever get another royal flush, but at least I can say that I got one.

Trailer Park Boys
Good news for Trailer Park Boys fans. It seems as though the gang from Sunnyvale finished filming a special recently and they also have plans to make another movie. This news comes from Mr. Lahey himself, John Dunsworth.

Sesame Street
Recently, the folks behind Sesame Street have been releasing a DVD series called "Sesame Street: Old School." The series features shows and clips from the early years of the program. The funny part is that each DVD comes with a warning sticker suggesting to consumers that the "Old School" DVDs are intended for mature audiences only. Reasons for this apparently include: scenes of the Cookie Monster smoking a pipe and eating cookies, as well as Oscar the Grouch being too grouchy. The New York Times has a decent article about the depravity that was Sesame Street in the 1970s and you can read it here.

Celine Dion
I'd tell you what I think about Celine Dion, but apparently you're not allowed to have any opinion about her in Nova Scotia. From the moment it was announced that Dion was scheduled to play a concert in the Halifax Commons next summer, the general sentiment was that the whole idea was a clusterfuck waiting to happen. So it was no surprise that within a few days Dion's people cancelled the show, citing the venue as being inadequte for their stage needs. With this, many Nova Scotians breathed a hearty sigh of relief. However, the other shoe dropped recently when Dion's husband/manager said in a press conference that the show was cancelled due to the negative comments from the press. Mr. Dion (who creeps the shit out of me) went on to name names. The brunt of the blame went to a columnist for the Halifax Daily News, one Mr. David Rodenhiser, and his column Like her or not, it's good news, which originally ran in the paper on November 8th. Had Mr. Dion bothered to read the piece, he would have seen that while Mr. Rodenhiser does not care for Celine's music, he saw the concert as being of benefit to the city of Halifax. It's unfortunate for Mr. Rodenhiser that he received so much criticism in the beginning for supporting the concert and now he's being scapegoated for its cancellation. Unfortunately this is becoming a trend for the city of Halifax, the populations vocally balks at the announcement of any major event and then they decry its cancellation.

Movies
As some of you might know, the Writers Guild of America (WGA) is currently on strike. This means there will be no new episodes of the Daily Show or the Colbert Report in the near future. The effects of the WGA strike also seem to be making their way into the realm of movies. This means that, should the strike continue long enough, Hollywood will run out of new movie ideas. (Yes, I realize that some people think they ran out of ideas years ago, but let's move on, shall we...)

So I am hereby throwing my hat into the ring, Hollywood. The following are some script ideas that you can buy from me should you run out of scripts. I can write the screenplay to any one of these ideas in a weekend for $100 and some Criterion Collection DVDs. Potential scripts include:

- My Boss is a Werewolf
- The Mustache that Dripped Blood
- The Killer Cubicle, the workplace that gives deadlines a whole new meaning
- Samurai Crossing Guard
- When the Chips are Down, a heart-warming tale of gambling addiction
- The Mop that Killed
- Space Cheese
- William Shatner vs Your Car (90 minutes of Shatner smashing your car with a baseball bat)
- Death Net (it turns out that the internet gives you AIDS)
- Gumby Meets Al Gore
- Night of the Lobster (kinda like Night of the Living Dead but with lobsters)
- Mad Cow Disease: The Musical
- Zombie Lawyer, a comedy
- Clamatto, a documentary (seriously, what the hell were those guys thinking?)
- The Life and Times of John Wilkes Booth, an animated feature
- Monkey vs Shark

All ideas are copyrights of Quammy Inc. The ball's in your court Hollywood.

Plate of Shrimp

2007-10-06T11:31:00.001-03:00

A lot o' people don't realize what's really going on. They view life as a bunch o' unconnected incidents 'n things. They don't realize that there's this, like, lattice o' coincidence that lays on top o' everything. Give you an example; show you what I mean: suppose you're thinkin' about a plate o' shrimp. Suddenly someone'll say, like, plate, or shrimp, or plate o' shrimp out of the blue, no explanation. No point in lookin' for one, either. It's all part of a cosmic unconsciousness.

That particular piece of pseudo-philosophy is from one of my favorite cult films, 1984's Repo Man. While I don't have much faith in the existence of a "cosmic unconsciousness," I still believe that there is some wisdom in that particular monologue.

Yesterday morning, a morning like most others, I was reading an article that was linked from IMDB's homepage. The article was little more than a best-of list concerning documentaries. At number two on the list was The Thin Blue Line, a documentary I had never heard of.

Later on in the day, I was reading an interview on the Onion's AV Club with director Tony Kaye. In the interview, which was mostly concerned with a documentary that he had recently completed, he mentioned The Thin Blue Line. Having then heard mention of an unfamiliar documentary for the second time in a few hours, I went to wikipedia to find out more.

With that curiosity settled, I thought I would read a little bit about each of the other titles on the best-of list that I wasn't already familiar with. I was almost finished reading wikipedia's entry on the Rolling Stones documentary Gimme Shelter when the very song for which the documentary was named happened to come on the radio.

Simple coincidences? Evidence of a cosmic unconsciousness? Either way, don't be surprised if someone mentions a plate of shrimp in the near future.

Ron James @ The Chester Playhouse

2007-09-30T10:35:00.000-03:00

Last night I saw the Canadian comedian Ron James at the Chester Playhouse. He was doing a benefit for the Playhouse and also working out the kinks in some new material that he'll be recording soon for a TV special. His act was pretty funny, peppered here and there with nods to the locals. But what I enjoyed most about his set were the lengthy alliterative rants that would pop up on occasion.

In case you don't know who Ron James is (perhaps you never tried to sit through and episode of Blackfly, simply because it was filmed in a town near you), the following is one of the few clips of his material that I found on Youtube. He did some of this same material in his set last night at the Playhouse.

The Indie West

2007-09-05T18:30:00.000-03:00

I just heard about this clip through the Onion's AV Club, so I thought I'd share it with all y'all. Essentially someone has taken clips from Sergio Leone's Once Upon A Time In The West and matched it to the Arcade Fire track "My Body Is A Cage." They mesh pretty well. I should mention, however, that the clip contains spoilers, so if you were planning on watching the movie (though I doubt you were) you might not want to check this out. Either way, enjoy.

Driving Music

2007-08-31T18:00:00.000-03:00

I start up my car on the way home from work today and I get probably the best set of songs that the local classic rock station has ever put back-to-back. As part of their long weekend top 104 album countdown, my homeward journey was backed by:

"Band on the Run"
"Jet"
"Let Me Roll It"
and "Helen Wheels"

Practically a Paul McCartney and Wings "best of." If only it could have been capped off with "Wonderful Christmastime." And while some of you may scoff at my delight in hearing a Wings mini-marathon, you have to realize that the station is more likely to play April Wine and Nickleback than anything else, so I'll take a small victory when I can get one.

Where The Hell Did The Summer Go?

2007-08-16T12:45:00.000-03:00

Summer is over, sort of. It's officially Race Week here in Chester and that means, come Sunday morning, summer is over. Sure, it might still be nice out and you might still have some vacation time coming to you. But around these parts, the post-Race Week blues will be setting in and no one will be too interested in whooping it up.

I've got to say though, that with minimal effort I managed to have a pretty good summer. I got to see two of my favorite bands in concert (the White Stripes and Eric's Trip), I got to visit with some family and good friends, I managed to pick up some cool records, and I saw a few good movies. So, all in all, I'm left with very little to complain about.

So, while it's still warm enough to wear shorts, I'd advise you all to crack an ice cold beer, plunk your ass down in a lawn chair, light a roman candle, and enjoy the outdoors.

Rock 'n Roll Thy Name Is The White Stripes

2007-07-14T19:00:00.000-03:00

I had the pleasure of seeing the White Stripes live in concert last night in Halifax. My damaged hearing is but one sign that it was a hell of a show. I must say that Jack White is quite the showman. And, while there was little banter between songs, he seemed to know just what to say to get the crowd going. Also, I have to give it up to the band for coming to Nova Scotia at all, since very few bands at the peek of their careers play shows anywhere east of Montreal. I picked up a few 1" pins and a sweet turntable slip mat from the merchandise table after the show. It was funny (and this makes me feel old) but I remember when I went to my first rock concert (Meatloaf, Bat Out of Hell Part II Tour) everyone held up lighters, but at the White Stripes show, everyone just held up digital cameras and cell phones. Why go to a rock concert if you're going to be looking through your camera's view finder all night? Anyways, I could go on and on about what a great show it was and how happy I am that I got to see my favorite active rock band, but I'll just leave it at that.

On This Day...

2007-07-06T19:02:00.000-03:00

1483 - Richard III is crowned King of England. Some time later, some dude writes a play about it.

1942 - Anne Frank and her family go into hiding. I have nothing funny to say about that.

1945 - Burt Ward is born. 19 years later he throws on a pair of tights and goes to live with Adam West in a cave.

1957 - John Lennon and Paul McCartney meet for the first time. I think they went on to form a band or something. Ask your parents.

1962 - William Faulkner dies. Consult your local library.

1977 - Roger Waters spits on a fan during a Pink Floyd concert. The incident inspires Waters to write The Wall.

1998 - Roy Rogers dies. Ask your grandparents.

2007 - A mediocre blogger scratches his head and wonders why he hasn't written anything in months.

I'm On It

2007-06-27T23:20:00.001-03:00

Wall Crawlers, Proto Punks, and Ominous Poker Hands

2007-05-14T16:54:00.000-03:00

- I had the opportunity to see Spider-man 3 last week, and I would say that, for the most part, I enjoyed it. It seemed to me that they tried to cram too much into the movie. The various plot lines could have easily fleshed out two separate movies. If you’ve seen the first two installments of the Spider-man franchise, you might as well go see this one. I ended up seeing a bootleg of the movie a few days after seeing it in the theater, but I would advise against downloading this one. Not for the reasons the MPAA and the various copyright holders would put forth, but simply because the bootlegs out right now don’t do this movie justice. Since Spider-man spends a good deal of time wearing a black costume in this flick, you really want to see a quality version, be that the theatrical print or the eventual DVD.

- I generally make it a rule that I don’t take my work home with me. And seeing that I work at a landfill, that hasn’t been a hard rule to follow. But last week a resident came in and I noticed he had a box of LPs on his passenger seat. He said I was welcome to have any of the records. You’d be surprised how many offer to let you have the things they are prepared to throw away, but that’s a topic for another day. So after thumbing through his various Foreigner and Journey albums, I managed to score a few choice LPs. I got Alice Cooper’s “Billion Dollar Babies,” The Cars’ “Panorama,” Elvis Costello’s “Trust,” and the piece de resistance the New York Dolls’ “Too Much Too Soon.” I never thought I’d come across a vintage Dolls LP, seeing as they probably didn’t sell many of them back in the day. But, as the old saying goes: one man’s trash...

- I played a lot of poker this past week. And while I did pretty well, I was alarmed when I got a Dead Man’s Hand. For the unfamiliar, a Dead Man’s Hand is a two pair poker hand, aces and eights. The hand is so named because it is widely reported to be the hand Wild Bill Hickok was playing before he was shot. The hand is a popular cliche in many old western films, wherein a character, usually a villain, will get a Dead Man’s Hand shortly before being killed in a violent confrontation. And though I have not been killed in a gunfight in the days since getting the ominous hand, I have been watching my back.

Chester After 24 Hours

2007-04-29T16:07:00.000-03:00

Like many great things, vacations don't last forever. Mine came to an end yesterday morning as I packed up my car and drove back to Chester.

Now, as far as cities go, I like Fredericton. It's not too big and it's not too small. And I think I managed to take advantage of just about everything the city had to offer while I was there. I saw just about everyone I was hoping to see, I bought some cool records, I visited nearly every pawn shop on the city's south side, and I even caught a rock show before I left.

I've been back home for about twenty-four hours now and I feel like crap. Not because I have to go to work tomorrow, but because I caught a cold or something towards the end of my vacation. So, as good as Fredericton and its people were to me, they still managed to give me the plague.

So that's all for now kiddies.

Fredericton After 24 Hours

2007-04-22T13:47:00.000-03:00

I got into Fredericton yesterday around three. The sun was shining and I saw plenty of hippies in the streets, so I knew I was back in a University town.

After meeting up with my gracious hosts, I went to one of my favorite spots in Fredericton, Backstreet Records. I picked up a David Byrne album, the new Spaceblood CD, and a copy of Roger Corman's The Man with X-Ray Eyes.

Later on, my hosts hosted a birthday party for one of their friends (and yes, I know, that's a lot of simultaneous hosting). In the midst of all the conversation and dollar store decorations, I was introduced to a drink called "the spirit of America." The tasty beverage involves a deceptive amount of gin, so I have to suspect that it could easily lead to one's undoing.

In order to somewhat remedy my hangover this morning, I took my hosts out for breakfast at Fred's Pancake House. Fred's is a truck stop style restaurant on the outer edge of the city. You can always count on two things at Fred's: surly waitresses and bottomless coffee. Even now, some two hours after the fact, I can still feel my breakfast working its magic on me.

So that's pretty much what I've done with the last 24 hours. I hope this week will conintue to provide good food, good friends and good times. And while I'd like to say that I'm going to post regular updates as the week unfolds, the fact remains, I am on vacation. So I'm not going to promise anything.

I'm Starting To Hate This Whole Blog Thing

2007-04-12T21:02:00.000-03:00

Whenever I boot up Internet Explorer this page comes up. So each and every time I go on the net, I'm reminded that I haven't updated my blog in forever. And frankly, I'm getting sick of it. I had a lot more enthusiasm for blogging when I started. These days, when I think of something to write about, I'm pained by the thought of putting the time into posting something I can be relatively happy with. So here's the deal cats and kittens, don't expect much. I'm abandoning a few of my favorite parts of the blog, though I doubt anyone will notice/care. I'm going to keep posting, but all future posts are likely to be half-assed.

And now for something relatively different:

- The White Stripes will be putting out a new album this summer. Icky Thump will be released on June 19th. For more information, consult any music blog.

- Kurt Vonnegut has passed away. The author died yesterday as a result of brain injuries he suffered from a recent fall. While I haven't read many of Vonnegut's works, I have to say that Slaughterhouse-Five is one of the greatest books I have ever read.

- This past weekend was April 6th, a day that has a lot of meaning for me. Not only was it a good friend's birthday (for which he had a kick ass party) but it was also a day of celebration for anyone who has ever lived in Harrington Hall. Harrington, one of the residence buildings on campus at St. Thomas University, has maintained the tradition of April 6th Day celebrations for a number of years. While the origins of the occasion are somewhat unknown, the celebration of the day remains an annual fixture on campus. Though I have not lived in Harrington since 2001, I cannot help but think back to those days every April 6th. So, in the midst of a friend's birthday celebration this past weekend, I pulled another former Harrington resident aside and toasted the house. A tradition that I expect I will observe for many years to come.

And that's about all I can think of for now.

Oh Yeah, I'm Supposed To Post Stuff

2007-03-18T15:28:00.000-03:00

Hey kids. Sorry about the massive delay since my last blog entry. I guess I don't have any real good excuse for not writing. So, I'll just get on with it then...

- I met Jonathan Torrens at work about two weeks ago. Yes, one of the former hosts of Street Cents and current stars of Trailer Park Boys. He was very polite and we had a short conversation about Street Cents.

- I'm still very hooked on Facebook. I've only been on it for a few weeks, but I'm still finding friends I haven't talked to in years. Unlike MySpace, there's something to look forward to every time I log on.

- One of my new favorite shows is a Japanese cartoon called Death Note. I haven't really been in to anime since I was in high school, but I'm definitely enjoying this show. I won't really bother explaining the concept of the show, you can find that on wikipedia. Personally, one of the things I like most about the show is how endlessly complicated it gets with every episode.

- The new Modest Mouse album comes out this Tuesday, March 20th. I'm pretty stoked to get this one, as I've been a fan of the band for a few years now. Don't just download this one kids, go to your friendly neighborhood record store (or, god forbid, the mall) and buy the CD. If you actually purchase the album they just might be able to make another one.

"Love You So Much It Makes Me Sick"

2007-02-21T18:33:00.000-04:00

Here's an unsettling fact: if Kurt Cobain were still alive today, he would have just turned forty. Even though this April will mark the thirteenth anniversay of of his death, I still find it hard to believe that so much time has passed since then. Now, I'm not one of those people who say that they were into Nirvana before they got super popular. In fact, I jumped on the Nirvana bandwagon pretty late in the game. I remember getting the Nevermind casette (remember casettes?) from Trevor Eisner sometime in '93. I listened to the band faithfully from '93 until sometime around '96. After that, it would be another four or five years until a Nirvana album would find its way into my stereo again. I have Cory Mott to thank for my revitalized interest in the band. Think back to the musical landscape of 2000-2001. Limp Bizkit and wave after wave of nu-metal clones saturated radio and music television. At the time, I was nineteen and living in residence at St. Thomas University. My roommate was the aforementioned Cory Mott, a man with an electric guitar, a copy of Bleach and the unwavering desire to party until he could party no more. The other guys living in our wing of the residence (the historic Harrington Hall) must have hated us. You could almost set your clock to our foolishness. Friday evening would only be setting in and we would crank In Utero as loud as we cared to crank it. With beers in hand, we would rock out until the proctors made us stop. The music of Nirvana was as much a part of my university experience as anything or anyone else.

So happy belated birthday to you, Kurt. And thanks for the memories.

A Few Goodies

2007-02-07T20:15:00.000-04:00

There are a few little things I thought I'd write about today. None of which really merit their own post, so bear with me.

Facebook
Apparently, Myspace is totally last week. The kids today are all over Facebook and I can kinda see why. As far as basic setups go, Facebook is kinda like Myspace except without all the ads and crap. I probably have around 500 Myspace friends and I might talk to three of them. Whereas on Facebook I might only have 20 friends, but I would actually want to keep in contact with all of them.

Internet Talk Radio
I hate real talk radio, but for some reason I've been listening to a lot of internet talk radio recently. So far my attention has been split between two programs on very opposite sides of the content spectrum. NPR, which takes a very intelligent and informative aproach to internet talk radio and DEADPIT.COM which is essentially just the rantings of two Kentucky based horror fanatics.

Ecto-1
One of my childhood obsessions is up for sale. According to various internet news sources, one of the cars used in the original Ghostbusters movie is up for sale. The price tag on this must-own vehicle is only $150,000, which is a bargain when you consider the fact that the lights and siren still work.

"No More Singing In The Woods"

2007-01-25T20:59:00.000-04:00

I picked up my first new CD of 2007 tonight, Julie Doiron's "Woke Myself Up." This is the first album of Julie's that I've ever heard, so I can't compare it to the rest of her solo material, but I have to say that it's a pretty good album in general. I was prompted to pick up this disc after I heard that Julie has her old Eric's Trip bandmates backing her up on this one. I thought they might only be on a track or two, but I was pleased to find out that they're pretty much on every track. You can definitely hear the ole Trip on some songs. So, anyone who's a fan of Eric's Trip should run out and pick up this album. It's not like a new Eric's Trip album, but it's probably as close as we'll ever get.

And for good measure, here's a video for a song off the album called "No More."

Must See TV, No Really!

2007-01-15T20:20:00.000-04:00

Not since Arrested Development have I been this excited about something on TV. Kids, I'm talking about Robot Chicken, my new favorite show. Created in part by Seth Green, Robot Chicken uses toys and the miracle of stop-motion animation to make brilliant nuggets of twisted satire. While the show hits a broad range of targets, my favorite pieces tend to be the send-ups of classic 80s cartoons and culture.

Season one is available on DVD, season two is available on the net, and season three will apparently be starting before too long. You can check out YouTube for a variety of clips and full episodes. I couldn't decide on a clip to add to this blog entry, so I went with one of the first I could find. Enjoy.

"Life Moves Pretty Fast."

2007-01-03T20:03:00.000-04:00

Well, another holiday season has come and gone. I'm sure, by now, all you loyal readers have shaken off the last remnants of your holiday hangovers and have gotten back to work/school/whatever. Since I haven't been the best blogger these last few months, I'm gonna take this opportunity to recap a few things that have happened to me over the holidays.

Christmas
Christmas started a little earlier than usual for me this year. My sister and her husband came down a week before the big day, so we exchanged a few gifts early. As for C-Day itself, I certainly can't complain about the haul this year. I got a new flat screen computer monitor (which I haven't hooked up yet), a few choice DVDs (hello, Dracula 75th Anniversay Edition), a couple of books, and lots of other odds and ends.

When I was a kid, we used to get a stocking full of little goodies to prep us for the main stuff under the tree. As time went by and Christmas became less about getting toys, the stockings got bigger and bigger. It's progressed to the point where I find myself faced with a large garbage bag sized sack of stuff. While the sack itself has trumped a plethora of other gifts, I can't complain about unwrapping a few dozen little things versus a couple of bigger items.

Boxing Week Madness
Some people wait all year long to snap up the deals during boxing week madness. Me, I just use it as an excuse to buy a whole lot more stuff than I would during a normal week. Allow me to highlight what I picked up at Wal-Mart:

2/$5

Gamera: The Ultimate Collection
For the princely sum of $2.50 plus tax I netted myself a three pack of Gamera flicks. For those of you not in the know (and I'll assume that's most of you out there), Gamera was a giant nuclear powered turtle that alternately destroyed and saved Tokyo. Much like other Japenese giant rubber suited monster movies (kaiju films to you movie nerds out there), Gamera movies are an acquired taste.

Jack Nicholson - Cult Classics
This set features three early Nicholson flicks from his pre-Easy Rider era. I bought this set primarily because it has the original Little Shop of Horrors on it. I might have paid upwards of $5 for that movie alone.

2/$20

Bullitt
No matter what anyone tells you, the best car chase ever committed to film comes from this movie. Fuck The Fast and the Furious, fuck Gone in Sixty seconds, fuck all those CGI enhanced wannabes. This movie has the grandaddy of all car chases. You shouldn't even be allowed to have an opinion on movie car chases if you haven't seen this flick.

True Romance
It's Quentin Tarantino and yet it's not Quentin Tarantino. Highlights from this movie include Christian Slater taking a prostitute to a Sonny Chiba film festival and Bronson Pinchot (aka Balki Bartokomous) getting busted with a burst bag of coke all over himself.

Some Kind of Wonderful
I haven't seen this one yet, but it has two things going for it right off the bat: it was written by John Hughes and it's got Eric Stoltz in it. Apparently, the movie is more or less a remake of Pretty in Pink but with the gender roles reversed.

Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Is there anyone out there who hasn't seen this movie yet?

THX 1138
George Lucas' pre-Star Wars sci-fi epic. I haven't seen this one yet, but seeing as it's an early 70s sci fi flick, I imagine it's long, slow, and somewhat boring. But what kind of a movie geek would I be if I didn't have this flick in my collection?

Forrest Gump
Only ten bucks for Gump? Not too shabby. For me, this movie is all about Gary Sinise as Lieutenant Dan.

The best deal of the day - $3.33

Cobra
These days, Stallone might be trying to revitalize his acting career but if you go back twenty years you can find a few movies that almost killed that career. One such movie was Cobra. The origins of this movie lie in what would become Beverly Hills Cop. You might not know it, but Stallone was the first choice for Beverly Hills Cop, but his involvement never got past the development stage. You see, Stallone had all these "great ideas" for Beverly Hills Cop. So many "great ideas" that he thought he could make a much better movie on his own. So, he wrote the screenplay for what would become Cobra. And I guess I don't have to tell you which movie ended up being more successfull.

(It wasn't Cobra.)

New Year's
The thing I probably miss the most about when I was living in New Brunswick are the good friends I made while I was there. Good folks I only get to see once or twice a year now. So, when the opportunity came up to go to a New Year's Eve party in Moncton, I did everything I could to make it happen. The party, hosted by the lovely Danielle Pellerin, boasted an ample assortment of good friends and Moncton hipsters. I believe a good time was had by all. I know, by the time my head hit the pillow at 5 am, I had had about as much of a good time as I was capable of having.

And that, my friends, was probably more than what you wanted to know about my Holidays. Until next time...

Merry Christmas, Yo

2006-12-25T17:28:00.000-04:00

"Me, I Want A Hula Hoop"

2006-12-01T16:50:00.000-04:00

It's only just the beginning of December and Christmas music is already all over the radio. Now, I don't mean to shit on all Christmas music, but I think we can all agree that 99% of the yuletide tunes out there suck big time. So in the spirit of not being a total grinch this year, I present my top five Christmas songs.

5. Brenda Lee - Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree
I love the guitar on this track. Now, you might not immediately know what song I'm talking about here, but trust me, you know this song. Just think of any Christmas-y type movie made in the last fifteen years or so. This is usually the song playing during the traditional of montage of holiday hijinks.

4. The Chipmunks - The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don't Be Late)
Sure, it's a novelty song, but just try and deny that you know every lyric by heart. I suspect that every parent has a deep seeded hatred for not just this track, but the whole Chipmunks phenomenon. Though I feel bad for kids growing up with the Chipmunks these days, because they'll never know the childish joy of listening to the old LPs. When you're a kid, the only thing that's more fun that listening to the Chipmunks is listening to them at various unintended speeds on your record player. If you play this track at 78 rpm and you're bound to give someone a seizure.

3. The Beach Boys - Little Saint Nick
I think the Beach Boys are part of my musical DNA. Both my first casette and CD were Beach Boys collections. When they come out with music in neural implant form, I'll be sure to pick up Pet Sounds before anything else. Now, I like this track for a variety of reasons (not just because I think there's a hidden satanic message in it). Back in their heyday, the Boys put out several albums a year. So you can just picture a scenario wherein Brian Wilson and the gang are sitting around some big conference table with the execs from Capital Records. "Um, Brian, we love all these surf tracks, but, uh.... Do you think you could make a Christmas album?"

2. Paul McCartney - Wonderful Christmas Time
Paul is probably my favorite living Beatle (sorry Ringo), mostly because his post-Beatles material is the only stuff I can stand. Now, I have no idea when this track came out or what was Paul's motivation for making a Christmas song with probably the single most bizarre synth riff you've ever heard, but it's still one hell of a good Christmas song. Expect to hear this on the radio and in the shopping malls aproximately 4000 times before December 25th.

1. Run DMC - Christmas In Hollis
As if there was any doubt that this track would be number one on my list. If you haven't heard this song, download it NOW. It is the only Christmas song you will need to hear this year. Just imagine a vintage mid-to-late-80s rap song complete with Christmas samples. The Reverend Run starts it all off by telling the story of how he found Santa's wallet and returned it to him, only to receive a fat wad of cash for his good natured efforts. After that DMC schools us all on what a proper Christmas in Hollis entails. Complete with a list of all the fine foods that Mom will be cooking for the big festive meal.

And since it's just not enough to tell you how great a song this is, I present the vintage video for Christmas in Hollis:

30 Shopping Days Left

2006-11-25T15:55:00.000-04:00

I can't believe it's almost Christmas. Wasn't it just Halloween or something?

I've got most of my Christmas shopping done, but I still expect another mall trip or two will be required in the near future. I'm not looking forward to fighting my way through various malls and Wal-Marts for those last minute gifts.

As much as I love seeing those clips on the news of people running over top of one another and getting in fist fights over the year's top items, I actually hate to be in midst of such situations. I guess that's schadenfreude for you.

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***

On a completely unrelated note, Guns n Roses played in Halifax last week. I didn't go for a variety of reasons. Thankfully, though, someone was good enough to post on Youtube what would have been my favorite moment from the show. For your viewing pleasure, I present Bubbles and Axl Rose singing "Liquor and Whores."

"Such Heroic Nonsense!"

2006-11-07T19:09:00.000-04:00

Apparently, Transformers: The Movie has just been given a 20th anniversary special edition DVD release. While the geek in me is giddy with anticipation, my inner-cynic can't help but see this as a cash-in opportunity/cross-promotion for the upcoming live action Transformers movie. But rest assured cats and kittens, I'll have my grubby paws on this DVD as soon as I can find it.

If you grew up in the eighties and you haven't yet seen Transformers: The Movie, shame on you. It's the kind of movie that couldn't be made today. Not just because kids these days won't watch any cartoon that isn't 110% Japanese, but simply because of the sheer number of deaths in the movie. Heck, within the first thirty minutes Optimus Prime bites the big one. Can you imagine what kids went through at the theatre during this? There they were, five or six years old, having just witnessed the dramatic demise of the guy on their pajamas.

On of my favorite things about the movie is that it featured Orson Welles as Unicron. Apparently, Orson hated the movie, but I can't really blame him. Can you imagine what it would have been like to have started your career in the greatest movie ever made and ended it playing a talking killer planet?

***BONUS***

There's plenty that could be said about what you're going to see here, but I don't want to spoil the magic.

Brown Leafed Vertigo

2006-10-31T19:31:00.000-04:00

Things I did not do this month:
1. Write Chuck Palahniuk some fan mail. (I did just get a copy of Invisible Monsters though.)
2. Watch a buttload of horror movies in celebration of Halloween. (And I seriously have buttloads of horror movies.)
3. Keep the blog up to date. (Sorry blog fans.)
4. Win ten million dollars. (Publishers Clearing House can suck my arse.)
5. Think of a clever thing for #5. (Sorry list fans.)

Things I did do this month:
1. Went to a Halloween party this past weekend. (Dressed as a hobo.)
2. Got a flat tire. (Today.)
3. Got trained to handle and dispose of Household Hazardous Waste.
4. Picked up a copy of the new Maltese Falcon Special Edition DVD.
5. Read an awesome book about B-Movie king Roger Corman called How I Made a Hundred Movies in Hollywood and Never Lost a Dime. (Recommended reading for any movie geek.)

"Send Me A Postcard."

2006-10-09T20:24:00.000-03:00

Chuck Norris movie review #5: Invasion U.S.A.

Plot: Chuck Norris is a retired CIA agent living on the bayou with his pet armadillo when a group of communists decide to invade the United States. Chuck is hesitant to get involved until the commies kill his native-american-fanboat-driving buddy. Then all hell breaks loose as our hero single handedly takes on the entire communist insurgency. Those pinko bastards had no idea what they were getting themselves into.

How you can tell this movie was made in 1985: All the C's are there: cold war politics, communism, cocaine, and Chuck Norris.

Best depiction of communists as soulless killing machines: We start with a nice establishing shot of a quiet suburb, straight out of Anytown, USA. Some neighborhood kids are playing football in the street (despite the fact that it's night), some teens are making out in a Trans Am (that dude is totally gonna score), and a nice, white, Christian, nuclear family are decorating a tree on their front lawn (well, actually Dad and the kids are decorating, Mom's in the kitchen cooking supper). Suddenly, a non-descript truck pulls up and a couple of commies with rocket launchers start blowing up houses. In the span of thirty seconds, the commies blown up five or six houses and then take off. No one in these houses had anything to do with the rest of the movie. They were simply there to appear to be wholesome and then appear to be on fire.

Quammy's favorite scene: It's Christmas time in Miami (or wherever this movie is supposed to take place) so the commies decide to start some shit in a shopping mall. Chuck Norris, hip to their plan, drives his pickup truck into the mall (literally) and starts kicking some ass. This leads to a major shoot-'em-up and then to a truck chase through the mall.

Now, ever since I was a kid and saw the Blues Brothers movie for the first time, I've always wanted to drive a vehicle inside a shopping complex. Whenever I see a show car in a mall, I dream about being the guy driving it around inside the building. If I ever direct a movie it will have a vehicle-inside-a-mall sequence.

R.I.P. Six Pack

2006-09-27T21:33:00.000-03:00

I'm not much of a drinker. That is not to suggest that I don't drink. It's just that I can't drink very much (or very well, depending on how you look at it). It was typical for me to pick up a six pack before heading out to a party. That way, I'd have enough beers to catch a buzz and appear to be social, but not enough to find myself puking behind a boat house (hello, 24th birthday).

But those days are over now. It was recently announced that the almighty NSLC is going to discontinue the sale of six packs in their stores. My local liquor store hasn't had six packs in stock since the end of August. I just assumed that they were out of stock after a vigorous race week, since Chester folk love their booze so much. But no, the six pack has been pulled from the market.

So what does this mean? Well, for most of you, nothing. You can probably hold your booze and/or you didn't buy six packs in the first place. For me, it means that I'm gonna have to pony up the other four dollars every week or so and pick up an eight pack. Which means that I will get drunker than I usually tend to, which can only spell disaster for the few people who will hang out with me on the weekends.

Rest in peace noble six pack, we hardly knew ye.

"Bill Groundhog-Day, Ghostbustin'-Ass Murray!"

2006-09-21T20:36:00.000-03:00

Today was Bill Murray's 56th birthday. I'm of the opinion that Bill Murray is one of today's greatest living actors. The movies he's done in that past few years have totally surpassed the work he did twenty years ago (most of which remain classic to this day). In honor of Mr. Murray here's a clip from Coffee and Cigarettes in which our man has some coffee with RZA & GZA. Enjoy.

If you're a fan of Bill Murray, you have to see...

[1979] Meatballs
[1980] Where the Buffalo Roam
[1980] Caddyshack
[1984] Ghost Busters
[1988] Scrooged
[1991] What About Bob?
[1993] Groundhog Day
[1994] Ed Wood
[1998] Rushmore
[2001] The Royal Tenenbaums
[2004] The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou (Possibly his greatest performance)

What She Said.

2006-09-20T20:55:00.000-03:00

Damn, Whitey, that's cold.

"We Could Live Forever Tonight."

2006-09-01T19:10:00.000-03:00

I happened to be reading Wikipedia today and there was a headline on the main page about how Edvard Munch's painting The Scream was recovered yesterday. The painting was stolen (for the third time) two years ago. And while The Scream is probably my favorite painting, I always have to laugh when I read about famous works of art that get stolen or defaced. Like when people go into museums and throw stuff at old paintings. How does a person get to the point where they say to themselves, "Alright, today I'm going to sneak some sulfuric acid into a museum and destroy some priceless art work. I don't see how I have any choice in the matter."

On a completely unrelated note, it's the 40th anniversay of the Beach Boys masterpiece Pet Sounds. Critics and music geeks always place Pet Sounds in competition with the Beatles' Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band for the title of "best album of all time." It apparently says a lot about you, depending on which side of the debate you find yourself. I, myself, am a Pet Sounds guy. As much as I like the Beatles, Sgt. Pepper's is not my favorite album of theirs. I could maybe see Revolver or Rubber Soul going head to head with Pet Sounds, but not Sgt. Pepper's. So, if you're a music buff and you haven't heard Pet Sounds yet, I urge you to seek out a copy of it. This may sound dumb, but try and get a copy that has the original mono mix of the album. Brian Wilson is deaf in one ear, so that's how it was meant to be heard.

Race Week Recap

2006-08-30T20:32:00.000-03:00

Chester is a town full of old money and older people. And since the town is right on the water, sailing is a big part of the local "cultural" identity. So in the middle of August every year, the local elite throw themselves a little party known as the Chester Race Week. During this week, which is really only four days, sailors and sailing enthusiasts from all over descend on Chester to rejoice in all things sailing related.

On the last few nights of Race Week, the Chester Yacht Club opens its doors to the general public. The small club and its smaller lawn area overflows with people from every tax bracket. Millionaires stand shoulder to shoulder with blue collar joes, all waiting in line to trade their drink tickets in for rum drinks and beer in plastic cups.

The real treat, for a jaded guy like myself, is the chance to see people that I've haven't seen for countless years. It's like a high school reunion every summer, but with enough booze to go around to make it all palatable. I bump into old friends, bullies from high school, the guy I used to play G.I. Joes with when I was seven, old teachers, former neighbors, kids I used to babysit and countless people with whom I make an effort to avoid eye contact.

Over this past winter, the Yacht Club underwent some serious renovations. This meant that the open grassy areas of yesteryear were made smaller and less grassy. Also, in a move that seemed almost baffling, it meant half as many port-a-potties as usual. On more than one occasion I found myself going directly from the bar, with a full drink in hand, to the port-a-potty line. And by the time it was my turn to urinate, I had alreay finished my drink.

While many specific memories from this year's Race Week are difficult to recollect, I do know that I had enough of a hangover after it was over to reasonably assume that I enjoyed myself.

"There Are Some Things A Man Just Can't Run Away From."

2006-08-16T20:48:00.000-03:00

For this guy, one of those things happens to be this blog. Since nothing really exciting has been going on in my life for the last week or so, I thought I'd at least tell you about some of the movies I've been watching. (But fear not, dear reader, Chester Race Week kicks into full effect this weekend, so you can expect a hangover induced post in the near future.)

First up is one of my favorite westerns, 1939's Stagecoach. This movie is chock full of awesome characters, from the drunken doctor to the gentleman gambler and even a hooker with a heart of gold. Film geeks like myself will tell you that not only was Stagecoach the first western to be filmed in Monument Valley, but it was also the movie that made John Wayne a star. Also, rumor has it that Orson Welles was somewhat obsessed with this movie. He apparently privately screened it some forty times while he was making his masterpiece, Citizen Kane.

Nextly, a pair of 80s classics, Revenge of the Nerds and Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise. I recently managed to scare up a copy of the out of print Nerds/Nerds II DVD from Ebay, so I was pumped to watch these flicks again. Sure, I have them on VHS, but how long will those puppies hold out for? Anyways, what I can tell you is that these movies still hold up pretty well, despite their age and identification with all things 80s. The first Nerds movie was a bit more slapsticky than I remembered and when you see them both back-to-back you can't help but notice how the two movies are pretty much identical. Not that solving your problems with a creative song and dance routine ever gets old though. These flicks are required viewing for any fan of 80s movies.

Return of the Living Dead has to be one of my favorite movies for a variety of reasons: it has zombies, it has a punk rock soundtrack, it's totally 80s, and it has zombies. I guess it was originally meant to be a continuation of George Romero's Living Dead series, but ask any horror movie purist and they'll tell you Return isn't even in the same league as Romero's flicks. A lot of them won't even recognize this as a zombie flick because it has probably the first appearance of fast zombies, as opposed to the classic lumbering slow zombies. But, all horror movie politics aside, this flick is pretty good. I even got my hands on the elusive workprint version of the movie, a rough cut featuring some twenty extra minutes of alternate scenes and dialogue. If you like zombies, you have to see this one at least once. Return of the Living Dead is b movie schlock gold.

And finally, a movie I haven't seen in a long time that I'm looking forward to seeing when it finally comes to DVD next week, The Wizard. Anyone who remembers the hoopla surrounding the release of Super Mario Bros. 3 back in the late 80s must have at least some recollection of the marketing tie-in that was The Wizard. While it is little more than a ninety minute commercial for vintage Nintendo games and products ("I love the Power Glove. It's so bad.") I'm still stoked to see it again after all these years. Maybe I just long for the days when seeing someone else play Double Dragon seemed so awesome. I don't know why it has taken them this long to put The Wizard out on DVD, fans have been crying for a release and snapping up bootlegs for years now. The Wizard even made a recent list of the top twenty-five most wanted DVDs. The Wizard finally makes it to DVD on August 22nd (you can read a review of the DVD here), so be prepared to push a few fanboys out of the way if you want to get a copy of when it finally hits the shelves.

The Sultry Sounds Of Sackville

2006-08-11T19:55:00.000-03:00

Well, now that my hearing is about back to normal (or about as good as it will ever be) I might as well tell you about my trip to Sackville, NB, last weekend.

You see, Bagtown (as it is apparently referred to by the locals) was playing host to the Sappy Records Music Festival, a three day celebration of New Brunswick indie rock. Also, it just so happened that the last day of the festival would feature a performance by one of my all-time favorite bands, Eric's Trip.

I began the journey to Sackville early and slightly hungover. But after three and a half hours over torn up roads, I reached my destination. My first obstacle was to find my hotel, sorry, my motel. I had some printouts with me from Yahoo maps, but as my friend Danielle suggested, "Yahoo maps is full of lies." Thankfully, Sackville isn't very big, so it didn't take me too long to reach the motel.

My next obstacle was the motel itself. I had reserved a room at the Tantramar Motel. Now, while it is possible that at one point (say the late 80s) the Tantramar Motel might have been a thriving location, it seems to have descended into a poorly run Mom 'n Pop type establishment. I don't mean to give the impression that it was a bad or dirty place, it just seemed very slack. My key wouldn't work, so I was instructed to jiggle the doorknob until it sorted itself out. It was lame, but I wasn't going to let a shitty doorknob ruin my weekend.

Eventually, I met up with a bunch of my New Brunswick friends. It was a mini Flophouse reunion. (The Flophouse being the nickname of a house many of us shared near the STU campus in Fredericton.) We headed down to what was advertised as a record fair. Now, as a record collector, when I hear the words, "record fair," I expect to find lots of reords for sale. Unfortunately, this wasn't really the case. There were a few tables set up with records, most of which had been released by Sappy Records themselves. I did manage to pick up an Eric's Trip LP and few cool 7"s, but I was hoping to drop some serious cash on vinyl.

While at the record fair, I also managed to score an Eric's Trip t-shirt, but it took a little doing on my part. You see, as a fat guy, I don't tend to fit into the hipster sizes you normally find at merch tables. So, I made some inquiries into larger sizes. Lucky for me, the guy who made the shirts happened to be there and he was kind enough to silkscreen a fresh shirt for me. He also hooked a friend of mine up with a ticket for that nights sold-out show. He totally did us a solid. And if I could remember his name, I would totally plug his print shop.

Sometime later, my friends and I made it down to the show, you know, the thing we came to Sackville for. It was being held at George's Fabulous Roadhouse. I'm not saying that it was fabulous, that's just what the place is called. The bar was small and hipsters tend to be tall, so while I didn't actually see many of the bands, I was able to hear them loud and clear.

One band, the Singing Saws, set up a large tent in the middle of the bar. They had people standing inside the tent spinning it around and shining funky lights while the band played. I didn't care much for their music, but I was impressed by the whole tent and lightshow shtick.

The band I was most surprised by was Purple Knight. Lead by Mark Gaudet, the drummer from Eric's Trip, Purple Knight put on one hell of a show. While I know little of the band's history, they are celebrated icons of the Moncton music scene. I was right up front for their set. I also happened to be very close to the speakers, so I was pretty much deaf by the time they were done.

The last band (and the best band) of the evening had to be Eric's Trip. I would have driven to Sackville just to see them, even if no one else was playing. Despite having broken up several years ago, Eric's Trip manages to put on a handful of reunion shows now and again. And I was lucky enough to be at one of those shows this time around. They were amazing. They played virtually every song of theirs that I wanted to hear. Everyone was super psyched to see them play. And while I'll admit that the band was a little rusty (maybe because they hadn't played together in more than five years) they still managed to rock my socks off.

Following the show, my newly hearing-impaired friends and I found our way back to the motel and called it a night. A few hours of sleep and a big, greasy breakfast later, I was back on the road.

And that, my friends, was my exciting trip to Sackville.

"Should I Stay Or Should I Go?"

2006-07-28T19:35:00.000-03:00

No, this isn't a post about the Clash, it's actually a post about the Rolling Stones. You see, the Stones are going to be playing a show in Halifax in September and I can't decide if I should go or not. Tickets go on sale on Monday, so time for debating the issue is very limited.

What bugs me most (even more than the $99 ticket price) is the fact that they haven't announced who'll be opening for the Stones. I look at it this way, if the opening act is good it's like a bonus for the money you spent to see the main act. But, if the opening band sucks, you feel like an idiot because part of your admission went to a bunch of douchebags. Knowing my luck, if I decide not to go, it'll be announced that the Who are playing a secret opening slot. And if I do decide to go, the opening act will turn out to be someone like Journey and I will have to kill myself.

What's a guy supposed to do?

A Few Things I Miss From The 90s

2006-07-26T21:01:00.000-03:00

- Mixtapes
- Crystal Clear Pepsi
- Nirvana
- Jean Chrétien choking out protesters
- Duckman
- A time when almost no one had cell phones
- Eric's Trip
- The novelty of laser pointers
- Kids in the Hall
- Laughing at people who thought yo-yos were cool
- Pogs
- When Much Music (or MTV) played music videos
- Mr. Show
AND...
- The distant hope that the Star Wars prequels would be awesome

What do you miss?

"Do You Guys Have A Problem With Being Quiet?"

2006-07-17T20:55:00.000-03:00

Duck I went camping with some friends over the weekend. We went to Kejimkujik National Park, a beautiful spot about an hour and a half away from where I live. I'd been to Keji maybe twice before, but I never remembered the place being quite as busy or as modern as it was this time around. For starters, the camp grounds are littered with public bathrooms with indoor plumbing, soap dispensers and electric hand dryers (the kind that sense when your hands are under them). Since when did camping involve freely dispensed soap?

Also, as I mentioned, the place was rather busy. My friends and I, a motley crew of twenty-somethings, had three adjoining sites in the midst of what seemed to be the section of sites reserved for families. The major problem with that is that families tend to enjoy starting their day bright and early, while twenty-somethings often enjoy sleeping off their hangovers until well into the morning.

And if you were wondering about the above quote, it came from one of the park's rangers as he escorted us back to our respective sites for being too loud and rambunctious (ie: drunk) on one of the beaches well past quiet time. Personally, I think the whole quiet time thing is ridiculous. Who the hell wants to go to bed at 11 when you're camping anyway?

Duck Did you know that one of the alternate titles to the original Transformers cartoon show was Super God Robot Force? I'm seriously not kidding.

Duck Spaceblood, the rockingest band currently residing in Fredericton, NB recently had one of their songs chosen as "Song of the week" by Exclaim magazine. You can check that track out by going here.

Goose Mr. T is giving up his trademark gold chains. After witnessing the devastation in New Orleans first-hand, Mr. T decided that it was no longer appropriate to adorn himself with piles of gold. This thoughtful gesture is only further proof that Mr. T is one of our greatest living heroes.

Noise From The Great White North

2006-06-30T20:58:00.000-03:00

Seeing as tomorrow is Canada Day, I thought I'd put together a little list of some of my favorite albums of yesteryear made by Canadian artists. Since all best-of lists are biased on behalf of the list maker, I will fully admit that this list is biased in accordance to my tastes as they were over the last dozen or so years. Nothing on this list was released after 1999, so there is a complete absence of any newer hype-worthy Canadian bands (ie: The Arcade Fire, Death From Above 1979, Wolf Parade, Sunset Rubdown, etc.). In the end, this isn't so much a best-of list as a retrospective of five good Canadian-made albums that really don't get any play these days.

Moxy Früvous Bargainville (1994)
In the early 90s, every busker in Ontario must have been dreaming of making it big. Thanks to the grass roots success of Barenaked Ladies, Moxy Früvous went from the street corner to centre stage with their debut album Bargainville. When it first came out, I loved it for its comedic elements, songs like King of Spain, Spiderman and My Baby Loves a Bunch of Authors. But, seeing as I'm a such a big fan of the Beach Boys (Pet Sounds > Sgt. Pepper's), I can't help but love the harmonies on this album. What makes this album still enjoyable today is that a lot of the leftist political messages still ring true. The environment is still in danger, blue collar work is still rough and there is still war in the middle east. Songs like Stuck in the 90s, with the line "buy a new gameboy for the fun and the fashion," are even more appropriate today than they were twelve years ago.
Download: River Valley, Stuck in the 90s, The Drinking Song, Gulf War Song

Burnt Black Nervous Wreck (1996)
The girl I went to my high school prom with introduced me to this great Halifax-via-Yarmouth band. They had a heavy sound with some alternately haunting and screamy vocals. It was no surprise to me that the lead singer would go on to work with bands like Wintersleep and Kary, as well as have a half dozen other bands of his own (ie: The Trephines, The Remains of Brian Borcherdt and Holy Fuck). I remember trying to get my hands on a copy of this album for years. I even wrote the band, only to be surprised some weeks later with a long, hand-written letter and some stickers. I would eventually come to acquire this CD from a pawn shop in Fredericton, NB. While it remains criminally out of print, this album is a cornerstone of what would become the Halifax sound of later years.
Download (if you can): Purpose Served, Leaving You, Coming of Estrus

B.T.K. Birth Through Knowledge (1998)
While this album of white-boy rap stylings isn't quite on par with the other albums on this list, it should be noted that it is still a good album. BTK came and went from the Canadian music scene faster than......well, it was just fast. Ask anyone today about BTK and they will immediately think your talking about an American serial killer. Nobody remembers the great video for Peppyrock featuring all those puppets and Sesame Street parodies. But that's the way it goes. You have one moderately successful track with a clever video to back it up and then you're forgotten before the year is over.
Download: Peppyrock, Superchile

Gob How Far Shallow Takes You (1999)
This was the last good Gob album. After this, Gob traded skate punk for the oh-so-lucrative pop punk sound, with albums like The World According to Gob and Foot in Mouth Disease. I almost got to see Gob once in concert when I was in University, but it ended up that I had to go the opera instead (seriously). This album can almost be considered the last album to be spawned from the punk revival of the mid-90s (read: Green Day, The Offspring). After this, popular punk became pop punk (read: Sum 41, Good Charlotte, Simple Plan). Thankfully, this last blast of credibility from Gob still sounds good today.
Download: On These Days..., Beauville, What To Do

Eric's Trip Forever Again (1995)
I only started listening to Eric's Trip a few years ago, but I have since become obsessed with the band. I have shelled out some serious cash for their vinyl singles and I'm planning on making the pilgrimmage to Sackville, NB in August for their reunion show. This album is probably my favorite of all the band's records. From start to finish, it's an indie rock extravaganza. Rick White was a genius when it came to making lo-fi recordings. The album sounds as if it were lovingly cobbled from various archival recordings that could have been easily lost to the ages. It's really a shame that Eric's Trip isn't more well known. Despite having been the first Canadian band signed to Sub Pop (a tradition continued even today by bands like Wolf Parade), many of their albums are either out of print or are simply overlooked by record stores. Do yourself a favor and seek out a copy of this album.
Download: New Love, Girlfriend, Always There, View Master

So, kids, that's it for your history lesson. I have a big day of drinking and fireworks ahead of me tomorrow, so this will have to tide you over for a while.

"I Am Looking For A Dare To Be Great Situation."

2006-06-28T21:32:00.000-03:00

I know I promised something Moxy Fruvous related in my last post, but two things prevented me from doing so: John Cusack and a turtle. I'll get Cusack out of the way first and then I'll tell you about the turtle.

Today is (or was, depending on when you're reading this) John Cusack's 40th birthday. I happen to be quite the Cusack booster. In fact, my appreciation for the works of John Cusack once bordered on obsession, but I'm better now, he doesn't need any more stalkers. So, I was all set to sit down and write a post about the various Cusack flicks you should run out and watch (like Better Off Dead..., One Crazy Summer, Say Anything..., Grosse Pointe Blank, and High Fidelity to name but a few) when I heard my Dad yell out, "you wanna see a turtle?"

As it turned out, this turtle had somehow found its way to the parking lot of what was once the gas station across the street from where I live. I approached the turtle cautiously, took several pictures and made at least one Crocodile Hunter joke. I wasn't really sure what to do with said turtle. Should I let nature take its course or should I intervene? Such a philosophical quandry for someone in a gas station parking lot. In the end, it was decided that this was no place for a turtle. So with the help of my friend Adam and some neighbors, we took the turtle down the road to Stanford Lake and set it free. The turtle must have appreciated the change of scenery because it immediately shuffled its way into the lake and swam away.

So, barring any more celebrity birthdays or errant wildlife, my next post will be about Moxy Fruvous in some way, shape or form.

I Am A Bad Blogger

2006-06-20T18:57:00.000-03:00

I used to criticize bloggers who would go weeks between posts, but that was when I was unemployed and had 8+ hours to spend online in the run of a day. These days, I'm gainfully employed and my internet time has to be carefully rationed between checking my favorite mp3 blogs and scouring eBay for choice finds. But fear not blog-fans, I promise to pay more attention to my blog. So, look out for more B movie reviews and Sunday morning hangover reports.

If you've read this far, you may be asking yourself what I'm doing for work these days. The new job I alluded to earlier is that of a scalehouse operator at the local sanitary landfill. What does that mean, you might be asking yourself. To which I might suggest that you are one nosy bastard, but I'll tell you anyway. It means that I monitor the weights and loads of vehicles entering and exiting what is commonly referred to in rural communities as "the dump." Though glamorous it is not, as a new employee of the local government, I earn a good wage and will be privy to various benefits in the new future.

Also, my new job has provided me with the means to get a car. Every morning I cruise to work in style in my new (to me) 2003 Pontiac Sunfire. Boy, oh boy. It's a good car and it's in great shape. Though I still managed to get a flat tire the other day, which totally sucked ass. This is actually my first car, I had never really wanted to own a car before, but since my new job is 20+ minutes away from where I live, I had little choice in the matter. I know and care very little about cars, so don't expect me to be one of those guys who spends all his time "tricking out" his "ride" with fancy rims and a stereo worth more than the vehicle itself.

And finally to whet the appetite of anyone still reading this blog of mine, I'm brainstorming a special blog entry in honor of the upcoming Canada Day holiday. I'm not gonna give too much away, but I will say that it may or may not involve Moxy Fruvous.

"The Next Time I Have To Come In Here I'm Crackin' Skulls."

2006-05-29T10:52:00.000-03:00

Sad news blog fans, beloved character actor Paul Gleason died over the weekend. Though best known for his role as Principal Richard Vernon in the John Hughes classic, The Breakfast Club, Gleason had roles in almost 100 different movies as well as appearances in numerous TV shows. He will be missed.

Select Filmography:

[1983] Trading Places
[1985] The Breakfast Club
[1985] Ewoks: The Battle for Endor
[1987] Morgan Stewart's Coming Home
[1988] Die Hard
[1993] National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1
[1994] Revenge of the Nerds IV: Nerds in Love
[2001] Not Another Teen Movie
[2002] Van Wilder

It's My Blog-O-Versary

2006-05-25T20:05:00.000-03:00

Yeah, sorry about that title. But today marks one year of blogging for the old Quamster. And what a year it's been... Anyways, I have some good news. I got a job. It's by no means a glamorous job, but seeing as I've been unemplyed for some nine or ten months, I'm not one to make waves at this point. Also, I just read about the Sappy Records music festival going on in August in Sackville, NB. There's gonna be lots of good music, including a reunion performance from one of my favorite bands, Eric's Trip! So, I'm gonna do whatever I can to get out to Sackville this August to check out that festival. And finally, a quick thank you to anyone who has been reading my blog. I don't know who you are, but you make it all worthwhile.

"How About A Nice Game Of Chess?"

2006-05-23T18:14:00.000-03:00

There's a lot of things I miss about the '80s: the cold war, working Pac Man arcade machines, Ally Sheedy, and the almost complete absence of cellphones (to name a few). It was while watching WarGames that all these fond memories came flooding back to me. For those who don't remember, WarGames was a precautionary cold war tale in which Matthew Broderick comes within seconds of causing World War III. Using technology that predated the Nintendo, Broderick manages to hack into NORAD computers and set in motion the mutually assured destruction of both Russia and the United States.

WarGames is a prime example of what makes watching '80s movies so enjoyable today. It's like watching a time capsule full of antiquated technology, products, popular culture and politics. In one brief scene Broderick and Sheedy are sitting in front of Broderick's computer (a beastly machine that uses 8" floppy discs) drinking cans of Tab and playing a computer game with graphics just slightly ahead of Pong. Broderick even uses one of those modems that you have sit the phone's receiver on.

The movie is also full of notable '80s character actors like Barry Corbin, Eddie Deezen, Maury Chaykin and Alan Blumenfeld. There is even a scene at the beginning of the movie with a young Michael Madsen, a full nine years before he cut the ear off a cop in Reservoir Dogs.

Bonus Section

I had been thinking a lot lately about the song "Any Sense of Time" by the old school Halifax band The Inbreds, so I was quite blown away when I heard it on the season finale of Trailer Park Boys. So, for your enjoyment, I present:

[MP3] The Inbreds - Any Sense of Time

(FYI: I'm stealing this download link, so I don't know how long it will be good for.)

They Don't Make Bootlegs Like They Used To

2006-05-17T21:41:00.000-03:00

In an effort to free up some space on my computer, I've been trying to get rid of as many old files as I can. It was it this spirit of PC cleanliness that I stumbled across a copy of Within The Woods, the "prequel" to the Evil Dead trilogy. It's likely that I downloaded the file some three or four years ago but never got around to watching it. I know I've made numerous attempts to watch it before, but the incredibly poor video quality has always kept me from going the distance.

Within the Woods is more or less a condensed version of Evil Dead. At just over 30 minutes, it touches on a few plot points that would eventually surface in the later Evil Dead movies along with a few 70s horror movie cliches. A group of young people get together at a creepy cabin in the woods. Said cabin happens to have been built over an old Indian burial ground (a fact that they are well aware of). In the process of digging a fire pit for a weenie roast, a grave is disturbed, all hell breaks loose, and the remaining twenty minutes are full of screaming and gore.

Now, the version that I downloaded was very dark and blurry, so I had to assume I knew what was happening from time to time. It's possible that there are some decent quality copies of Within the Woods out there, but I can't see myself making too much of an effort to track one down. Some fans on IMDB claim that they're willing to pay up to $50 for a copy, but my guess is that they haven't seen it yet. "Lost" classics are always worth more before you find out why they may have been lost in the first place.

If you like to know more, consult your local library, or read this article.

"Happy Life Day."

2006-05-10T18:23:00.000-03:00

I have seen something that no sane human being should have to ever see, The Star Wars Holiday Special. Shown on TV once in 1978, the special was supposed to reward eager Star Wars fans as they waited for Empire Strikes Back to be completed. The result was a televised atrocity of unimaginable proportions. If you never see the Holiday Special, consider yourself lucky. Long considered a rare lost gem among Star Wars fans, the special does more to harm the legacy of Star Wars than to help it.

The Holiday Special centers around Chewbacca's family as they await his return to the Wookie home world for "Life Day." Not an entirely bad premise, until you remember that Wookie's don't talk like you and I. So, what you end up with is an hour and a half of Wookies growling at each other like tortured llamas at a zoo. Worse yet is the fact that one of the Wookies, Itchy (Chewbacca's father), looks like roadkill.

You might be asking yourself, "how could it get any worse?" Two words: Jefferson Starship. That's right, Jefferson freakin' Starship. Nobody likes Jefferson Starship, not now, not ever. If you say you like Jefferson Starship, you're a filthy liar.

I guess, in an effort to pad out a story that would have been better done with mimes, the producers of the Holiday Special decided they needed some variety acts. Throughout the Special there are songs by Jefferson Starship, Diahann Carroll, and Bea Arthur (a freakin' Golden Girl for God's sake). There's also some juggler/tumbler types that make Cirque du Soleil look like God's gift to the masses.

Also, periodically throughout the Special, the Wookies would check in with various members of the cast of the original Star Wars movie. We get to see Harrison Ford hugging Wookies (he literally hugs every Wookie three times each). We also get a look at a coked-out Carrie Fisher, who sings a song so bad it would make a deaf person cringe. But most famously, we get to see Mark Hamill fresh from his disfiguring car accident. They put so much makeup on Mark Hamill to hide his scars, he is almost unrecognizable.

Now, it must be said that there is one (and only one) redeemable aspect of the Star Wars Holiday Special and that is the fact that it introduced Boba Fett into the Star Wars universe. At one point during the Special, there is a brief cartoon interlude where we see the first encounter between Boba Fett and our other favorite Star Wars characters. The animation is pretty weak, much like the early Droids cartoon series itself, but the fact that we got to see some kickass bounty hunter action in the middle of a major crapfest makes up for the sloppy work of those Korean animation house slave laborers.

So, if nothing else, you now know that the elusive Star Wars Holiday Special was a television event that far surpassed the suck factor of Fonzie jumping the shark and the last episode of Seinfeld combined. I can't stress this enough, the Special is so bad, it cannot even be enjoyed on an ironic level. For your own mental health and personal well being, never EVER watch the Star Wars Holiday Special.

IN OTHER STAR WARS NEWS...

They're finally going to release the original theatrical versions of the classic trilogy on DVD. This means no more CGI X-Wings, no new musical numbers, Boba Fett's original voice and Han shoots first. This is a great time to be fan of the classic trilogy who was pissed off by all the changes Lucas made in his "Special Editions." The DVDs won't be out until September and they will apparently only be available until Dec. 31st 2006.

And finally, George Lucas has been immortalized in action figure form. A younger, bearded Lucas has been made into a Stormtrooper, proving once and for all which side of the Force Lucas is really on.

Vacations, Discounts, Magnetic Tape & My Newfound Boredom With Myspace

2006-04-25T22:11:00.000-03:00

Duck I have to apologize for the lack of new posts here on the blog, but I'm in a bit of a slump right now. I'm basically forcing myself to post this just so I can say that I at least posted something new.

Duck I went to Fredericton about two weeks ago to visit some old friends. It was a good opportunity to catch up with people and visit all my old haunts. I got to go to my favorite pawn shop, Digital World. The good folks there were happy to see me and they even gave me my old 20% discount.

Duck I've been buying a lot of VHS lately. While I was in Fredericton, I went to the local Jumbo Video. They were selling off a considerable portion of their old VHS stock to make room for their DVDs. I was able to pick up a few sweet titles, most of which have yet to see the light of day on DVD. It kind of pisses me off that video stores are getting rid of their old VHS selections because I'm such a big fan of old movies, but at the same time it usually means that I can get my hands on the old titles as they're being purged from the shelves.

Duck If you haven't already noticed, I've become a bit smitten with You Tube. As much as I love it though, I have to admit that the site is far from perfect. I can't tell you how many times I've clicked on a link to what I thought was going to be something cool, only to find out that it's been removed due to copyright infringement. What is odd though, is that most of the time I'm on You Tube I'm watching commercials. Not ads forced on me by the site, but actual commercials like Devo's Honda Scooter commercial, Jack White's Coca-Cola ad and Wes Anderson's awesome American Express ad.

Goose I'm officially bored of Myspace. I still use it to keep in touch with friends (at least the ones I've actually had face to face conversations with) but I no longer want to spend more than five minutes on it. It's become just another inbox for me. I check it everyday to see if anyone's written me or if I have have any new friends and then I get bored. I blame the kids of today, what with their stupid haircuts and their lousy emo music.

"So, Religion's For Fools, Eh?... Fools And Liberals!"

2006-04-07T15:44:00.000-03:00

I just finished watching the Clone High DVD box set and I was reminded of just how great this show was. So I thought I'd write about it. So, here we are. If you didn't happen to catch Clone High during its brief run back in 2002, you really missed out. Allow me to offer a brief explanation for the uninitiated: The show centered around a high school populated by teenaged clones of historical and cultural figures. Imagine a show where a teenage Abe Lincoln (who's best friends are Joan of Arc and Ghandi) is in love with Cleopatra who is dating JFK, and they all go to high school together under the watchful gaze of their principal and his robot butler. Sounds confusing? It really wasn't. The show even had some great celebrity guest stars like Marilyn Manson, Tom Green and John Stamos.

Originally aired on MTV in the US and on Teletoon in Canada, the show was a send-up of teen dramas. Which is surprising when you consider just how much MTV tends to pander to teens rather than to point out their foibles and imperfections. MTV cancelled Clone High in the US without airing all the episodes due to protests over the show's portrayal of Ghandi. So, like a number of other great cartoons that came out around the same time (ie: Mission Hill, The Oblongs and Undergrads), Clone High came to an end long before its popularity began to fade. The DVD set was released here in Canada last year, though it remains unreleased in the US.

I'm Already Waiting In Line For My Tickets

2006-04-03T15:09:00.000-03:00

Damn you Korean animation-house slave labourers, draw faster!

"You're The Posse Of The Future."

2006-03-26T13:00:00.000-04:00

Wow. What a powerful anti-piracy message. I can't believe piracy didn't stop dead in its tracks after this video came out. I mean, I never knew just how many nerds I was hurting. I'm gonna delete all my mp3s and video files and you should too.

Why Don't They Make Novelty St. Patty's Day Hats For People With Big Heads?

2006-03-18T23:14:00.000-04:00

All my life, I've been cursed with a slightly larger than average head. This has drastically affected my ability to wear hats. Now, while my head isn't freakishly big (like, say, that of Sloth from The Goonies) it's just big enough that I can't wear any of those "one-size-fits-all" hats that you average headed people can wear. So really, it's no big deal, except when it comes to St. Patrick's Day. I love those green plastic St. Patrick's Day novelty hats, but alas, I can't wear them. They're just a wee bit too small for my head. So imagine my shame as the hats were being passed around the Black Pearl and I had to gingerly rest mine on the back of my head. Sullen in the fact that it was not a proper fit. Oh, cruel fate, why do you mock me?

Today is/was the day after St. Patrick's Day, which means that I'm a bit hung over. Being half-Irish (I wore green, did you?) I was obligated to have a few drinks last night. I stayed away from green beer though. You can dress up a glass of draught any way you like, but it's still cheap swill. And while my friends and I managed to bring our A game to the celebration, I couldn't help but be surprised by the lack of St. Patty's Day drunken shenanigans in my community. My town is notorious for its alcoholism and yet it was unsettlingly sober and quiet on the most Irish of holidays.

I haven't much else to say. This post was mostly intended as a cop out from doing a recap on the last week or so and as a peace offering to those who are concerned that my blog is turning into a DVD review column (this means you, Fairbanks). So, until I watch something Chuck Norris related, this will have to hold you all over. I'll throw in a few video links, because if CNN is any indication (and when have they been wrong?), everyone loves internet videos.

Most Honorable Video Links

First off, a compilation of the "famous" Trunk Monkey ads. When news shows do reports on internet videos (aka viral videos) the Trunk Monkey ads always seem to get mentioned. I guess demographics don't lie, people like monkeys.

Next up we have Volkswagen's Unpimp My Ride ads. A great series of ads featuring Peter Stormare, everyone's favorite nihilist from The Big Lebowski. Check out the three ads here, here and here.

Someone once asked, "what the hell is wrong with German people?" And while I don't know the answer to that question, I present you with a clip of Germany's least patient citizen. I can only hope that this kid never gets the opportunity to sire offspring.

And finally, a classic Super Mario Bros head to head competition. Two guys square off in front of a crowd to see who can beat the beloved Nintendo game in the least amount of time.

"Get Me A Beer, Kid."

2006-03-08T14:58:00.000-04:00

'I have a pretty strict criteria for seeing movies, they must star Chuck Norris.' - Stephen Colbert March 6th, 2006

I couldn't agree with you more Mr. Colbert.

So, it was in this spirit that I watched the Chuck Norris classic Lone Wolf McQuade the other night. A movie that would foreshadow Norris' own career and show us all that no other man could quite portray a Texas Ranger like our man Chuck.

1983 finds our bearded hero playing the role of J.J. McQuade, a man who keeps a pet wolf at home and wouldn't drink an imported beer if you paid him. A Texas Ranger who plays by his own rules but always gets the job done. But in spite of his solid record of kicking ass and taking names, McQuade's superiors don't care for his "lone wolf" style of Texas justice. Enter Kayo, McQuade's new hispanic junior partner. Together, the two begin to investigate a series of illegal arms deals. This leads the duo to encounter Rawley Wilkes (played by David Carradine of Kung Fu and Death Race 2000 fame) and Lola, his lady love.

In no time at all Norris steals Carradine's woman. All it took was a display of his ass kicking abilities (and really what woman could resist that?). So, in retaliation, Carradine sends Norris' daughter to the hospital (the oddly named Eastwood hospital, for those with keen movie watching skills). After that, it's all out war. First, Norris shakes down Carradine's business partner, who (I shit you not) is a midget in a wheelchair. Then, Norris, his hispanic partner and the only fed who isn't a candyass go on an all-out raid on Carradine's secret compound.

That pretty much sums up the plot, but no one really watches a Chuck Norris movie for the plot. Norris fans will wanna seek this movie out for the great fight sequence between Norris and Carradine. Also, in my favorite scene, Norris gets buried by bulldozers indside his nitro boosted Ram Charger. So, instead of slowly suffocating, he turns on the nitro, guns the engine and literally drives out of the ground. A feat that only Chuck Norris could accomplish. Also worth noting is that the music in this movie is all over the map, at times it sounds like an Ennio Morricone spaghetti western score, while at other times it sounds like music from The A-Team.

So, if you can find yourself a copy of Lone Wolf McQuade, check it out. You'll be glad you did.

The Best Song I Heard This Week

2006-02-22T18:09:00.000-04:00

I heard one of the greatest songs ever the other day. It's Franz Ferdinand doing a cover of the Gwen Stefani track "What You Waiting For?" It starts off in the traditional Franz Ferdinand post-punk fashion as they plod through Stefani's lame lyrics. But the best part, which elevates the track from a quirky cover to a brilliant send-up, is during the build up when the forgettable pop tripe suddenly becomes Billy Idol's "White Wedding." Genius. You can download the song here (scroll down, way down). I highly recommend it.

I guess the only other thing worth mentioning is that the good folks at Exclaim! published some comments I sent in regarding Wolf Parade's debut album. My comments are among those featured in the February issue of the publication as part of results from their 2005 Readers Poll. This marks the fourth time that my comments have been published by Exclaim!. If you can't get to your nearest record store to pick up the issue, you can see my comments by clicking on the following link and scrolling down to the section regarding Wolf Parade's album (my comments are 8th in that section).

"Welcome To My World."

2006-02-16T18:46:00.000-04:00

There are a lot of things that have gained popularity over the last few years due to the boom in internet culture, two such examples would have to be: mullets and Chuck Norris. Thankfully in 1991, perhaps anticipating their place in culture-to-come, these two things met in a little movie called The Hitman.

Now, you may be asking yourself, "how did I manage to miss such a culturally significant movie like The Hitman?" To which I would have to reply, "I don't know, I just don't know." Lucky for you though, I just finished watching it, so I can at least fill you in on some of what you've missed.

Our story begins, like many action movies, on the loading docks. Our hero Chuck Norris and his partner are on a stakeout, looking for suspicious activity. During their investigation a drug smuggling operation is discovered, some guys get their asses kicked (courtesy of Mr. Norris) and our hero is betrayed by his partner. Later, at the hospital, our hero is recuperating after multiple life-saving operations. Since, as we all know, Chuck Norris cannot be killed, not even after being shot multiple times, then falling out of a building on to a station wagon. Chuck Norris' boss decides that as far as the public is concerned, our hero died in the line of duty.

Flash forward three years to the bustling metropolis of Seattle. We're introduced to the crime syndicate run by one Marco Luganni (played by Al Waxman, which is the first clue among many that tells us that this movie was filmed primarily in Canada). After some tough guy back-and-forth, we learn that Luganni's new number-one-guy is Chuck Norris. That's right kids, after survivng a near fatal shooting, it only took Chuck three years to become second in command of one of the west coast's biggest crime families. But don't worry kids, Chuck didn't go bad, our mulleted man-of-action is actually deep undercover trying to put an end to Luganni's gang of Italian-American stereotypes, their French Canadian competition (who are from Vancouver), and a group of Iranians who are somehow in the middle of everything.

I don't want to give everything away, but there's plenty of action, a bizarre love interest, a few roundhouse kicks and a tender subplot wherein Chuck helps an underprivileged kid stand up to the neighborhood bullies who chase him home from school everyday. Action, romance, and racial sensitivity, all of which you would expect from a Chuck Norris movie.

I Almost Forgot To Give This Post A Title

2006-02-07T19:08:00.000-04:00

First things first, I was watching The Colbert Report last night and Stephen Colbert totally referred to C.H.U.D., one of my all-time favorite movies. It was during the threatdown, in a story about terrorists tunneling out of prison, a fiendish criminal scheme that could only have been orchestrated by the C.H.U.D.s. Being such a big fan of the 1984 movie, I was impressed that Colbert would even be familiar with C.H.U.D., but I was even more impressed when the man took it a step further by letting all the folks at home know just what the acronym stood for.

CANNIBALISTIC HUMANOID UNDERGROUND DWELLERS

If I had a hat, it would be off to you, Mr. Colbert.

So, this past Friday I was in another poker tournament at the local kick-and-punch. I did a bit better this time, coming 15th (or so) out of 70. I'll be playing again this coming Friday and I hope to do even better. I'm a little worried though, as much as I like playing at these tournaments, I don't wanna become one of those aging, drunken assholes that I have to play with. Those guys seriously piss me off.

Clinic has a new single out and it's available as a free download on their website. I'll be the first to admit that Clinic isn't exactly everyone's cup of tea, I can't say I've ever really known anyone else who was into them. But John Peel thought they were cool, they toured with Radiohead, and Internal Wrangler has to be one of the best albums I've heard in the last five years. So, if your taste in music borders on the eclectic side of indie bands, you might wanna check them out.

And finally, for you rockers out there, The Raconteurs (Jack White's new band) have a single coming out soon. You can listen to the tunes on their very cool and very retro website or you can proabably still download them from here.

Good Time Super Happy Go Go Links

First off, we have a digital short from SNL, this one is a mock music video concerning the Young Chuck Norris. It's not as funny as the Lazy Sunday clip, but anything Chuck Norris related deserves a look.

Night of the Living Dead in 30 seconds, re-enacted by bunnies. It's pretty self-explanatory but it's also pretty darn funny. If you check out the site you'll see that the 30 Second Bunnies re-enact lots of movies, this just happens to be their newest (and my personal favorite).

Here is another live interpretation of a classic Nintendo Game. This time it's a band doing the music to Contra. They're playing it live with a big screen showing the game in progress behind them. It's pretty cool stuff.

Remember those "Whassup" commercial parodies where they dubbed the commercial over cartoon characters and whatnot? No? Well, now you're at least up to speed. Here we have a clip similar in concept to those older parodies, except this has dialogue from the movie Office Space over clips of the Justice League.

Here is a clip of a monkey washing a cat in a sink. No further explanation necessary.

And finally, a cool commercial from the Super Bowl featuring MacGyver. It kills me that this commercial is so cool. But who doesn't love MacGyver? Seriously, who?

"Bombs Ready, Buddy!"

2006-01-31T01:05:00.000-04:00

Part I - The South Park Movie

I just finished watching the South Park movie again, since I finally broke down and picked it up on DVD. That Trey Parker is a genius. I must have seen this movie at least three dozen times since it came out back in '99, but even today, it still makes me laugh. I used to have a VHS copy that I watched religiously, but I lent it out, never to see it again (ahem, Jason Frasier). But thanks to a gift certificate and a trip to one of my most hated of places, Bridgewater, I made the leap to DVD. And, boy howdy, I'm glad I did.

Part II - Poker

I seriously love Poker. I don't know if I've mentioned this enough in the past, but I've become quite the fan of playing poker. I recently played in a Texas Hold 'Em tournament at the local Dooly's (aka Chester's kick-and-punch). And while I didn't win (not even close), I still managed to have a pretty good time. Now, for the most part, I found the people at this tournament to be a little too into playing poker. But, thankfully, most of the guys from my regular game were there. Since I was among the first ten players (out of sixty) to be eliminated from the tournament I got to play for a while at the loser's table. Some might see shame in that, but it was actually more fun playing at the losers table than it was playing in the actual tournament. So until the semi-legality of playing poker at a pool hall becomes a real issue, it looks as though the tournament is going to become a regular thing. And you can bet I'll be there.

Part III - Myspace

I'm sure many of you out there who are at least somewhat internet savvy have already heard of the online phenomena that is Myspace. So, I hate to admit it, but I too have joined the ranks of the Myspacers. I'll be honest though, I still haven't really figured out what the whole point of Myspace is. By now I've spent a fair bit of time trying to increase my "friend" count and I've tried to get my personal info on there so people know that people know that I'm really into Devo. Hell, I've even got it set up so my page plays "Cars" by Gary Numan whenever you go on it. But, it's almost like I've hit a wall or something. I don't know what to do next. The same thing happened to me when I first played The Sims, it was great at first and I was amazed at just how much you could do, but after a while I just kinda got bored with all the possibilities.

Another part of having a Myspace page is keeping a blog, but I'm already too commited to this blog to simply switch over. I couldn't do that to all my faithful readers. No, that would be wrong. So, no matter how cool it makes me feel that I've got David Byrne and Wolf Parade among my Myspace friends, fear not proud reader, I shall not abandon you.

Part IV - Arctic Monkeys

If you havent heard it already, I urge you to listen to a newish song by the band Artic Monkeys called "I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor." The band is from the UK and I've come to enjoy this song, despite the fact that a lot of the band's other material is along the lines of The Libertines. Why must all young British rockers think they need to sound like Pete Doherty, who for the most part is little more than a poor man's Keith Richards?

Pitfalls Of The Democratic Process

2006-01-24T14:02:00.000-04:00

For the record: I didn't vote conservative.

"Nobody Likes Reality Anymore."

2006-01-21T13:38:00.000-04:00

I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya (to quote the great Jim Anchower), but seeing as it's an unseasonably warm day here on the South Shore, I thought I should update the old blog.

I've been playing a lot of poker lately. Seems everyone in town plays Texas Hold 'Em these days. The local Dooly's is even having a poker tournament next week. I'm not sure if I'll enter the tournament, even if it is semi-legal. I guess it should be said that, even though I consider myself a decent poker player, I've won maybe $6 in the last two or three games that I've played.

I watched *batteries not included last night. If you don't remember this movie, imagine it as a cross between Short Circuit and Cocoon, but without Steve Guttenberg. It's a story of an elderly couple and some bohemian types trying to save their run down apartment building form being demolished by greedy land developers, a plot used many times in the '80s. But for our "heros," salvation comes in the form of little UFO-type robots who appear out of nowhere for no particular reason. You can easily fill in the rest of the blanks without thinking too hard. I remember liking this movie when I was a kid. Though, I have to say that the special effects have not held up all that well over the last 19 or 20 years.

Happy Happy Fun Links

First up is a video that has to be seen to be believed, William Shatner singing Elton John's "Rocket Man" at a '70s Sci-Fi awards ceremony. I'm pretty sure Family Guy has done a parody of this before, with Stewie doing Shatner's part. Now, it's kind of a long clip, but stick with it.

Next up is the most offensive South Park clip I have ever seen. I guess this is from the Aristocrats movie, which is essentially famous comedian after famous comedian telling their own version of this unbelievably obscene joke.

Thirdly, we have some people with too much time on their hands doing a Pac-Man impersonation. This seems to be going on at a University/College campus and only a fraction of the students seem to find it funny at all. Damn uppity intellectual types.

This one has to be my favorite video from 2005. It's a SNL short called "Lazy Sunday." Probably the funniest thing I've seen on SNL since Will Ferrell left. I guess it caused quite an internet buzz after it aired. There were bootleg t-shirts out and I even saw it mentioned on CNN once.

This one seems to be part of a growing trend, doing real life impersonations of classic Nintendo games. This time it's Punch Out. I don't know who would do this or why, but it's pretty funny and very accurate. Recommended for anyone who's played the game or watched their friends play it for hours on end.

And finally the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny. This one kind of reminded me of Grand Buffet, a mediocre white boy rap group I saw open for Wesley Willis once. All in all, this video is mostly stupid but there is a moment about two-thirds of the way through that is sheer brilliance. So, if you're gonna watch it, stick with it until the end.

The Second Worst Club Sandwich I've Ever Had

2006-01-10T14:58:00.000-04:00

I went into Halifax yesterday with some friends. By the end of the day I had been dragged from one end of Mic Mac Mall to the other. I say dragged because I really didn't have any kind of shopping agenda while I was there. I felt like I was a kid again because all my friends wanted to go into various clothing stores, while all I wanted to do was look for music and DVDs. I kinda drew the line when some of them went into American Eagle, so I made a quick bee line for Music World, which was thankfully only a few feet away. I picked up the new Wolf Parade CD and Gremlins and Orca: The Killer Whale on DVD.

After all the shopping we, unfortunately, went to East Side Mario's for dinner. I had never been to East Side Mario's before and if I never go again I won't be too disappointed. Our waiter wasn't all that great, but I probably wouldn't have a lot of pride in my job if I worked at a crappy chain restaurant either. I started with the nachos which were actually quite good. About halfway through I did have to get conservative with my salsa and sour cream usage but other than that the nachos got an ethusiastic thumbs up from me. But then sometime later they brought my entrée, a Tuscan turkey club sandwich. Possibly the second worst club sandwich I have ever eaten, a sentiment I expressed quite openly and loudly while eating it. Now, I say second worst club sandwich only because I have yet to have eaten a club sandwich that caused me to be violently ill and the top spot on the list of all-time worst club sandwiches is reserved for just such a sandwich.

Now, if after reading all of this you get the impression I had a lousy time in Halifax, I should clarify that this was not the case. I'm just more of the type to emphasize the negative. The friends I went with are a great group of people. Their company more than makes up for lousy club sandwiches and less than stellar shopping trips.

On the way home from Halifax we stopped at Chapters and I managed to find a copy of Fight Club that didn't have Edward Norton's face on the cover. While I love the movie, I hate it when a book cover is plastered with actors faces and scenes from the film adaptation. The worst example of this has to be when they slap the movie poster from Blade Runner on the cover of Philip K. Dick's Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? While I am a fan of both, the movie has so little to do with the book, the association seems rather pointless.

And in true Chester fashion, a night cannot really be complete without having a few drinks. So we picked up some booze at the NSLC boutique in Bayer's Lake before heading back to town. We ended up playing poker for a few hours and I left the table the big winner with $20 in my pocket. That made me feel a bit better for dropping money on the lousy meal.

Finally, as a side note, my good friend Jared, who has been been living in Houston lately, tells me that Richard Roundtree (the original Shaft) frequently eats at the restaurant where he works. And seeing as Shaft's Big Score! is, in my opinion, the best blaxploitation movie there is, I'm hoping he's gonna get me an autograph.

"Yippee-ki-yay, Motherfucker."

2006-01-04T16:06:00.000-04:00

It's been almost three weeks since my last post, so I'm going to try and recap everything that has happened as best as I can.

Part I - Christmas in Chester
It was a good Christmas this year at the old family homestead. My parents were there and my sister and her husband flew in from Ontario. To get myself in the Christmas spirit this year I tried to watch as many movies that were somewhat Christmas oriented. This meant watching the Die Hard trilogy, Elf and Scrooged. But for good measure, my father and I watched The Godfather Part II.

As far as gifts went, I made out pretty good this year: a new stereo, some CDs, some DVDs, and a Trailer Park Boys t-shirt. I also got some Christmas cash which I parlayed into some choice DVDs during all the Boxing Week madness sales. Nothing says tidings of comfort and joy quite like fighting your way through the crowds at Wal-Mart on Dec. 27th.

I managed to see my friends a lot over Christmas, which was nice. There were a few house parties and trips to the local tavern. One interesting thing that happened to me actually occured on the night of the 25th. I met up with some friends for a few drinks, a walk and some heavy conversation. It was on our way home that we were passed in the street by a local motorist. As the driver passed us, they leaned out their window and yelled, "Pricks!" I had to laugh. It was Christmas day's night (I think you know what I mean by that) and I got called a prick from someone in a passing car. Baby Jesus would be so proud.

Part II - New Year's in Moncton
All the hubbub this year indicated that everyone here in town was going to take it easy on New Year's Eve so they go all out on Levy Day (aka New Year's Day). So, when I got wind that some of my New Brunswick peeps were getting together in Moncton, I thought, "why the hell not." It was a fun time, mostly because I got see some friends that I haven't seen in almost six months.

We ended up going to a party in the suburbs. Our hosts were a young, yuppie-ish married couple. It was kinda weird because I only knew the people I had gone to the party with. Thankfully, my friends know how to have a good time, even in situations where we're the odd ones out. The big countdown culminated with two of my friends having a champagne fight on the balcony. Good times.

But what's a trip to Moncton without shopping? I managed to pick up a few more sweet DVDs, some used books, some Star Wars Pez dispensers, and some cool records courtesy of Spin-It Records. What records, you say? Well, I'll tell you:

Elvis Costello - King of America (LP)
Eric's Trip - Julie And The Porthole To Dimentia (7")
Glenn Danzig - Who Killed Marilyn? (7")
Sex Pistols - Regular S.F. Ippies & Assorted Longhairs (7")
Talking Heads - Blind (12" Single)

Part III - Whitey
I've had a few people ask me about Whitey lately, so I thought I'd bring you all up to speed. In the last few months, Whitey has become a regular fixture around here. He comes to the house at least twice a day for food and scratching. My father feeds him breakfast every morning and I feed him again around dinner time. Whitey lets us pet him and comes willingly into the house when we let him (something that drives my mother crazy).

We recently learned that Whitey is at least seven or eight years old. Whitey's real name was Snowball and he belonged to a family living not far from my parent's house. It would seem that Whitey and the family came to be at odds over the years and now they have kicked him (or her, we still don't know) out of their home. We suspect Whitey was abused by his previous owners. Thankfully, Whitey has warmed up to my family and we continue to show him more attention and affection than your average stray/disowned pet would likely receive.

Part IV - How to become a Minor Media Celebrity in your own Mind
Not long ago, I briefly mentioned that I was published in the local paper. It was a letter to the editor in regards to a poorly written article on music downloading. I had to say that I was quite pleased when my letter got published. I even felt like a minor media celebrity after people started asking me about the letter.

It was two weeks later when my letter received a response in the same letter to the editor section. My responder didn't understand the point of my letter and chose to suggest that I was simply an aging headbanger who was upset that someone had wronged Metallica (whom, the writer suggested, must be my favorite band). For the record, I would like to state that I am not now nor have I ever been a Metallica fan.

After reading the response letter I went through a variety of emotions. I was shocked, I was pissed, I was curious, I was offended, I was amused, I felt a little gassy, and finally I considered revenge. Not violent revenge, but literary revenge. I must have written at least three drafts of my response letter before I decided to just let it go. I guess in the end, my petty squabbling with bad teenage writers at the Chester Clipper had to stop somewhere. I decided to be the bigger man and drop the whole thing. It was just as I suggested with the original title of my letter, kids say the darndest things.

Christmas Shopping, Child Labor, Letters To The Editor, & The "Merry Christmas Satan" Conspiracy

2005-12-17T15:20:00.000-04:00

Eins I'm done my Christmas shopping, thank God. Last week I did a stint in Halifax and another stint in Bridgewater. And yes, I know I keep bitching about how much I hate Bridgewater, but when you live where I do, your shopping options are limited. I'm just glad it's all over with, I'd hate to have some shopping left to do this close to Christmas.

Zwei Maybe I'm the only one who sees this, but is everyone working at Zellers/Wal-Mart either under 16 or over 60? I know Wal-Mart makes it a point to hire the (for the lack of a better word) elderly, but they also hire a lot of punk ass kids too. The 16 year old kid behind the counter at Wal-Mart's video section in Bridgewater kept calling me sir. I'm 24, for God's sake. And I don't think someone who is buying an armload of kung fu DVDs qualifies as a 'sir.' Now while it is true that I have all the necessary equipment for such a title, I'm hardly distinguished enough to warrant being addressed as such.

Drei I've said it before and I'll say it again, I love the Police Academy movies. When I hit Zellers last week I found a cheapo double sided DVD with Police Academy 2 and 3 on it. So I made and effort this past week to watch both movies. Fellow Police Academy aficionados will note that these particular movies in the series were the only ones to feature Art Metrano as Lt./Cmndt. Mauser, the bad guy/fall guy/foil to Steve Guttenberg and his whacky band of co-horts. All other movies in the series featured G.W. Bailey as the belovedly hated Capt. Thaddeus Harris. And if anyone other than me is still reading this now I've written all that, I'll be surprised.

Vier My letter to the editor of the Chester Clipper did in fact get published in this week's copy of the paper. I'll try to get a scan of it here on the site in the next week or so. I've already had two people stop me to talk about it. Yay for me.

Fünf I don't know if anyone else has noticed this one either, but I keep hearing "Little Saint Nick" by the Beach Boys everywhere I go. It was on the PA at Zellers, it's on the radio and it's even in one of the newer holiday themed Coca-Cola commercials. The only reason I bring it up, besides the fact that I am a Beach Boys fan, is that the lyrics sound like the Boys are singing "Merry Christmas Satan." Now, I checked around for the real lyrics and nothing I've seen would suggest that this is somehow a Satanic Christmas song. But every time I hear it, whether on TV or in a packed department store, I can't help singing "Merry Christmas Satan" during the chorus. I urge you all to find and listen to this song and tell me whether or not you hear them singing "Merry Christmas Satan."

Sechs I'm like this close to 1000 hits. I hope to break that mark before the new year. Here's mud in your eye.

Super Happy Fantabulous Bonus Stuff

First off is an older clip of Siskel & Ebert fighting. I guess those guys didn't really like each other too much. Ebert comes off like a total douchebag. Hilarious stuff. (This Link No Longer Works)

Secondly, since apparently nothing says world peace like Smurf genocide, a Unicef commercial where so many of your favorite childhood characters are killed by falling bombs. The people behind Unicef are sick bastards. Warning: this European ad may upset those who still love all things Smurf.

And finally, a funny music video making fun of Emo kids. If you hate Emo kids, you'll love this clip. Enjoy.

"You Got To Know When To Hold ’Em, Know When To Fold ’Em."

2005-12-11T14:45:00.000-04:00

After waiting and waiting, I finally got to play some poker this week. I got the call last Wednesday night for a Texas Hold 'Em session. This was my first real opportunity to sit down with some people and play poker in more than a year. Lately, in an attempt to quench my thirst for poker, I tried playing online. But, it doesn't quite do it for me playing the game that way. It's just better when you're face to face with your fellow players. There's something about the ability to feel the chips in your hand and to sing "The Gambler" to a player who absent-mindedly counts their chips in the middle of the game.

Back when I was living in Fredericton, I would refer to playing poker as "Operation: Take Steve's Money." This referred to Steve, one of our usuals around the poker table. Steve and I got along alright, but we weren't exactly friends. He had a habit of telling stories about himself, how much money he had, the great places he had been, etc. But the one thing I liked about Steve was taking his money. To me there was no sweeter sound than sweeping up Steve's chips after he blabbed on and on about his backpacking trip through Europe.

So, I was pretty stoked to play when the call came through. But since I had never played with this group of guys before, I was playing on the defensive. I didn't want to give away any "tells" and I was also trying to make up for being anything but a pro at Texas Hold 'Em. I figured I'd keep them guessing and that way I'd probably get invited back for another game. While I was a little disappointed with my performance, the game lasted around five hours and everyone involved had a good time. In the end I only lost seven dollars, so I felt pretty good about the whole thing.

BONUS BONANZA

The first two links are to some funny phone calls. Having worked previously at a call centre, I'm quite familiar with the types of people making these calls.

Call One is from an older woman trying to buy a computer. This would normally be a difficult enough process for the uninitiated, but it also seems she had been getting the run around from an automated phone system for awhile before leaving this voicemail. My favorite part is when she starts bitching about the "younger generation."

Call Two is from some woman who thinks 911 can help her with her taco situation. She keeps calling the male operator "bitch" and screaming for assistance with her taco. One of the operator's first questions to her is "are you drunk?" I can't decide which is funnier/scarier though, the woman on the line or the tone of the 911 operator. Either way, this call must be heard to be believed.

And now for the piece de resistance, a clip from the 1972 Bruce Lee classic Return of the Dragon. This clip contains the epic battle between Bruce Lee and Chuck Norris, that's right Chuck freakin' Norris. In this clip, our two heros throw down in the ruins of the Roman Colosseum. Now, I will warn you that the video contained in this link is pretty choppy, but you'll at least get a glimpse of the greatness that is Bruce Lee vs Chuck Norris. Oh, and just in case you were wondering, Chuck totally throws down some amazing roundhouse kicks.

No Line For Walk The Line

2005-12-06T01:03:00.000-04:00

I went on an impromptu trip to the movies last Thursday night. Some friends and I saw the new Johnny Cash biopic Walk the Line. Now, I've been a casual fan of Johnny Cash for a number of years now. I'm no fan of country music, but to me Johnny Cash has always been one of those artists capable of transcending genres. So, I was more or less eager to see Walk the Line. This did unfortunately mean that I had to go to Bridgewater, one of my most hated of places. But I put such hatred aside for a few hours for one of my more loved of activities, going to the movies.

Bridgewater recently built a new multiplex near their impossibly shitty mall. This came a number of years after they closed their last multiplex, which was located inside an impossibly shitty mall (oddly enough, I'm talking about two different malls). I was expecting a crowd, it being cheap night and all, but I was somewhat pleased that there was virtually no one there and as my title suggested there was no line for Walk the Line. Such mild pleasure was soon sullied upon finding out that a box of Milk Duds and a coke cost about as much as my ticket did.

As for the movie itself, it was pretty good. The acting was fine and whatnot. The singing was also fine. Reese Witherspoon really surprised me, as I have never really cared for her in any movie I've seen her in. My one problem with Walk the Line though was that it was a bit too long. The movie was about two hours and fifteen minutes long and you could really start to feel it after about an hour and a half. Now, knowing what little I know about Johhny Cash's life, I knew going in that this was not a story that could easily be wrapped up in ninety minutes. And even with the time they had, they only covered a portion of his life and accomplishments, which was a little disappointing. But, I still maintain that Walk the Line was a smidgeon too long.

Now I wouldn't let my minor nitpicking dissuade you from seeing Walk the Line, if you haven't already seen it. In this dismal year of movies we've had, Walk the Line is a refreshing change from artsy crap and brainless popcorn movies. Casual fans and hardcore Cash fanatics will all find something to enjoy in this movie. Even if you don't really know anything about Johnny Cash, you should probably see this movie. Even if your only exposure to Johnny Cash's music comes from having drunkenly sang "Ring of Fire" at somebody's house party, you should probably see this movie.

"There's Someone On The Wing!"

2005-11-30T16:20:00.000-04:00

Eenie I went Christmas shopping last night. I made the mistake of thinking I was going to find what I was looking for in, of all places, Bridgewater. My first stop was Zellers. I don't know if you've been in a Zellers store lately, my guess is you haven't, because it is a depressing thing to behold. I remember when I was a kid in the '80s and Zellers was like the holy mecca of department stores. Nowadays, it is a commercial wasteland. The stores are virtually devoid of customers and those few people who still haunt the aisles seem to be at the intellectual level just above common household grime.

Meenie The second stop on my ill-fated shopping trip was Wal-Mart. I hate Wal-Mart, but as I have said many times before, I cannot argue with their deals. I got a copy of Ghost Dog: The Way of the Samurai for $2.50, I'm no economist but that is one hell of a good deal. They had Kung Fu DVDs for $1.48 a piece, I bought at least three. So, while I failed in buying anything I was looking for in regards to presents for other people, I did manage to spend a few bucks on myself. That might make me a bad person, but at least I'll be able to watch Blood of the Dragon on some cold winter afternoon.

Miney I must say though, that the best purchase I selfishly made for myself last night was a Twilight Zone DVD featuring the Shatnerific episode "Nightmare at 20,000 Feet." This has to be my favorite episode of the Twilight Zone. It features a young Shatner (circa 1963) boarding a plane with his wife after he was released from a sanitarium. During the flight, Shatner becomes convinced that there is a gremlin on the wing that is trying to sabotage the flight. Unfortunately for our hero, no one else can see the gremlin and he is repeatedly regarded as a lunatic by his fellow travelers. It's a great episode. It was redone for the Twilight Zone movie that came out in the '80s, with John Lithgow playing Shatner's part. Simpsons fans might recall a segment from Treehouse of Horror IV called "Terror at 5 1/2 Feet," which was essentially a remake of this classic Twilight Zone episode.

Mo Finally, I just wanted to mention that for the first time ever, I have taken it upon myself to write a letter to the editor of my local paper, the Chester Clipper. I'm not sure if they'll publish it. Time will tell, I suppose. But fear not, faithful blog readers, if I am published I will tell you all about it.

South Park, The Black Pearl & That Crazy Woman Everyone Is Talking About

2005-11-21T21:10:00.000-04:00

1. Over the last few days I've been catching up on the new season of South Park. We never get the new episodes until they're a few months old, but with the help of the net, I can at least try to keep up. This season has to be even crazier than the last one. In the first episode alone Mr. Garrison gets a sex change, Kyle becomes a tall, black kid and his father has surgery in order to become a dolphin. There was also a great anti-hippie episode and an episode on Scientology ("Tom Cruise, why won't you come out of the closet?"). Some of the racial humor seems to really be pushing the boundaries of what is tasteful/necessary, but other than that it is all good.

B) I had a great weekend. I call it a weekend but it really started on Thursday night for me. After having a few drinks with some friends, we went to a bar in Western Shore called the Black Pearl. Now, I'm not much of a bar person so you have to understand that I went to this bar under mild protest. We thankfully arrived about 30 to 45 minutes before last call, so I didn't have to deal with the place that long. I hesitate calling it a "hick bar," but if you've ever been to a rural Canadian kick-and-punch you know what I'm talking about. It was karaoke night, which meant everyone was belting out there favorite country music songs. What I thought was funny though was that the first song that came blaring over the PA after the karaoke was over was "Ain't nuthin' but a G thang." Go figure.

III Let me first say that, as a general rule, I don't watch reality TV shows. But over the last week or so I kept hearing about this crazy woman who was on Trading Spouses. I put it off, thinking that just about anyone who would agree to be on such a show must be a little unhinged. Then I saw this clip. At first I thought, "wow, that woman is seriously crazy, but maybe the family she was with were like total devil worshippers or something." It's always been my opinion that reality TV shows do little more than show us how little people can stand and tolerate each other. So, I actually watched the episodes that lead up to the infamous meltdown clip. I couldn't get over what a messed up religous zealot this woman was. The family they put her with were no more than new age hippies. Now, I don't like hippies, but they did seem like generally nice hippies. The zealot woman was just so warped I couldn't get over it. She honestly believed that God had been nailed to a cross. Last time I checked (and I will admit, it's been awhile) God and Jesus were supposed to be two seperate people.

I had had a long conversation/debate with some friends over the weekend about religion. I had been defending religion to some of my friends. (Incidentally, I won the debate with an analogy that culminated with me saying, "you can't get KFC without the Colonel on the bucket." Make your own assumptions as to how I managed to work that into the converstaion.) But now, I feel kinda bad for trying to put a positive spin on religion. I still maintain that everyone is entitled to their own beliefs, but it's crazy people like her that make religion look bad. I mean that woman was/is seriously fucking bonkers. And thankfully, I'm not the only one who thinks that. Google "trading spouses crazy woman" and you'll find at least a dozen or more blogs and articles about this whacko. There is even an mp3 out there that uses a few of her choice soudbites, it's the "Picard Rap" of religious fanaticism. (Right click and select "save target as" to get the MP3)

"My Heart's As Warm As A Baked Potato."

2005-11-15T19:45:00.000-04:00

Good News Mine eyes have seen the glory that is Cannibal! The Musical. This was Trey Parker's first full-length feature from 1996, brought to us by (who else but) Troma. God bless you Lloyd Kaufman. Cannibal! The Musical tells the story of Colorado's most famous cannibal, Alferd Packer. It's the kind of movie that only Trey Parker could have made and it's damn funny. I've been trying to find this movie ever since I saw a trailer for it on a copy of the director's cut of Surf Nazis Must Die. So, if you liked Orgazmo or Team America, you should definitley check out Cannibal! The Musical.

Bad News It looks like they're going to cancel Arrested Development. I guess Fox needs to make room for more When Animals Attack! and Celebrity Boxing specials. It's a damn shame too, Arrested Development is the smartest live action show that's been on TV in years. There are internet petitions out there trying to save the show, though it's debatable how serious those things are taken. So, watch it while you can. Get your Bluth fix in before it's too late.

Outwitted By Whitey

2005-11-12T17:25:00.000-04:00

Pictured above is the stray cat that comes to my house, whom I have named Whitey (for obvious reasons). He/she/it's been coming to the house for the past few months and only recently has become tame enough to let me get near it. So last night I happened to look out on the back porch and notice Whitey there staring up at me. I assumed Whitey was hungry so I put a little food out in a dish for he/she/it. But no, Whitey just stared back at me like I was crazy. So thinking Whitey might be lonely, I pet he/she/it for a minute before going back inside. As I'm closing the door Whitey runs up like he/she/it wants to come in. So I open the door and Whitey turns around and walks away. I then go to close the door a second time and he/she/it does it again. Now, I've always known cats were more fee-spirited than dogs, but I'm pretty sure that Whitey was fucking with me. I'd have been pissed if Whitey wasn't so cute.

I happened to be pretty hung over yesterday so all I could do was watch movies, consume copious amounts of liquids and pop acetaminophen. I started off by watching SLC Punk!, a movie I love more and more every time I see it. I always say if you're going to do a movie about punk rockers, you have to get the music right. After I finished that I thought I should watch a movie that I've been wanting to see for a long time, that being Eraserhead. Going into this movie, I honestly didn't know what to expect. And what I saw confused the shit out of me. I can't being to tell you what it's about and I'm not sure that anyone could. What I can say is that it is one of the weirdest movies I have ever seen. Now, I've seen a couple of David Lynch's other movies, I thought Blue Velvet and Mulholland Dr. were particularly good, so I kinda knew what I was getting into. But this movie out-weirded anything I had seen before. All in all, my Eraserhead experience boils down to this: am I glad I watched it? Yes. Did I understand it? No. Will I watch it again? I doubt it. Should you watch it? At least once.

"And How Did You Feel, Being Denied These Hungry, Hungry Hippos?"

2005-11-09T14:41:00.000-04:00

Last night I watched the director's cut of Donnie Darko. For the most part the director's cut didn't add a lot to the movie. There were a few new scenes, some passages from "The Philosophy of Time Travel," some altered dialogue, some new cut scenes, some changes to the audio mix, and (unfortunately) a few changes to the soundtrack. Overall, I was disappointed with the director's cut. The deleted scenes didn't really add a lot to the story and the new cut scenes that were inserted whenever Frank appeared seemed a bit too Matrix-y for my taste (seeing as I hate The Matrix and the influence it's had on newer movies). But the main reason why I didn't like the director's cut, and yes it may seem a little picky, is that they changed the opening song from Echo and the Bunnymen's "The Killing Moon" to INXS's "Never Tear Us Apart." I fucking hate INXS. Plus the Echo and the Bunnymen track just fit the opening so well. Now, if you were a fan of the original version, I do recommend watching the director's cut, just so you can say you've seen it. Maybe you'll like it, maybe you won't. But I don't recommend getting rid of your old copy and trading up for the new DVD.

Bonus Fun Links

First off is a hilarious video. This was taken from a foreign talk show (possibly Swedish), where the host tries to hold back his laughter over a guest's funny voice. I have no idea what they're talking about, so it might actually be quite cruel of the host to laugh, but since I have no idea I think it's hilarious. Crank up your speakers and check it out while it's still available. Click here to watch.

Secondly, is an article written by some guy who claims to have met Mr. T at a Starbucks. Whether this happened or not isn't really important. What is worth noting though is that the guy wasted such an amazing opportunity by asking Mr. T the world's dumbest question. Click here to read the article.

Odds & Ends

2005-11-05T02:50:00.000-04:00

1. I recently tried to write a little something about how I came to be in possession of an American flag bearing the likeness of John Wayne. After three or four attempts and more than an hour of staring blankly at my computer screen, I gave up. But in the interest of anyone reading my blog (whoever you are, you magnificent bastards) I thought you should at least get an opportunity to see this bizarre piece of western memorabilia. I apologize for the less than stellar quality of the pic, but I'm not exactly a professional photographer.

2. I was in the local dollar store not too long ago when I heard something pretty bewildering. I was scouring the aisles for ten year old comic books and 58 cent Kit Kat bars, when I hear a voice from a few aisles over, "How much is this?" A few seconds passed and then a baffled cashier replied, "A dollar." I had to stop for a second and make sure I wasn't crazy or drunk. I was sober and I have yet to be declared mentally incompetent. So what I want to know is whether the woman was totally foreign to the concept of a dollar store or had she entered the store without knowing where she was. I mean, dollar stores are hardly a new concept and this particular store has been in town for a number of years. It's virtually impossible to even approach said store without noticing the vast array of signage indicating that you were in fact at a "dollar store" and everything did indeed cost a dollar. Whatever the reason may be, I can only pray that this woman does not have children.

3. I urge you all to see The Searchers, a movie that has only recently come to be among the greatest movies I have ever seen. Not just a great western but a great movie. John Wayne shows that he can actually act and not just be a larger than life screen presence. The supporting cast is also amazing, featuring a number of members of John Ford's stock company. And never has the west looked so good. John Ford's depiction of Texas, while actually being filmed in Utah, makes me pine for horse trails and wide open spaces.

4. I watched Land of the Dead the other night and I'm officially getting old because I whole time I was watching it I kept thinking that it was just too gory. When I was a teenager there was the 3B code for horror movies: blood, boobs, and more blood (or any combination thereof). But there were a few times watching this movie where I winced at the gore factor. As for the movie itself, it was alright. Personally I think it's sacrilege to complain about a Romero zombie movie but I will say that this movie didn't live up to his other masterpieces. In my opinion Night of the Living Dead will always be the standard to which all other zombie movies are compared. So, if you're in the mood to watch a great zombie movie watch "Night," if you're in the mood to watch a decent zombie movie you haven't seen, watch "Land."

"Good Grief."

2005-11-01T01:35:00.000-04:00

Halloween is officially over. I tried to make the best of it. I even handed out candy to the little trick-or-treaters of my community. Greedy little brats. Some kids barely even put the effort into their costumes. One kid just put on a Darth Vader helmet long enough for me to throw a can of expired Mountain Dew Energy into his grocery bag. (Yes, Jared, if you're reading this, that's what we did with the case of free pop.) The darn kid didn't have a cape or a lightsaber, he wasn't even wearing black. What's wrong with this generation?

To keep up with the spirit of the season, I watched It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown this afternoon. I hadn't seen it since I was a kid and I almost didn't watch it today. But, I'm certainly glad I did. I'm sure I don't need to explain how awesome it was. You've probably seen it countless times as well. I will say that I felt bad for Charlie Brown though, not for the typical football gag, but because all he got trick-or-treating was a bad full of rocks. I'd have thrown those rocks back at those lousy sons-a-bitches, but I was an angry kid.

If you haven't seen this already, I have another gem from the Onion's AV Club. Click here for some pics of characters from the original Dawn Of The Dead in yarn-form. Pretty neat.

When Worlds Collide

2005-10-26T00:35:00.000-03:00

I never knew that two of my all time favorite movie stars, Lee Van Cleef and Dick Miller, had ever shared the screen together. But thanks to my most current obsession, Mystery Science Theater 3000, this fact became known to me. It was in 1956 that these two giants of the silver screen would be brought together by Roger Corman (who else?) for a movie entitled It Conquered The World. A movie wherein Van Cleef and Miller come to do battle with a most heinous monster from Venus. B-movie enthusiasts and trivia sticklers may object to my reveling in the combination of these two actors, since they are only on screen together for a few moments. But what glorious moments they are. Above is a picture of the dastardly monster that threatened our heros and below is a picture of them together, before they faced said monster.

Thank you Roger Corman. Thank you for bringing together two of the best damn actors who ever lived. And thank you MST3K, for allowing me to see their union.

"Fox Knows How To Put A Shine On A Rotting Chicken Corpse."

2005-10-22T01:15:00.000-03:00

The best show on TV right now (after The Daily Show, CSI, South Park, The Simpsons, Family Guy and reruns of The Real Ghostbusters) has got to be The Colbert Report. And by "on TV" I mean downloadable from the internet. I can't watch The Colbert Report on an actual television because I don't get Comedy Central, but thanks to all the good internet pirates out there I haven't missed an episode yet. The show has just wrapped up its first week of episodes and I must say, so far so good. Many a good laugh was had and Thursday's episode had cameos from Lisa Loeb and David Cross. Stay strong Colbert, I'm rooting for you from the comfort of my parent's basement.

So Long Sweet Chucks

2005-10-21T02:04:00.000-03:00

R.I.P. Black High-Top Chucks 2003-2005 "We Hardly Knew Ye."

It's a sad day for me. I'm sending my pair of sweet chucks to the great shoe bin in the sky, aka footwear heaven. They were good shoes. Sure, they offered no arch supoort. They hurt my feet. They started to fall apart almost hours after I first put them on. And they smelled like month-old goat cheese kept under a bridge. But damn it, they were good shoes. I'll miss you chucks. Say hello to sneaker Jesus for me.

And now the Western Roundup...

In case you were worried that I haven't been watching far too many movies as of late, I present a quick run down of some recent western viewings.

My Darling Clementine. John Ford's adaptation of the legend of Wyatt Earp and the gunfight at the O.K. Corral. They say that this is probably the least historically accurate telling of the events but really, who cares? John Ford is one of the all-time greatest western directors and this movie is quite good. It stars Henry Fonda, Victor Mature, John Ireland, Walter Brennan, Tim Holt, and a woman named Chihuahua.

Rio Grande. Another John Ford movie, this one starring John Wayne. There isn't much of a story to this movie, but it has awesome scenery and quite a few good jokes (and yes, people could be funny in 1950). But at the same time, not even the Leonard Maltin featurette can make up for the multitude of musical numbers in the movie care of the "Sons of the Pioneers."

My Name Is Nobody. Essentially the Three Stooges version of a spaghetti western. This unfortunately would be the last western that Sergio Leone attached his name to. Not even Henry Fonda could save this movie. Bad jokes and bad dubbing abound.

Hang 'Em High. This has got to be on of my all-time favorites. Clint Eastwood and Pat Hingle take on cattle rustlers, murderers, drunks and one giant Swede. You can see seventies Clint yearning to break free, but he still brings a taste of sixties-spaghetti western Clint to the table.

And finally, Django. I had really high expectations for this movie, which might be why I wasn't totally thrilled with it. Sergio Corbucci (the other Sergio) weighed in with his adaptation/pseudo-ripoff of Kurosawa's immortal Yojimbo, much like Leone did with his masterpiece Fistful of Dollars. But Corbucci is no Leone and most definitely no Kurosawa. This movie is always hyped for it's violence, but it definitely got outdone in that department when The Wild Bunch came out three years later. Django does have a lot going for it, but it's not quite all it's made out to be. Spaghetti western enthusiasts will enjoy it, but your casual western fan doesn't really need to seek it out.

"Who You Gonna Call?"

2005-10-20T02:25:00.000-03:00

The whole reason I wanted to post today was to talk about The Real Ghostbusters cartoon. Nearly every year Teletoon has a thirteen day countdown to Halloween, in which they try and show as many Halloween related programs as possible, or so they claim. Thankfully, part of that tradition means dusting off a few episodes of The Real Ghostbusters. I remember being totally obsessed with the show as a young lad. I was in the right age demographic and I must have seen the movie fifty times or more before first grade. Every day after school I would watch an episode of the show that my parent's lovingly taped for me while I was at school. As I recall, it came on at noon followed by Fun House.

I still love the show, even as a semi-adult. As an indication of my obsession/devotion to all things Ghostbusters, I recently got BearShare just so I could get episodes of the show. In two days I've downloaded more than forty episodes. At night I secretly pray for a DVD release of the show, but I fear it may never happen. And while BearShare is a pretty shitty P2P program, it's worth it just to know there are other geeks like me out there trading episodes of Ghostbusters.

I also downloaded the Garfield Halloween Special. I can't remember the last time it was on TV. Maybe kids today don't appreciate Garfield the way kids did in the eighties. Damn kids today with their B-daman and their cell phones and their fundamentalist Christian values. What was I talking about? Oh yeah, Garfield. It's a great Halloween special filled with ghosts, pirates and freaky old people. I suggest taking the time to find it and check it out. I know it used to scare the crap out of me as a child.

Son Of Knight Rider

2005-10-17T01:50:00.000-03:00

I was flipping through the movie channels on the satellite dish the other night and I happened to catch a few minutes of To Live And Die In L.A. I almost laughed my balls off when I saw William L. Petersen. Granted the movie is twenty years old, but man it was like seeing a clone of David Hasselhoff. Since I'm a big fan of CSI (the Las Vegas one, not one of the spinoffs), included here is a comparison of William L. Peterson during the To Live And Die In L.A. era and David Hasselhoff during the Knight Rider era. Note the creepy similarities.

Separated at birth or the product of genetic cloning? You tell me.

And finally on a completely unrelated note, I saw this on the Onion's A.V. Club webpage and I wanted to link it here in case anyone was interested. It's a link to a page containing some Mickey Mouse comic strips from the 30s in which Mickey contemplates commiting suicide. Damn, it is messed up. So click here if that sounds like your kinda thing.

"That's An Insult To Both Of Us. It Makes Me Stupid And You A Whore."

2005-10-16T01:54:00.000-03:00

I thought I was the only person in the world who enjoyed watching Chuck Norris movies, thankfully I have some equally crazy friends. Not long ago, I was at a party talking shit with a friend when he told me that was a Chuck Norris fan. So, I had to ask him if he'd seen The Octagon. He hadn't, which is no surprise really, so I launched into my pro-Octagon spiel. "Ok, imagine it's 1980 and Chuck Norris goes up against a group of terrorist ninjas in a training facility shaped like an octagon. Oh yeah, and Lee Van Cleef is in it too." Normally, such a description would be met with a blank stare and then I would be asked to leave the party. But, I knew I was in good company, because not only was my friend intrigued but he suggested that we should get together for a screening of The Octagon. And so we did.

I won't get into a lengthy review of the movie, because really what's the point? If my description hasn't already told you all you need to know, then this movie isn't for you. I will however share with you a thing or two that I learned from watching The Octagon.

1) Despite claiming to be masters of illusion and camoflage, ninjas are incredibly easy to spot. As they generally wear entirely black outfits in broad daylight. They are also prone to hiding in trees with no leaves.

2) Trap doors and sliding doors are all operated manually.

3) Chuck Norris' inner monologue is a much better actor than Chuck Norris himself.

4) Chuck Norris' nipples (CNN) get far too much screen time than should be allowed by law. Despite being one hairy SOB, Chuck has no qualms about going shirtless and giving everyone a long look at some CNN.

5) Terrorist training facilities are incredibly well lit, even at night. Though, night only seems to last about 30 minutes.

I hope this helps all of you. If I can educate just one person out there, then I did not sit through The Octagon in vain.

Burt Lancaster VS Burt Reynolds

2005-10-11T23:56:00.000-03:00

Somehow over the Thanksgiving weekend (Canadian Thanksgiving, bitches) I managed to watch two Burt Lancaster movies and three Burt Reynolds movies. I had not intended to do so, it just kinda happened. So now, dear readers, I present to you the epic battle of the Burt's....

In this corner, from New York City, Burt "The Master" Lancaster.

First up, Lawman. I can thank the discount rack at Wal-mart for bringing me this movie. I can always seem to justify dropping ten bucks on a DVD when I'm staring at a discount rack. Whether or not this was a smart decision in the case of Lawman, well the jury is still out on that one. I liked it but not too much. It definitely is a post-Leone western, you can smell a hint of spaghetti in there. Also, in one of the first shootouts there is a significant spurt of blood that is obviously thanks to being made in the post-Wild Bunch era. Lovers of movie violence owe Peckinpah a great deal of gratitude.

Secondly, Gunfight At The O.K. Corral. After reading the back of the DVD case, I knew there was no way I wouldn't enjoy this movie. It's an entertaining adaptation of the Wyatt Earp/Doc Holiday folklore, more entertaining than the more recent adaptations of these characters/historical figures. It has an amazing cast: Lancaster, Kirk Douglas, a young ass Dennis Hopper, DeForest Kelley and Lee Van Cleef (Hell Yeah!). Plus, there is just something great about hearing Kirk Douglas call his girlfriend a slut in a movie that was made in the fifties.

And in this corner from Waycross, Georgia, Burt "I Was Bangin' Loni Anderson Back In The day" Reynolds.

I said three movies, but really only one in its entirety. Namely, The Longest Yard. I have never seen the original and I honestly never thought I would see this one either. It would probably be legally irresponsible of me to suggest that you pirate this movie (and in case the MPAA is reading this, I rented it and I have witnesses) but what I do suggest is that you shouldn't pay for the opportunity to see it. Convince a friend to rent it for you. While it doesn't suck, I actually laughed several times throughout, it is a no-brainer. You will not have to think at all while watching this movie, in fact if you do think you risk ruining it for yourself. On the positive side there are many good gags and "celebrity" appearances in this movie. Lots of wrestlers and former NFLers (or so I'm told), plus never have I seen Courtney Cox with such ample cleavage. But for a better and funnier football movie I suggest another Adam Sandler vehicle The Waterboy.

Other Burt Reynolds appearances this past weekend came in the form of catching the last halves of 100 Rifles and Smokey and the Bandit. I will refrain from commenting on 100 Rifles because I didn't see enough of it to really understand what was going on or what it was about. As for Smokey and the Bandit, if it weren't for Jackie Gleason's performance as Sheriff Buford T. Justice I would have to go into an amazingly long rant about how this is the worst movie in existence and a how it is a showcase for everything that was horrible about America in the seventies.

Buford to Junior: There is no way, no way that you came from my loins. The first thing I'm gonna do when I get home is punch your momma in the mouth. Normally I would consider such talk of spousal abuse wrong, but coming from Jackie Gleason you can't help but love it.

And the winner by a knockout is Burt "The Master" Lancaster.

"There Are No Demigods, You Fucking Pagan!"

2005-10-06T23:20:00.000-03:00

So I was watching The Sting the other night for the first time and the whole time I'm watching it, I keep trying to figure out where I recognize Ray Walston from. Finally it dawns on me that not only was he Mr. Hand in the unforgettable Fast Times At Ridgemont High but he was also Pops in the mostly forgettable Ski Patrol. This got me thinking about how I personally hate skiing but I do enjoy ski related comedies. So, I tried to come up with a top five list of my favorite ski comedies, but I couldn't. There just aren't five movies that I like that fit in that category, at least not that come to mind. So, I was forced to compromise...

Quammy's Top 4 Ski Related Comedies

1. Better Off Dead
2. Ski Patrol
3. Ski School
4. Hot Dog: The Movie

On an unrelated note, I finally saw Million Dollar Baby. Now, there really is no reason why it has taken me this long to watch the movie. I love Clint Eastwood and Morgan Freeman. And yet I've just now seen it. My theory is that I am prone to shy away from critically praised movies. To me, critically praised often means utterly deplorable. But, thankfully Clint is the man with the golden touch. Million Dollar Baby was an excellent movie. Not even buddy from Undeclared with the fakey Texan accent could ruin this amazing movie.

Here There Be Pirates

2005-10-02T21:00:00.000-03:00

I have been spending far too much time on the internet as of late. Damn you, soulseek. It would be bad enough if I was just spending far too much time on the internet but to make matters worse, I'm currently living in my parent's basement. Post-University success, thy name is basement life. Luckily the Devo bootlegs, rare Eric's Trip cassettes and the 5.6.7.8's albums are making up for it.

But as long as the pirate ship is three sheets to the wind, there will be bootlegs. Speaking of which, I just finished watching Wedding Crashers. I'm not one for romantic comedies, with the exceptions of romantic comedy horror movies (aka Hormances) like Shaun of the Dead and Dead Alive. But with the frat pack at the helm I was game for this flick. Plus Vince Vaughn is the man and this movie is only further proof of that fact. All gags and romance aside, the movie has a pretty good cast including Christopher Walken, Owen Wilson, Henry Gibson, the rapping granny from The Wedding Singer and fellow frat packer Will Ferrell.

I guess it all boils down to this: as depressing as my current situation might be at least I won't be without the Nintendo Teenage Robots album any longer. Hey fellow soulseek freaks, look me up, I'm quammy902. But don't try and upload your shitty Asia bootlegs to me, I don't swing that way.

"Know How I Knew You Were Gay? You Like Coldplay."

2005-09-30T05:10:00.000-03:00

I just saw The 40 Year Old Virgin and man, that shit was hilarious. Speaking as a professional geek, I have to say that they hit all the marks. Steve Carell is so good in this movie, he even topped his performance as Brick Tamland in Anchorman. One of my favorite scenes comes as Carell's character begins to sell off his massive action figure collection and he starts saying goodbye to Aquaman. It's rather emotional. Poor Aquaman.

I didn't have any other reason to post, other than to extol the comedic excellence of Mr. Steve Carell. But since I'm here, I'll vent a little. So, I'm watching Much Music the other day. I don't normally watch Much anymore because all they play is crap and all their VJ's are flamingly gay. It actually sickens me how low Much has sunk in the last few years. They're almost as bad as MTV now. But it so happened that they were talking about Tim Burton's new movie The Corpse Bride. I was intrigued since I am a huge fan of stop-motion animation. But then Mr. Homosexuality himself, Devon Soltendieck, comes one and whines about the CGI in the movie. HELLO DOUCHEBAG IT'S FUCKING STOP-MOTION ANIMATION FOR CHRIST'S SAKE! Needless to say, it angered me to no end. So, I just had to bitch about it and write douchebag in really big letters. Sorry for the rage.

In Space No One Can Hear Leif Garrett

2005-09-26T16:30:00.000-03:00

I was in the mood for some sci-fi flicks recently. I had been watching so many westerns lately that I felt a brief change of pace might help whet my cinematic appetite. So, with a quick trip to the video store (and I'll spare you my rant against video stores), I rented the latest incarnation of The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy. I had already seen this movie once, but I wanted to check out what they did with the DVD. I must say it was pretty snazzy. Some throw away deleted scenes, some "making of" specials and the usual fare. But, the disc did have a cool random function (ie: the improbability drive) thats takes you to seemingly hidden bits and random parts of the movie and the extras. I was quite pleased with the treatment this flick got on DVD.

Following that newer foray into sci-fi flicks, I went back to one of my favorite decades for movies: the 1980's. So, I watched the original TV miniseries V. For years I have seen bits and pieces of the series, but I had never seen the TV movies that started it all. I rather enjoyed the original movie. It had elements of Arthur C. Clarke's "Childhood's End" as well as being an obvious retelling of Nazi occupation. Plus, Robert Englund kicked ass and he wasn't even Freddy Kreuger, simply amazing. There were lots of other notable 80s and TV actors in the movie, like Jason Bernard, Evan C. Kim, and the Dad from Boy Meets World. I've got the next part of the V series, The Final Battle, and I'll be watching it as soon as I have about 5 hours that I can spare.

Finally, on a sad note, I saw a Lee Van Cleef movie I didn't overly enjoy. God's Gun, a spaghetti western from the mid 70s which featured Van Cleef (in two roles), Jack Palance and Richard Boone (of Have Gun - Will Travel fame). Now, I'm quite familiar with poor dubbing, but this mvoie had notably poor dubbing. Worst of all, the American actors (like our man Lee Van Cleef) were dubbed into English by other people. I find it very distracting to see Van Cleef in action and hear him speaking with someone else's voice. Even the voice they used for Jack Palance was way off. God's Gun was really slow and had lots of potential that was simply wasted. Too much time was spent on young Leif Garrett's character Johnny, who goes mute for seemingly no reason. Personally, I was shocked that I didn't absolutely love a movie that had not one but two Lee Van Cleef's in it.

"Back Off, Man. I'm A Scientist."

2005-09-20T21:00:00.000-03:00

Quammy's Top 5 Things, in no particular order, that make the first Ghostbusters movie great:

1. Rick Moranis. His character is friggin' hilarious. There is a great sequence in the movie where Moranis' character Louis is having a party. Since he's an accountant, all of his party guests are also clients of his. So whenever someone arrives, he goes into a spiel about the guest's income and tax needs. The majority of the party sequence is one long continuous shot as he walks around his apartment. Apparently, the bulk of his dialogue in this scene is also improvised, which rocks considering he name checks Nova Scotia, oh yeah.

2. Smoking. It's 1984, so everybody is smoking. To me it sucks that nobody smokes in movies anymore. Why are people so uptight about this? Thankfully, this movie is over 20 years old, so all our heroes smoke. We probably would have thought less of them if they hadn't.

3. The Music. Thank you Ray Parker Jr. I'd like to know how many hundreds of times I've heard the theme song to this movie. I can only imagine. I also love the Mick Smiley track "Magic," which plays after that jerk Walter Peck lets the containment unit blow up and all the ghosts start flying around New York City. Thanks to the 99 cent bin at Backstreet Records in Fredericton a few years ago, I will never have to be without a copy of the soundtrack on vinyl.

4. Ecto-1. The Ghostbusters' trusty transport. This vehicle alone is likely the reason I love old cars. Especially cars with tail fins. Someday I shall own an old Caddy convertible from the 60s with tail fins and big headlights, or maybe an amphibious car.

5. Reginald VelJohnson. You may remember him as Carl Winslow from Family Matters, but to me he will always be Sgt. Al Powell, one of LAPD's finest, in Die Hard. Sure, he may have only been in Ghostbusters for like two and a half seconds, but this appearance marked one of first times Reginald would play a cop on film. A typecasting which would follow him for the bulk of his career. Seeing his brief cameo in this movie always brings a smile to my face. Watch for him as he announces that the Mayor of NYC will see the imprisoned Ghostbusters. Don't blink or you will miss him.

The Good, The Bad And The Poorly Dubbed

2005-09-14T02:40:00.000-03:00

Seeing as I still haven't found a new job, I've been watching a lot of movies lately. Though in all fairness, I probably would have watched as many (if not more) movies were I still employed. But I needed an opening paragraph, so here we are.

The Good: Silverado. After searching several malls, two provinces and numerous pawn shops I finally acquired a copy of Silverado. I have to hand it to my Father, after much persistence he located a store in the Bridgewater Mall that carried the Silverado gift box set. I mean, of all places, Bridgewater. If you are from the maritimes (especially the South Shore), and you probably aren't, you would know that Bridgewater is the last place you are likely to find anything outside of a stabbing or a sexually transmitted disease.

All Bridgewater bashing aside, I must say that Silverado was worth the quest. It was a really entertaining new-style western. Despite being from the eighties and being entirely without the presence of Clint Eastwood it was still quite enjoyable. The notable cast includes Kevin Kline, Danny Glover, Kevin Costner (who I did not hate in this movie), Brian fuckin' Dennehy, and John Cleese. Yes, John Cleese in a western. Silverado had all the great elements of a classic western with some good revisionist touches as well. It even had a guy getting shot and then falling from a rooftop, what classic western doesn't have that?

The Bad: Point Blank. I wanted to like this movie, I really did. It was based on the same novel that spawned one of my favorite newer movies Payback. But, I was just seriously bored while watching this movie. I know it's super old and probably employs various art house cinema techniques that I'll never understand, but any movie with Lee Marvin and (introducing) John Vernon should have kicked my ass. I'll go ahead and ruin it for those who haven't seen it by saying that this is one of those movies where the main character may-or-may-not-be dead the whole time. Boo-urns. Plus, whenever I see John Vernon I just want him to be yelling "Delta House!!!"

The Poorly Dubbed: The Kid With The Golden Arm. Another Shaw Brothers classic like Five Deadly Venoms and Five Fingers of Death. While not quite as good as those other kung fu flicks mentioned, Golden Arm was not without its charm. My copy was (of course) a super cheap DVD reissue, so the picture quality was very poor, but still watchable. The Shaw Brothers movies are always a cut above your average kung fu flick so Golden Arm is no exception. Plus, what other movie has an alcoholic secret government agent fighting guys with names like Silver Spear, Iron Robe and Bronze Helmet? Seriously, I'm asking.

"Everybody Has The Right To Be A Sucker Once."

2005-09-04T18:35:00.000-03:00

Tequila is the devil's nectar. I was having a great time drinking with some friends on Friday night before it was all brought to a horrible end, courtesy of two shots of Prairie Fire, a hellish mix of tequilia and tabasco sauce. Even now I cringe at the thought of its firey taste. Perhaps, before consuming said shots, I should have stopped for a moment and inquired, "what are these?" But they were both gone before I realised what I had done. I knew as soon as I had finished them that they had finished me. Luckily, I made it a few feet outside of the pub before spilling my guts behind an old boathouse. Only today am I getting over the hangover. I don't drink that often, so when I do I always end up paying for it the next day.

In my weakened state, I could do little more than watch TV and movies all day long. So I got around to watching Two Mules For Sister Sara at some point during the evening. While this movie is not part of the Spaghetti cannon of movies, it does come close. It has an excellent score courtesy of Ennio Morricone. It was shot entirely in Mexico (amazing scenery) and directed by Don Siegel. Clint Eastwood's character definitley smacks of the "man with no name," but a lot of westerns from the late '60s and early '70s seemed to draw from Leone's trilogy. While this movie was not as good as the Leone westerns it still has a certain charm.